Flat out, I'll be honest and say I'm starting to feel threatened in my new marriage. My husband & his ex-wife have been divorced 7 years. From all accounts, it was a messy break-up with her moving several states away to follow a new boyfriend who she later had her 2nd child with. At the time my husband & I met 2 years ago, he told me that he was organizing his finances & job to move to be closer to his son. When we decided to get married, we both agreed that we were ready to make this move together, because I too feel it is difficult to be a long-distance parent. Now a year later & much more time passed in-person with my new stepson, his mother and her family, I find myself in this awkward situation of an ex-wife who seems to regret her choice from 7 years ago and a stepson who constantly seems to be passing along flirtatious comments to my husband on behalf of his mother. My husband doesn't act flattered, but he also hasn't put an end to it. I feel slighted & insecure.
2007-09-14 10:24:10 · 18 answers · asked by stepmom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell your husband that you would appreciate him sticking up for your marriage. He should tell his ex it is inappropriate to send messages through their son and that he's happily married and not interested in revisiting the past.
If he won't do this for you, you have great reason to be concerned.
2007-09-14 10:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has 2 obligations: you and his son. The ex-wife doesn't figure in this equation at all. That responsibility ended when they divorced.
The problem is that his 2 priorities seem to be in conflict at the moment. Seem to be, but aren't. He can be a wonderful father without being married to his son's mom. Of course, his boy probably wants his parents to be together. What kid doesn't? But it's not reality.
Your husband is going to have to deal with his son, a frank conversation about what these flattering comments are intended to do. If his son thinks he's going to push his parents back together, your husband is going to have to set him straight.
There's not much you can do at this point except be gracious. You're the wife, not the ex. Let your husband know he has to resolve this situation with his son. Then let him take care of it.
Good luck--
2007-09-14 10:38:15 · answer #2 · answered by KD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is completely inappropriate for a mom to be passing flirtatious comments to anyone through her son, regardless of her sons age. With that being said, you didn't mention if you have talked with your husband about this at all. If you haven't, you should. I suppose it is possible that your husband is completely missing the comments as being flirtatious. But that doesn't even matter. Ask him to have a conversation with his son. He needs to put a stop to it because its effecting you and possible your marriage in a negative way. Good luck...
2007-09-14 10:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by abby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and talk with him. Be as honest as you can. He should be able to have a talk with his son about what is going on and that even though he wants his Mom and Dad to get back together that isn't going to happen. These people are going to be in your life for some time to come so ground riles now will go a long way later on. And it is not fair for the Mother to use her son like that to pass on flirtatious messages......Shame on her
2007-09-14 10:31:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first off does she have any body in her life,maybe it's not so much him .it's just that she's comfortable with him and feels alone,kids on the other hand never see the real reasons why their not together in thr first place,maybe even blames himself. and in his head its not that he wants them two ,but wants all three of yall and don't understand why you all can't live together I went through this with my son,and stepson.Calmly announce your views to your husband,remember he married you and your his family now.If you can't tell him what's bothering you then he can't help fix it,the boy make sure that you and him spend special time together. You,son and his dad need time together as well as the need just guy bonding time,let him know your here to stay and you love him..Now if she (the Ex)starts expecting him to fix things at her house or work on her car she's taking it too far,it may be a want what you can't have situation,she just sees that you make him happier than she did and she's jealous.
2007-09-14 10:40:55 · answer #5 · answered by JAVACHIC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The worst part is she probably does not even want him back, just wants to jealously break you up.
Leave the kid out of it and tell your husband to put a stop to it or you will. Then it will get very ugly.
If husband has a problem with this, you could suggest that you might find another guy to run off with so he remembers what she did to him.
2007-09-14 11:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you are feeling threaten in your new marriage you said that your husband is not paying this to much attention so why are you feeding into it. you r husband has made know attempt to set things straight with his ex wife about her pushing up on him. messy break up between your husband and first wife has another child by someone else give me a break dont worry be happy and dont allow anyone to mess up your happiness.
good luck
2007-09-14 12:37:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldnt say she has the right to leave nasty messages , and the fact that you have cut his hair in the past makes it not right for her reaction, i have a feeling that the new baby brother you mentioned has made her feel as though you and her ex have the whole family that she once thought was hers, maybe she feels as though she could be cut out easily. is she still single? i do believe that a respect that it is still her son too. you should have mentioned that you were taking pictures and wanted to trim his hair. dont forget that its hard to see another woman succeed with a man and a marriage that she failed at . put yourself in her shoes now that you have a son of your own. although she may not be right in the way she handled it. you can at least understand what she may feel
2016-05-19 21:35:38 · answer #8 · answered by yvette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you sure it is the ex-wife or is it wishful thinking of your step son? your husband and you need to talk to the ex wife and question her. but my guess is step son thinks that dad has moved back now how can i get my daddy to move back home
2007-09-14 10:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get your husband and your stepson into the same room
and bring it out into the open..
Put an end to it NOW...
2007-09-14 10:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋