married 1 month and no sex (only once on wedding night...)?

Question

so i've been married four days under a month and have only had sex with my husband once (on our wedding night..)
i've tired to get him in the mood and he doesn't become interested. I've even dressed in ligerne and cooked him dinner and all he said was 'you look cute' and then wondered away...when we go to bed he turns on the tv instead of giving me any attention. we started to fool around one night and i couldn't even get him hard...i don't know what to do anymore- i don't even know how to act around him. please help me. what do i do- i'm getting stressed out and depressed.
please anyone have any advice. i tried telling him i want more sex and he told me to stop pressuring him and that it has to be spontanious- yet he never innicates anything..

** he isn't cheating on me. i know that for a fact. but he does work long hours (from 6 in the morning until 7 or 8 at night...)

he is not gay- we used to do it lots before we got married! now he seems to have lost interest

Answer 1

Wow Stephanie, I'm sorry. It's usually the other way around, where they guy wants it, but not the girl. You don't say whether this is something new or whether you even had sex with him before you got married, but either way, you need to sit him down and have an actual conversation about this. Ask him if there's anything you can do to get him into the mood, and that you can't go on like this. Tell him that sex is important to you, and ask him if it's something he needs to give to you to strengthen your relationship. Ask him what it is that you do that makes him feel most loved, and tell him that for you sex is one of those things, and that when he doesn't want to have sex with you, you don't feel as loved by him as you would like.

I'd suggest that you think long and hard about whether you want to stay in this relationship, because this isn't something that's likely to change unless he starts to get that this is a big deal to you, and something he can't just ignore. You should see a marriage counselor to help you figure out whether and how you two will get together more than once a month.

All joking aside, I think you should have a legitimate concern that he might be gay or cheating on you, and you should ask him about it. This is simply not normal behavior for a newlywed male under most circumstances. If it is a matter of him being tired, that's still odd at this stage of a marriage. How old is he? When was the last time he had a physical? He might need to trim his work hours so he'll have more energy to fulfill your needs.

Good luck!

Answer 2

First off, how was your sex life before marriage? Did something change suddenly? Or has he always been this way? It's hard to say what's going on, without knowing the specifics. If he has always been like that, then perhaps this is how he is, and he just doesn't have that much interest in sex; it has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with him. Some people have a low sex drive, and that's that. There can be a medical reason for it - which is something he can ask his doctor. Could be e.d., depression, low testosterone levels, anxiety, medication side effects.

If there was a drastic change, then this is something you two need to talk about - if things don't go back to normal within a couple of months, ask him why he has changed. Maybe he's stressed out at work, or tired. Don't "pressure" him, but express your concern for him.

Answer 3

Well there ya go. He's tired. Not all guys are the same where you think they'll just want it whenever and however. Wait till a saturday night when he's been rested all day, cook him dinner, watch a movie, whatever just don't let him do anything strenuous that day and then give it a try a little before bed time. If he still doesnt want it, there's an underlying issue that you need to figure out. Gay, not attracted to you, depressed, penile disfunction....

Answer 4

Have you thought about the idea that he may be gay? There are enough medications on the market that could help the situation if it is only a physical problem. Having this problem this soon is not a good sign. Working a lot has never caused any man that I have known to turn celibate, especially if he had a woman handy at home!

Answer 5

I've heard of this before and I have to agree it's weird for a guy to not want sex. Maybe now that he knows he can have it whenever he wants he doesn't want it as much. Men like the chase. Plus if he's tired he may really just have no sex drive. Or he could be depressed. There are a lot of factors that can change your sex drive... like stress. I would talk to your doctor or go to a marriage counseling.

Answer 6

that's very odd behavior for a man. i can only see 4 possibilities: 1) he's really stressed by something outside of the marriage, 2) if after the marriage this is the first time that you have lived together, perhaps he's struggling with the 'full-time' adjustment, 3) he's having an affair, or 4) he's gay.

Answer 7

I'd say he's probablly tired, I know my husband goes to work at 4am and doesn't get home til 7pm, and usually all he wants to do is go straight to bed. I usually wait til the weekends then dress really sluty, and make him notice me, sometimes he tries to get some and then I say no and then it makes him want it more... That's how I make him want to have sex even though he's tired... I've tried the dinner thing to, and it never works lol he'd just say thanks for dinner it was great I'm taking and shower and going to bed now! Good luck with everything

Answer 8

He probably is going through a problem with an erection. Have you ask him if he is? Another thing could be that he has problems at work that you are not aware of. Try to find out. Do you know if he loves you with all his heart? Does he have any family problems? Could it be that he has a health issue? I don't know what else to tell you. But it is extremely unusual for a guy not to want to have sex with his new wife. You need to find out more about him. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 9

There might be a possibility of something more going on - like mental (maybe depression? It can happen to anyone -it's a chemical thing, not necessarily how "happy" they are in lilfe- I know you just got married) or physical - pituitary problems or impotence.

I would suggest very nicely (not sure how??) that maybe it's time for a checkup with the dr and bring it up then.

Good luck

Answer 10

Call a doctor. Even if it is your doctor and explain to him. The long hours is a killer and so is medication drugs and alcohol. The doctor may sugest some things but he just needs to learn that you and his time is more important than to much work. Remember that job will get rid of you if something happens as you are just another body. So take and make time for your homelife.