After 24 years of marriage my wife left. Said that she didn't love me anymore and wanted her freedom. I was devastated. To keep busy, I dating casually, telling all who I dated that I just wanted a casual relationship and that I still loved my wife. I dated "Mary" for 6 month but our feelings started to get stronger and since I still wanted my wife, we ended our relationship on great terms. A year later my wife filed for divorce & my feelings for her dwindled and Mary came back in to my life. I was thrilled. I fell in love with Mary and treated her like a queen. 11 months later she left me for someone else. Now after 3 1/2 years my wife wants me back saying she made a big mistake leaving me. I don't love her and I very much love Mary. My wife neglected me most of our marriage and I found out how nice other women are. I want Mary back Although I know she is just a player, I love her. Don't know what I've done to deserve all the hurt I've they have both given me. Thanks.
2007-09-14 11:52:23 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry to hear all this. It looks like Mary has moved on with that other person so you should move on too, you can't keep holding on to something forever. And you shouldnt go back with your wife considering she was the one who left you, filed for divorce and neglected you all your marrage. Why would you go back to her?
2007-09-14 11:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off I would like to start by saying I'm sorry that you have been hurt, it's an awful situation to be in when you love someone so deeply, and especially for as long as you have been married, that has to really hurt for someone of 24 yrs. to get up and leave. That just has to be hard.
But lets analyze this really. Your wife left you after 24 yrs. and you were still in love with her. You got w/ Mary after you knew you wouldn't have strong feelings for her b/c you were still madly in love with your wife. Do you think that was right for Mary? No.. it wasn't because you had her come in a realationship with you that you were not into b/c you were still in love with your wife so there for you ended things with Mary, which was a good thing to do instead of letting her go on with something that wasn't there.
Then your wife wanted a divorce, that hurt u i'm sure and made you angry. So you went for comfort which was Mary. But I don't know for sure but maybe Mary was falling for you when you guys broke it off, and you hurt her, and she felt like the rebound woman, so she found someone else.
Now your wife is back, and to me I see it's just a game these woman are playing with your heart, which is not far to a woman nor a man. So my advice would be to forget about both of them. Move on with your life, and go out there and find someone that you can give your love and heart to and they can return the love back faithfully.
Good Luck, and I hope things work out for you. A broken heart is a hard thing, but here are some words to live by.
My fave quote that makes a lot of sense.
" It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never been able to love at all"
2007-09-14 14:39:34 · answer #2 · answered by Cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need some time alone. It sounds like you have some self esteem issues and are looking to other people for validation. If your wife neglected you and Mary is just a player what does that say about you and the type of women you are drawn too? The good thing is that you can change yourself and thus attract the types of relationship that are positive and healthy. Perhaps some good counseling could be helpful too as it is never a good thing to get involved when you are on the rebound.
2007-09-22 09:35:29 · answer #3 · answered by phovisi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to need a cart to carry all the luggage these two women bring.
Lets see if this is the timeline for everything: You date Mary and then break up, then Mary comes back only to leave.
The wife hurts you, leaves, divorces you and now has come back?
I have left partners before, only to think maybe I wanted them back, but this feeling was transient. The lack of respect your ex-wife had for you when she told you she didn't love you anymore is still there under the surface.
I would suggest you date some more and find someone that fits you.
2007-09-21 09:19:37 · answer #4 · answered by greybeads 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. Mary was the first person you were with since your wife of 24 years. I'm not questioning your feelings for her, I believe that you do feel that you love her. Keep in mind, that, and I say this with love, you don't know WHAT you want. How could you? Your were married to the same person for 24 years. You have A LOT to figure out for yourself. I know it hurts. And I know you have been through a lot. And I'm sure your wife wanting you back is not as satisfying as you thought it would be when you were first going through this. Try to look at Mary as an experience. She was there to teach you something. Maybe she was there to carry you through the hard time, maybe she was there to comfort you when you most needed it. Whatever it was, whatever you meant to each other, appreciate it for what it was. You have your life to figure out now. If there was one Mary, there is going to be many more. And it's ok that Mary moved on. You may move on from someone else. The most important thing is to get the lesson from that person, that lesson will bring you to the next part of yourself. You will continue to evolve into yourself figuring out who you are, who you want to be, who you don't want to be, until you find your real Mrs. Right.... Good luck..
2007-09-14 12:02:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all my heart goes out to you first your wife left you because she didn't love you anymore, than you met Mary whom you dated for 7 months and broke off because you still loved your wife is that right. A year later your wife filed for a divorce and you went back with Mary and fell in love with her
than she left you for someone else, now your wife has come back talking about she made a mistake for leaving you but you don't love her, your wife neglected you most of your marriage. Now you want Mary back even though you know she is a player look you are to good for the both of them and you will find someone that will appreciate you someday.,
In time your heart will heal.
Best of luck
2007-09-14 12:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't tell the women you date you just want a casual relationship. It looks like Mary took you at your word and gave you just that.
It's not so much what you are doing as who you are doing it with. You have created a pattern of choosing the wrong typpe of women. Here's an idea that's way out there (or not). Do you have a really close friend who knows you and knows what you've been through. Ask them to fix you up with someone like the person THEY think would be good for you. I bet the woman is nothing like the ones you choose. It would give you an opportunity to see who else is out there and to discover a different breed of women.
Couldn't hurt.
2007-09-22 08:56:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well think about how mary felt when u ended it with her because u were in love with ur wife, and she is happy so move on but about ur wife she seems like she only wants you when she cant have u maybe no one else wants her and she is coming back to you because she knows that its safe and she can be with u until she finds some one else trust me she done it once she will do it again
2007-09-21 18:11:53 · answer #8 · answered by babygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a problem with letting go and change. Forget about both of them. Your first wife didn't want you when she had you and now that she wants you back, you no longer love her. Duh. Don't even entertain that thought.
As far as the 2nd wife, she, too, has made her choice. Don't just sit around pining for someone who is no longer there. Life is passing you by while you sit around and hope Mary will come back.
Find someone else and put the past where it belongs.
2007-09-21 13:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. I ended up letting both go. Why? Because I have a thresh hold for pain that can take almost anything- but do i want to be hurting all the time? Honestly- the way you described your situation- you don't need either of them- except for the guidence they have already given you on figuring out what you want in a partner. Neither has all of what you love, but you now need to figure out the quailites from both and find your third- the charm...
2007-09-21 07:05:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋