that he might have been seeing someone while
they were engaged, because he sent a text message the night before the wedding and I found
it last week (3 weeks after wedding). I told her and
he made up a stupid excuse, and told me to butt
out and let them be married. They just moved
13 hours from us, and I have no control what he does in this new city. I am so scared for her. She
loves him, and won't ask him any questions. I called the girl, and she admitted to seeing him, but
nothing happened because she has a boyfriend so
she told me. What can I do. At times, throughout
there 6 year relationship, I felt it's another Scott
Peterson case. I am a christian person, and want
to think the best of him, but I'm so scared he won't change. We are the only family he has, because
he doesn't not talk to mother, etc. I think he loves
our daughter the only way he knows how, but can't
be faithful. Is there any counseling in the Southern
part of N. Carolina that we could find?
2007-09-14 13:02:19 · 20 answers · asked by Very worried about d & new husb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen to your daughter and but out. If she has been with him 6 years then she should know if he has cheated or is capable of cheating and she has to deal with it, not you. I know she is your daughter but giving her this information now is a little late and you should have kept it to yourself. I believe that eventually one finds these things out on their own and then they have to decide. Stop meddling or you won't have a relationship with your daughter.
2007-09-14 13:11:19 · answer #1 · answered by Debster2525 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize for you a know your feelings, but, in my opinion, your meddling into your daughters marriage could possibly make maters even worse. It is her life, her husband, and her problem. You could possibly, and probably will, drive your daughter further away from you. About all you can, and should, do, is cut those apron strings, let her find out for herself, and be there for her when the time comes.
How did you "happen" to find the text message? You just "happened" to know the girl, so you called her and chatted a while? You have made it very clear that you didn't like him from the beginning. They live in a different city, so you "have no control" of what he does ... you are supposed to have control of him? Of her? NO, you are not. I'm Christian also, but I would never do what you are trying to. Yes, you can find counseling anywhere in NC, and you should. You could start with your minister. Stop picking at, and meddling in their marriage. You don't have to love him. Also, if they have children, you are setting the scenery that you will seldom see your grandchildren, if you keep it up.
.
Sorry if I sound blunt, but you need it.
.
2007-09-14 13:31:31 · answer #2 · answered by J T 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why you are thinking that after six years together, the guy could/would kill her even makes me concerned. But seriously, get a grip. You gave your daughter the info, she made her decision, you have no choice but to step back. Don't harp on this. Unless he is being violent, she is in no physical danger. The girl told you (although it is none of your business whom she sleeps with) that nothing happened. Calm down, she is a grown woman. Maybe she moved away to get from under your thumb. If he cheats, he cheats, it happens. She will make the decisions for her own life and if she can put up with him, let her; he isn't your husband.
2007-09-14 13:22:42 · answer #3 · answered by MR 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If she wants or needs your help she will ask for it.
You are now insulting her, by saying she does not know how to choose a mate. I'm sure you raised her right. Your son-in-love will show his true colors and she will see them. You can't control her life. After all she is an adult. Do you think the apple fell that far from the tree ?
2007-09-14 13:36:32 · answer #4 · answered by JEWELRY DIVA 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your involved in a situation that is clearly none of your business. You must let your daughter go and live her life. Telling her this information is great, I guess you have to do that now that you know. But why do you have this information? I am divorced because my mother in law would simply not keep her nose out of my marriage. Your stirring this stuff up and serving it to both of them. Way to go!
2007-09-14 13:09:51 · answer #5 · answered by BudLt 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's a real tough situation you are in. Wow where do i start, I know what u r feeling as a mother i told my daughter the same thing about a boyfriend she had and i was right on the money this man was a total nightmare. He ended up shooting my daughter 15 times. (my hand to God He did) But by the grace of GOD SHE LIVED. She is alive and well all thou he did do some damage to her body it was all corrected by surgery I went to the church and talked to my minister and kept talking to my daughter deep down inside she knew it herself she told me fear kept her in that relationship. Just talk to your daughter keep talking and i hope she will either let you know she feels safe or not i wish your family the best i will keep you in my prayers also. GOD BLESS!!!
2007-09-14 13:19:11 · answer #6 · answered by applehctud 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i dont blame you for being concerned for your daughters well bieng any mother would be the problem is that if she doesnt believe or is blinded to the fact that he's cheated there isnt much you can do . Try talking to her again but really you cant seek help if she isnt willing to take it. BUt if she does look up family couseing or in the mental health office in your town they offer family therapy which is counseling my husband attends good luck to you maybe you need to seek counseling to talk about the fears you have and concerns about your daughter
2007-09-14 13:11:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
First of all why would you break up your daughers happiness taht was wrong of you and she would have found out sooner or later on her own. If you were a christian person maybe you would have mind your own business because god will work this out not you.
best of luck
2007-09-14 13:13:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Give your daughter the girls number. let her decide how to handle it.
You just be there for her when it starts to rain.
Don't talk bad about him. If you do, she will get defensive and stay with him no matter what.
By the way - not all men that cheat are violent - they just have issues.
Hope things work out for you.
2007-09-14 13:08:03 · answer #9 · answered by Collette L 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why would you want to hurt your daughter like that? Even the girl said they did nothing....BUTT OUT! I'm glad she moved away from you. You said it you have no control now that she has moved away, and thats your problem. Get help lady.
2007-09-14 13:09:46 · answer #10 · answered by Glinda W 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋