I am older woman but still affected by my past lable as being bad?

Question

Even though i know this is old stuff comming up for me, it still seems to affect my life sometimes worse in certian situations. I am a mother and grandmother. I dont drink, drug or smoke and tend to be very good to others. I seem to attract other people who dont feel good about themselves and only need me. they want to find something wrong with me. few of my good realtionships are based on people who say they love me and that i am a great person, to the contrary i seem to only want the approval of the ones that want to point the finger at me and find any faults i may have, I know i am human but i cant seem to accept i have faults and feel that i am no good and still bad. As a adult if i make any mistakes , especially in the presence of people who say things like , look at you and what you are doing ! I then remember my childhood and how i was always the bad one in the eyes of my family and now an over acheaver in my adult life and it is wearing me down, does anyone understand this

Answer 1

I was the bad sheep in my family..I was also physically abused.. I won't complain because I refuse to let this affect me negatively. My solution... I stay away and mind my own business it's all about me my little family and my life...The extended familly including my abuser (father) and mother.. I let them make up whatever they want to say I chose not to deal with them and I live a very happy and relaxed life....

Answer 2

my son once asked "why do I have friends who are non achievers and not the ones I would really like" and he was in primary school ! It just happens that way so just be grateful for those you have whatever the reason. I have a Ute which is very handy for shifting even large objects so have been called upon to help and try to be grateful because I am useful but it is difficult when you feel and probably are "used". Re the feeling of being run down check your diet and make sure you are eating really well so that is no excuse. Possibly have a medical check up really thorough in case there is any physical reason that can be taken care of. As well as that increase your exercise regime----we can always be fitter my son is into weight training and I have his previous exercise machine which he has outgrown but is good for me and a work out certainly makes me feel better and breath better. I was certainly not good in my youth and gave my mother lots of anguish which I do now regret so more exercise as some of these things cannot be repaired but can just become less important.

Answer 3

well, It seems that is the way good people see them selves. And many will say that young folks are to young to remember, but I know that the first years of a child's life will have a great bearing on how they will conduct themselves when mature , and how they will look at themselves when then are older, It has made a very vivid mark on ones brain.
You, give of yourself , for acceptance of the child that was misused . Look in the mirror, and reflect on who you are today , and how you changed yourself so as not to be like those that made you feel bad, Your a good person. Maybe you try very hard to right the wrong done to you , by helping others. give your self a hug , for you have a heart and compassion. and it may at times bring you stress, but it will also brings you a feeling of worth if you just allow you heart to open to yourself.

Answer 4

I consider myself a happy person, and this poem reflects how I live my life. I hope it will help you too :)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Answer 5

yes i been there...but we allow people to do all these things and sometimes if we were "bad" we take it on ourselves to keep looking for punishment from people or our own inner feelings.i dont look for approval and you shouldnt either. we are what we are and will always carry our past feelings with us. another thing..."i dare you to find anyone without fault!" everyone has done something...they just hid it very well. im just as good as anyone else. i wake up...get dressed and go to the bathrom just like anyone else in this world even the freagin president takes a dump like everyone else! lol we have payed for everything we did...if people still want to hold things against us,,,"its their problem not mine!"

Answer 6

Some people, in fact most people, seem to follow familiar patterns in life because those patterns and relationships are one's that they are familiar with. Since unfamiliarity makes us feel uncomfortable, we tend to avoid patterns of living anf behavior that would produce change, even if the change is something we desire. Changing patterns requires practice. Sometimes we feel safer even with people who put us down because we are familiar with it. I hope that you find a way to change this pattern. Part of it will be avoiding people who will put you down. Doing so would probably show self-respect. You can be honest with people; maybe they will change thier behavior. Seek to develop social skills and learn assertiveness which will give you positive ways of managing them and will increase your self-esteem. You can learn these skills through counseling. Good luck.

Answer 7

You obviously have self esteem problems and I suggest you start moving in different circles. You could perhaps join some clubs or groups that may help others. This will help you.

Try and discover some new interests that can keep you occupied.

Answer 8

Sex by no means be a bore whatever, instead the way in which of creating love is the component to consider bore. Sex has not anything with 'aging'---er---good, what age you imply incidentally? You recognize, at an age intercourse's no longer viable, that does not imply intercourse turns into uninteresting to them. (In reality they don't suppose of getting intercourse at that degree.) Another factor: you need to get ready your self mentally as good as your companion for intercourse. A unexpected intercourse could consider uninteresting. For intercourse, a FOREPLAY is need to.

Answer 9

You need to give yourself permission to forgive yourself. Once you do, the past will melt away and you can look forward. Don't keep bringing your past into the future with you. It won't help anything. Focus on the now and how you are now.

Answer 10

Bless your heart, yes, i understand.
At the age of 16, i came home and told my parents i was pregnant. The whole family, siblings included were floored. They were not happy until they each took turns trying to hurt me emotionally, even going so far as to put loads of pressure on me to have an abortion. i wouldn't do it. This made them very angry, and yet today, it has left a giant rut in my relationship with my family. That was 18 years ago, i am now 34 years old, and my son is getting ready to graduate high school.
It used to get to me very badly. I would cry and get down on myself, and dreaded family get to togethers. Then ...slowly... i started to realize something. I was the one letting this happen to me. I made it soooo easy for them to treat me like crap because i felt so much guilt. Finally, for my own sanity, I just had to cut down how much time I spent with them. I was trying to make my life a positive experience and was not going to live in that guilt bubble forever. If they didnt want to be positive .... I just wasnt going to let them have access to me.

Its tough. I won't tell you it isn't. I spent a great deal of time trying to work through this in my own heart and mind. I have now surrounded myself with good friends who care about me a great deal. They dont seem to think I am so bad.

It is interesting now when I do go around my family, they seem to know how I feel without me ever having had to say a word. They know how they have treated me, so I dont feel I need to bring it up. I try to be as positive as I can be around them. They are shocked that I can put the past behind me and move on as if nothing happened.

I figured 18 years was long enough to allow people to punish me. People in prison dont even face that kind of time behind bars, so what gives my family the right to emotionally manipulate me for this long?

It is a matter of taking a stand...... with yourself. You have to forgive yourself first, work to be the person you want to be, and stop apologizing for your past. We all journey through life growning and learning and hit potholes along the way. Guess what? The people persecuteing you, also have bad things in their past that they are not proud of, they are just better at hiding it.

Live your life for today, dont keep looking in the past. Life is ticking away slowly and if you let it.... it will completely pass you by in what seems like a fleeting moment.

Dont allow people to define who, or what, you are. ONLY YOU get to do that. Get into the habit of moving away from negative people, negative words, negative energy..... just dont have 'that' in your life. Negativity undermines your happiness. And yes, you deserve to be happy.

God is the best positive person to put in your life. God will forgive you even if you cannot forgive yourself. Find a church family and really reach out to them. Your past will not be much different than many who attend church every Sunday.