How do I hold my temper when I am around my sister who is a controling person and keeps pissing me off?

Question

My sister is 3 years younger than me and is a prosecuting attorney. She is hard to be around, not sociable, and not a warm and friendly person. She has always been like this. All four of my siblings and I are trying to work as a team in the care of my elderly parents, but she is definately not a team player. Her way of dealing with me is to yell in my face and be intimidating, then give me the silent treatment for as long until she needs me for something. I am an easy-going person who is slow to anger, but for some reason, she really gets me mad quickly. I can stand up to her, but we are supposed to working as a team, and get along, right? That is what brother and sisters do? She can be really vicious, without caring at all how the other person feels. I could really use some advice on how to deal with her. Thank you.

Answer 1

You have trained her to be this way through years of behaving in a milder manner while she strong-armed and muscled her way successfully between everyone. The more successful she was over the years, the stronger she became as a "bully". You can't change her-- but you can change you and how you react to her (and not being around her and simply avoiding her is not the solution-- that can become the problem). Things to do:
** Stop reacting to her.... don't feed the tiger by reacting emotionally or backing down-- walk away when she begins to bully you
** If you disagree, state your goal/position once, don't defend it and move on. If she tries to bully/coerce you via argument, look at her calmly and say: "I've spoken my piece, unless you have new information to add to this, the discussion is over!"
** Get to know yourself and your own triggers for emotional response. As someone said, “Get to know your own buttons, so you’ll know when they’re pushed! Now, remove them from the playing field.
** Remain calm, robotic, matter-of-fact, un-emotional and flat when disagreeing with her.
** If your feelings are shared by your siblings, join forces to assertively confront her and make clear your expectations as a group... don't budge or be intimidated. Be very careful not to alienate her-- she is your sister and an important part of the family.

Attorneys often bully and use intellectual muscle to coerce others who rely on emotion and values. Don't bite the bait- stay calm, relax and state you position or walk away. This will train her that you will no longer cater to her bullying. You'll need to stick to this for about 30-50 days before she'll begin to respond, but in the meantime, her behavior may escalate since you changed the game-plan.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Hello Stasia.So you have a prosecuting attorney for a sister.The characteristics you describe lends credence to the fact that she chose an appropriate career.That was just an aside.Shasia,I came from a family of three siblings.The same problems arise in any family when making a decision concerning a psrent.How we would like a situation and how we feel the end result should be,sadly don't always happen.You do not have the problem and yes,you have to deal with her,but someone who has acted one way all her lifewon't change overnight.Use your anger constructively.Meet with your sisters,form a consensus,an(safety in #s) then approach her as a groupState what you want of her,in what time frame and what will happen if she doesn't comply.You may end up with one less on the team.You have to be strong to act on your decision.Ironically,she may be reacting this way because she is intimidated by you.Ever think of thatMore often than naught one in every family.Good Luck&.God speed.

Answer 3

I have 2 sisters like this - one much older and one slightly younger. The older one i get on better with and feel better about than the younger.

What i do with both of them is ignore them when they are being annoying - i mean totally pretend like they arent there. They are always telling me how to live my life and neither have any idea what they are going on about half the time.

You might find it hard to ignore them at first, but honestly if you stop giving them such importance in your life, their behaviour will stop mattering to you so much. ANd in turn they will notice the difference and pipe down. Its kinda like how you treat naughty kids - you ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good behaviour

Answer 4

well all i have 2 say is if shes 3 yr.s younger than u show her whose boss....u gotta make things right i mean in my house hold my sisters older than me and yes she does boss me around but i know she's older than me so i don't care i know that she can take charge over me cause of course she's older than me....so take my advice be in charge i mean your older than her get a little mean no matter how bad you feel about it because eventually it will fell good...believe me I'm also an older sister 2....
sincerely,
anonymous Pam

Answer 5

Stay away from her if at all possible. When not possible, just remember she will always be with herself at all times for the rest of her life!!!

Answer 6

I would tell her to either knock it off or just not come around you.. try to not show up when she is there ..work with your other siblings.

Answer 7

Tell her that before she can become older and wiser she has to be young and STUPID and that you'll let her know when she has finished her apprenticeship then duck fast!!