so my girl cheated on me 3 months back, and i forgave but didnt forget. now i know she has made great strides in trying her best, but i just dont feel it for her anymore. she is the love of my life, but i also shouldnt have to be looking over my shoulder at what she is doing.
from a woman's point of view, what do you think she is dealing with right now? when i told her what i wanted to do, we talked about it, and she was biting her nails a lot and in the end couldnt even look at me b/c of the tears that was ready to flow. i know i have a spot that she could probably touch and go back to normal....but this has to be the changing point to where i get put first, and not everyone else along with the fact that she might cheat again. if i dont feel anything after this break does that make me a jerk? i need help here! i love her, but at what heartache to me?
2007-09-14 14:22:27 · 17 answers · asked by notcatchable 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it doesnt make you a jerk, it makes you a confused man. Just because she cheated once, doesnt mean she will do it again, so you have to learn how to trust again, and when you do, you wont have to be looking over your shoulder. She is trying very hard to get your trust back again, but you are hanging onto the hurt and you are not allowing the "good" stuff to get in....you are concentrating on the bad. Whilever you do that, she doesnt stand a chance of proving herself. You have to come to terms with what she did and she has to know that you would not be trusting her at this time, so she is going to be doing everything in her power to try and prove her loyalty to you. Moving out is not the answer, you have to be there to see her sincerity......you have to forgive her....trully forgive her. If she really is the love of your life, and she is honestly sorry, then you have to find a way to get past this and allow her the opportunity to make amends.
2007-09-14 14:50:34 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never cheated so I can only guess that she feels guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, and relieved. There are some people to whom the "once a cheater always a cheater" logo applies to, but there are others who are genuinely remorseful and wouldn't do it again. Take a break, a long break, and reevaluate. Can you trust her? Will you always wonder what she's doing when she's running late? Will you bring it up when you guys have an argument? It may be better to just leave the relationship and move on. You love her, but right now you can't depend on her love or her fidelity, so concentrate on yourself and let her fix herself. You're a good guy, don't let yourself be hurt any more than you have to.
2007-09-14 23:54:33 · answer #2 · answered by clairdeluny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To answer your question about what is she dealing with- She feels horrible, she lives with the guilt and shame everyday. She is probably wishing she can take back what happened but she can't so she'd like to try to find a way to fix it.
No you aren't a jerk for not feeling anything, you are still hurt and haven't taken the time to heal. If you really love her you can get over this. by working on the why's and hows.
Why did she do it, how can you be sure she won't cheat again.
Good luck
2007-09-14 21:39:31 · answer #3 · answered by ofsoundmind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all ... YOU JERK
You must really have some good reasons to be doing this I say just go with you gutt feeling and do what ever is right !!! If she has really tried her best for yall to be together and hasnt cheated on you ever since well than jut have a break of 6 days and then think if you really want to be with her but dont play with peoples emotions it wont be right and it will look like your just trying to get back at what she did
Good Luck to the both of you
2007-09-14 21:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by Raw1987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right to go for the break. She should show her true colors to you during the break. Starting a relationship with someone is all about taking risks; however, as the relationship matures the risks should diminish and this isn't happening for you. So, take a break and see if she is really serious about you or if she goes to someone else. Nobody needs this kind of heartache in their lives and getting trust back is a long road. Best wishes.
2007-09-14 21:41:25 · answer #5 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard, because you say you love her. You have to sit there and think, can you trust her. You say that you always have to be looking over your shoulder at what she is doing, so of course it seems you don't trust her. TRUST is a very important ingredient in a relationship, without trust what do you got.
I do believe that people make mistakes, I agree with that, but sometimes people learn from their mistakes, and sometimes they do not. So you have to follow your heart, and see what you really want.
But honestly to me, once a cheater always a cheater. If she really loved and cared for you the way you feel for her, she would have never done what she did. Think of that also. No one does something that hurtful to someone they love. When you love someone you stay faithful to them through everything. A cheater is def. not wife material. What if you have to go on a business trip, you are going to be worried if your wife is able to stay faithful while you're working. It's just not good.
So just think about it. Good Luck!!
2007-09-14 21:59:35 · answer #6 · answered by Cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now she is probably feeling alot of guilt and will say and do just about everything and anything to take back her mistake. As far as why she can't look at you? Honey, she's ashamed of herself and she should be. She ruined the love of a lifetime. You can't get that back with the flip of a switch....she knows that. She also knows that she can't say I'm sorry and have it all taken away. This is going to take time for both of you. Patience is about all I can say. Sometimes it works out and trust can be restored....sometimes it doesn't. That's when you have to decide if you can start start rebuilding trust. I'm not saying now, but in time. Ask yourself if you love her enough to forgive (nobody says you forget), and move forward. This is about you right now honey, and your healing...not her. I know you are worried, but trust me...she has more to fear. ...she stands to lose everything over a stupid mistake. And from the sounds of it....you are her everything.
2007-09-14 21:50:02 · answer #7 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you say you don't trust your girlfriend (obviously you didn't forgive her or that would be a moot point), then you say you "love" her. How can you love someone you don't trust since trust is one of the major building blocks of love? If you want to be put first then it's up to YOU to put yourself first. I find the idea of "taking a break" asinine, you take a break a phuck around then are supposed to get back together as if nothing happened...that simply doesn't make sense. Either you want to be in this relationship or you don't. If you do then stick with her, if you don't then move on...taking a "break" is only playing games and games are for immature children.
2007-09-14 21:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
right now she is probably wishing she never cheated on you she is hurt. she will probably learn her lesson and not ever do it again. Although you love her you have to think about yourself and the hurt she put you through at the moment you can't deal with what she did to you the best thing you could do is be by yourself for awhile so you could figure things out i wish you guys the best of luck in the relationship.
2007-09-14 21:33:43 · answer #9 · answered by Deana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not the jerk here! Why would you put yourself through all the bull crap of wondering where she is at, what she is doing etc....? Not being mean here but if she really cares for you the way you do her she would have never cheated! She was probably that upset because she got caught!! Suck it up move on with your life and find someone who deserves your love!
2007-09-14 21:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by ryeeeeit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋