so I have been dating this guy for a month, and we have a great time together. He is funny and sexy as hell. well last night we went to the club for the first time, and he got WASTED, and was grabbing my arm telling me I left him to long when I went to the bathroom, told my homegirl shut up, started crying and wobbling, then said I had to carry my phone at all times, cuz if he didnt know where I was, we would "have issues". He scared me. and its like when he drinks he turned into a monster. Later when he sobered, he is apologizing blowing up my phone with messages and texts. What do I do? Like he was acting terrible.
2007-09-14 08:27:49 · 66 answers · asked by Lil Tamika 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
He wasn't acting. If you think this isn't going to happen again, you're sadly mistaken.
Just by saying "he scared me" is all you need to hear to head for the nearest door.
He's a controller and alcoholic. All the "I'm sorry" won't change anything until he changes himself which means AA.
They're "good actors" the day after. Don't answer phone or answer or any messages. Be prepared, because he will show up at your door drunk or sober begging for mercy.
You said the two of you already have "issues." That alone should be telling you something.
Have seen this many, many times. Watch yourself, don't turn you back.
Lived with alcoholic (father) all my life until I had the chance to get out. It never changed. What a hell life.
Lucky, found right man. Married 40 years.
Get out when the gettens good.
2007-09-14 09:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by Eagles Fly 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ditch him, yo! Seriously, I am just now breaking free from a guy who would lay these guilt trips on me when he got drunk. He swore I was flirting with every guy in the bar, get mad when he couldn't get ahold of me, etc. etc. etc. It was horrible, because I really loved him and wanted to please him, so I kept trying to change and do things better so he wouldn't get mad. I ignored all other guys, I answered every call on the first ring, I was at his beck and call. I was miserable, and he wasn't any happier. It transferred over to our daily life, when he was sober. I was home all the time, so he started complaining that I didn't keep the house clean enough, didn't do things right in the bedroom, didn't do things right in school - basically stripped me of all my self-esteem over a 3 year period. And I convinced myself that he was right, and I deserved it. It's a very dangerous situation - that was all emotional abuse. He never laid a hand on me. But it was abuse nonetheless. Be careful, respect yourself. If this is coming out after a month, it's going to start coming out when he's sober. He's putting up a front for you right now until you both get more comfortable. Don't allow it to get to that point - take this as a VERY large red flag and run! Run like hell!!!
2007-09-14 09:58:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They don't call alcohol the truth serum for nothing. I've had people proclaim some wild stuff when they were drunk. Me, I always suspected that they just used the alcohol as an excuse to say what they were too chicken to say sober. It's sweeter and a lot better when they would tell me this sober. But they didn't. So...awkward.
2016-05-19 05:54:43 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated a guy like that, I always refer to him as the Cuervo King. He was crazy when drinking, he yelled at me even pulled my hair because while we were out I ran into a business contact and talked a little about business gave him a fresh business card and told him to call me in the coming week so I could help with his problem...I was trying to make a sell. Anyway the guy came unglued, I wound up putting him out of my car at a red light.
Get away from him, no matter how sorry he is saying he is. He has a problem which will only get worse with time. You don't want to live the rest of your life wondering what kind of moster he will turn into after he has a few. Good luck.
2007-09-14 08:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by Steph 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
His behavior WAS terrible. What's next? You guys go out, you all drink, he acts this way again, you've had enough and stand up for yourself and--he slaps you or starts calling you names...HELL, NO. The warning signs are there. They always are. Save yourself a lot of grief and let him go or else state FIRMLY that he is not to drink around you at all. That's a lot easier said than done, however, and not very realistic...plus I have a feeling this is the way he really is, drunk or not; he is just able to control it better when he is sober.
2007-09-14 08:45:56 · answer #5 · answered by fun_purple_beach 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like one of those guys who is very insecure, but tries to front like he's got it all under control. First off, if a guy can't control himself like that when he's drunk, he's sure to kill your good time. Lay the rules down now, and tell him that if he acts like that again, you're gone. No guy, no matter how sexy or nice or funny he is to you is worth that happening, because eventually, all those feelings, the ones he hides inside when he's sober that come out when he's drunk, are sure to pop up when he's more comfortable with you and sober...if you want that in a guy, then stay with him. but it sounds like you don't so make sure you tell him you won't put up with it and if he acts that way again, drop him...
2007-09-14 08:43:29 · answer #6 · answered by NICK V 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everyone turns into a different person when they are wasted or drunk. People who cannot control themselves when they drink...should not drink at all. Maybe you can tell him that he shouldn't drink so much because of who he turns into and that WOULD be a HUGE problem in the relationship. Maybe that's who he truly is when sober. You don't ever know exactly how the person is early in the relationship. It takes a while for the "real person" to shine. If that's how he truly is...you need to leave him while it's early. Talk to him about it first. Good luck.
2007-09-14 08:35:21 · answer #7 · answered by Bills, Bills, Bills... 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Remember what happened and how you felt about it ... Get use to it.. it's a repeated act. He's insecure and jelious. Be very aware of your foot steps and remember too, you can not change him, this is normal for him, no matter how sexy he is. .... I would rethink it... If you let him go and someone else gets him... she will go through the same ordeal. You should be scared, this is a cold hard fact. Good Luck in your decision.
2007-09-14 08:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by Charley 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex was a mean drunk too.
He would push me down stairs and cry at the drop of a hat that i didn't love him enough blah blah blah.
I took his drinking b.s for 3 months and i couldn't handle it anymore, i left him.
He was an alcoholic though.
He would drink from sun up to sun down continuously.
If your bf only drinks casually do you think he would listen to you when you ask him kindly to take it easy?
Perhaps say to him...
"if you get drunk, and somebody attacks me, how are you going to help me or defend me when you are wasted? You are so supposed to be by my side and if you are drunk how can i count on yuo or trust your judgment?"
Maybe, just maybe, that will register with him that drinking excessivly isn't acceptable and he will calm down.
Just an idea hun, i've been there i know it can be hard so i hope it gets easier for you
2007-09-14 08:35:27 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you think he is crazy and if he ever pulls that stuff again, YOU will have issues, as in you will not date a control freak. Honey, the truth comes out when you're drunk. i think you just haven't seen this side of him yet. It sounds like he has jelousy and self esteem issues. There's not much you can do about it except don't let him make you feel like you are doing anything wrong. Tell him he scared you, and tell him not to blow up you phone like a lunatic. He sounds a bit insane to me. be careful, girl.
2007-09-14 08:34:50 · answer #10 · answered by brigadoon 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋