Why can't he say goodbye???

Question

I was the other woman in an affair that last 1 1/2 years. His wife found out about the affair and as of yesterday he told me he didn't want to go to counseling with his wife and was going to talk to her today. He says he loves me but doesn't want to leave because of his kids. I have tried to end this 3 times in the last 3 weeks but he keeps confiding in me and talking to me every chance he gets. I got very angry and just told him to figure things out for himself I need to get on with my life. I asked him why can't he just say goodbye to me and go on with his life. He told me just to have some patience because he can't bring himself to say goodbye yet. I need some closure to get on with my life. Needless to say I am in counseling weekly and trying to better myself. Why do you think he won't say goodbye?


please no bashing me because i am the other woman..i know i was wrong and trying to move forward and be a good person.

Answer 1

he don't say goodbye because he wants to have both of you. But he is not going to leave his wife thats BS he's telling you that so that you won't leave. you need to tell him when he leaves her than he could call you but till then its over and not to call you. but if he do leave her to be with you don't forget there is also that possibility that he will do the same to you. well good luck with everything just be strong.

Answer 2

I spent a year and a half as the other woman, and if I could undo that, I would. I'd give all kinds of body parts to undo the damage. I was needy and made bad decisions. Really, really bad decisions. If you want to move forward with a clean slate, don't give the relationship with the lover a second thought. Let go of it. TOTALLY let it go. I had the blessing/curse of having been found out by the wife, and we still have a good relationship, both with the wife and with the husband, because she's wise and we all realize how stupid I was. DO NOT EVER enter into a relationship with a married man. BAD, BAD PLAN. Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 3

Uncertain if my interpretation is correct, I will share these words. Nearly died though never tried, for trying would not be enough. I've crossed the threshold of my heart, where living felt like just too much. And sleep? If I could only sleep a moment then be free... I prayed that he would take me home, Oh yes, I made a plea. Strong enough to take this life, but stronger still to stay; Our paths may not always be clear somehow, we find a way. Life will change, although it may be subtle. Stand firm ground on the belief that you will get past this. Be proactive in change, and you will see the results. You... can... do... it!!

Answer 4

If you're serious about wanting to put your dirty little affair behind you, then stop waiting for him to be "ready to say good-bye". He will never be ready as long as he thinks that there is still a chance to get into your pants again, and as long as you still have contact with him, he will continue to work towards that goal. He got you to have sex with a married man for a year and a half, after all, he must think you're pretty gullible and stupid. So the only way to save yourself is by cutting off all contact immediately. Change your phone numbers or get an answering machine to screen your calls. Put him on your ignore list for messengers, emails, etc. If he comes to your house, do not let him in, do not get into any discussions, simply tell him it's over and you don't want to hear from him or see him again, then close the door.

Answer 5

I'm glad you realize it was wrong - a little thing in life to do, to be a better person like you say you're working toward, is always think... "what if that was me? what if I was his wife?" etc.
Now on to your question. Why can't he get on with his life? Because he's life has become a two sided cushion and someone just pulled the cushion out from under him. He's been having his cake and eating it, too.. and you've been letting him do it, not only to his wife, but to you as well.
Men like that become spoiled and regress in maturity. He's afraid to say goodbye to you because he got used to you, the same way he didn't end things with his wife whenever he first realized he was unhappy (even before you two were seeing each other) simply because he was used to her.
Take off... get the hell out of dodge... he'll get unused to you in no time because he'll have no other option. Don't cater to his selfish ways. You're smart to move on with your life.
Find someone who's drama-free and enjoy your life.

Answer 6

"trying to move forward and be a good person." Bullshit, You ask why HE can't say goodbye and yet YOU allow him to keep coming back. That's not moving on. Obviously you don't get the fact that he is never going to leave his wife, and as long as you allow him to use you he will. And YES there are ways to be rid of him, change your phone number, change your email address, if he shows up on your doorstep call the police and have him removed, and don't answer the door.

Answer 7

This is how the married man controls the mistress.
He knows exactly what he is doing. He truly does want to stay married, have his kids and his girlfriend.

You need to tell him he needs to stay with his family and then change your phone numbers and truly end it. Once you get out of that dead end relationship, you will be able to find a single guy who you can have a REAL relationship.

You shouldn't have had a affair with a married man, but hopefully you learned your lesson and will NEVER do it again.

Answer 8

IF you want it over and he won't "say goodbye" then leave it at that. Don't answer the phone, or switch your phone number. Don't answer the door or make it to where you are gone during his "available" times. It won't take long for him to get the message. As you said, you need to move on with your life - so do it and quit being his doormat! After 1 1/2 years of him playing the two of you, at least one of you should recognize him for who he is ... As the saying goes, "he who straddles the fence, eventually tears his crotch."

Answer 9

Don't you get it? He is not leaving her... and you have wasted all this time.

End it.

Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself and get onto being the truly good person that you know you are in your heart.

It is really simple. All you need to do is live the rest of your life by one rule. That rule is:
Always do the next right thing and make the next correct choice.

You are beautiful and worth so much more than just being the fling and home wrecker.

He never loved you. He used you. Accept it and move on!

Answer 10

Thing is, (sorry if this hurts you) you can pretty much bet that if his wife found out and he is still there it's his choice. More than just his choice, he is doing alot of begging and explaining to stay there. He's telling you to be patient, because he needs time to figure out how to keep you both. Don't wait around for him to say goodbye.