I have been married for 21 yrs. 3 months ago my wife told me she has not loved me for the last 15 yrs.?

Question

we have two children who will graduate from high school next june. What should I do? We are still living together but we are not having any sex. She says Iam to clingy. I grow up in a home where there was always screaming and hollering and I have done that in this marriage. Both of us have been marrried once before

Answer 1

Find the peace of God, so that you can be healed once and for all from the damages of growing up in an unhealthy environment. Your wife just wants you to know that you are not the man that she married. She didn't threaten for divorce, it sounds like, so you still have a good chance to win her heart back. Remember the things she loved when you dated and during the first few years of marraige, and begin to do them again one by one. Begin to gain some hobbies you've never tried, and pray. God will give you things to do for him, so you won't have to worry about clinging to her anymore. With a little space, romance, and the new peace you'll have, she'll come around in no time. Best wishes.

Answer 2

You have been married for the past 20 years and your wife just told you that she didn't love you for the past 15 years, you have two children graduating from high school next June. you two still live together but have no sexual relationship does this bother you, she said that you were to clingy, you grew up in a home with a lot of screaming and hollering and tried to be good in your marriage this is your way of showing affection
you both have been married before. i am a woman that love
affection and if i had someone to show this type of affection to me i would treat him as though he was a king. you to still live together wondering if you still want to spend your golden years with her well are you still in love with her or has it ended i don't see the point of someone staying married if they are not being loved by there spouse. call me sentimental i don't no.
best of luck















Best of luck

Answer 3

What an awful thing to find out. I'm sure your heart is broken. You can't make her love you. But you can change what you are doing. Use reverse tactics, don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned. Don't call after her, don't look for her, don't hardly notice when she is around. Don't ask her where she has been, basically ignore her. She is too sure of you. You are too needy and clingy so turn that around. It may be very hard for you to do, but if you do this and hold out long enough, she will come around to find out why you are not the insecure one any longer. She will become insecure.

Stop yelling too. Stop arguing all together. Arguing takes two so zip up your mouth and make her start wondering about you. This really works if you do it right and you hold out long enough. You need to inject some mystery into this thing. Let her wonder. It's amazing what this does to people who are too sure about you. Be strong, you can do it.

Answer 4

I am so sorry. This has to be very hard to hear. I went thru counseling and everything after hearing the same thing from a 37 year marriage. People change. The one thing I realized is that no matter what you do,.....you can't make someone love you. Give it a few days. Think about it. Then talk again. Ask her what she wants. Figure out what you want. The loss and lonliness are devastating. However, staying in a relationship without love is worse. You cannot move ahead until you find out where you are. I'll be thinking about you.

Answer 5

Time for you to get to a counselor--for yourself. If your wife hasn't loved you for the last 15 years, and you do a lot of screaming and hollering, I think you need some help to reprogram yourself for a better relationship WITHOUT the screaming and hollering and to eventually have a relationship with someone who does love you. I'd file the divorce papers as soon as the kids are out of high school, if you can conduct yourselves with mutual respect. Otherwise, it might be healthier for the kids if you divorced sooner.

Answer 6

I think that this is a fabulous time for sarcasm! I would tell her well done there babe! Stayed with you for 15 years and didn't love you. Must have stayed for the security. That makes her the cheapest prostitute on the block! Now you are thinking about sharing the blame for yelling, screaming, hollering? Listen, lets think of it this way, you have a close family member, say a brother, and you must live with that brother for 21 years. Now lets say this brother doesn't like you and hasn't for 15 years. Do you think that this relationship would "not" have some angry words thrown about every now and again? She has pushed you away for 15 years while you "alone" have tried to salvage the marriage and what thanks do you get? How does she interpret your steadfast focus to save the marriage? You're clingy! Well, duh! She is pushing away you are holding on. Who is the negative one here?
Take the focus of blame off yourself! You are the one who has attempted to be the honorable figure in this relationship. Don't just let her go, but, I would let my size 14's give her a send off out of the door. (not really, but, I can dream) Just take the blame off yourself and start thinking "how dare she"!

Answer 7

I'm not sure what the question is honey. The wife said she didn't love you...you can't make someone love you. Life doesn't work that way. The heart wants what the heart wants. SOmething happened 15 years ago to change her view on you. It's time to do some reflecting and soul searching. We can make suggestions until the cows come home, but none of them are going to do you any good until you figure out where this started to go wrong. And if you can't recall....simply ask her.

Answer 8

Wait till the kids have graduated and then re-evaluate the situation, it would be the ultimate height of selfishness to start an emotional, drama filled separation during their senior year in school. Focus on the kids, help them decide what to do with THEIR FUTURE, then once they graduate, you and your wife figure out what to do. Why would your wife stay? All hope is not lost yet if she's still there....perhaps you can try counseling?

Answer 9

So, you've been screaming and yelling at her throughout the marriage. I think she stayed for the kids' sake. What does she suggest? What do you suggest? Talk with and her and see if the marriage is salvagable. Seek marriage counseling if the two of you agree that might help. And if you are screaming and yelling at her, STOP IT RIGHT NOW! There is such a thing as breaking the cycle of dysfunction.

Answer 10

I am so sorry, man. This hurts. I've been there and know many others who have been there too. Please consider finding a good counselor to help you sort through the thoughts and feelings and to help you work through this. If she'll go with you, that would be great, but I'd do it whether she comes or not. Perhaps it isn't too late for the marriage. Either way it goes it can only help for you to work on things you can to improve yourself as a person and to make it better for the people around you. God loves you and cares about your pain.