Alright ... you asked for it!?

Question

I just wanted to thank you for the warm welcome you gave me yesterday. You are the nicest bunch of folk I've seen.
Now, on to my question. My dad has mid stage PD and uses a cane or his"stick" when walking. He has many falls almost daily. He and my mom are going on a short vacation with my sister. My sister wanted to get a walker for my dad and was asking me what I thought about it. I work with him twice a week so I am more aware of his needs than my sister who lives out of state. I suggested that she should at least talk to our mom about it. She reluctantly did, and the answer was a definate "NO!". My sister is considering buying a walker anyway and bringing it along as a "surprise". How would you feel if your daughter gave you this kind of surprise?

Answer 1

I can tell you this much, I would rather use a walker than fall down even once a year! Your father is lucky that he hasn't broken any bones. Keep him active AND safe. Encourage him to use that walker. He and your mother need to face the realities of Parkinson's Disease. Some walkers even come with fold-down seats that come in handy when when you need to rest. Like the other person said, "Pride goeth before a fall." I would think landing on his face in the middle of a crowd would embarrass your father much more than using a walker.

Answer 2

Well I take care of my parents as well. Dad falls a lot too. I got him a cane (well I have bought him several), at first he didn't even like the ideal of using the cane. To him it meant that he was getting "old". Well one day I took him to his doctor for a follow up where he had gotten hurt a few day before. They wanted him to use a walker to help stabilize him better. He threw a fit, "he wasn't going to use no walker". Well some time later, I did in fact get one for him. It was a walker/cane/chair combination. It was also light weight as well. One day we went to town and he got tired and wanted to set down. Now he had his cane that he uses all the time, but there was just no where to set down at. I went and got the combo that I bought him. He was very happy that he had it then. He uses it all the time now.

The one thing that I always have told both of my parents, it is not just the elder that uses canes, walkers, wheel chairs, etc. Even very young folks sometimes have to use them, even if for a little while. Hope this helps you out some.

Answer 3

The 'surprise' is not a good idea, but if he is falling so often he needs something done. My family member's mother died after she had fallen and the side effects didn't show up until it was to late. He may break something at the least. I agree with the suggestions that all the family meet with his doctor and seek his advice. Let your dad be in on the decisions made for him. If there is a lot of walking on this vacation, maybe a motorized scooter would work better. I hope it all works out for each of you.

Answer 4

This is a really difficult situation. I am an only child and have sole responsibility for my 85 year old mom. I also work in an Assisted Living facility. I guess my question to both the mom and dad in question would be this: If dad falls and breaks a hip how is this going to affect his wife and his children? When you can no longer assume full responsibilty for yourself you must begin to think about your caretakers, too. Dad may need to give up some of his independence in order to ease the pressure on his caretakers. Since he is already falling daily it is only a matter of time until he does some serious damage to himself or his wife (if she tries to break his fall.) When this happens everyone suffers and dad has now totally lost most of his options and his control. Just another way to look at this situation.

Answer 5

Its a tough one and yes some people see a walker as a huge label saying "elderly, incapable". Like it or not sooner or later we all have to "bite the big one" and admit we have limits that can have a serious impact on our health and wellbeing.

Talk to your dad and help him to see that one of these falls could land him in a wheelchair, and then the walker would look pretty good to him.

I bought hip pads for my mother, they reportedly protect the hip from breaking if someone falls. They are small, unobtrusive, and although she fell several times she didnt break a hip. My aunt did, ended up in bed and came down with pneumonia, this is a REAL hazard when elderly people end up being immobile, its also what killed my dad when he ended up in a wheelchair.

Ask your dad to adapt to it for your sake, tell him you want to be able to take walks with him without worrying about him falling and breaking something -

Dont fault your sister for caring either, she may not have the finese in presenting these things in a different way, a birthday present?

No I dont think its a good idea, but the walker itself IS a good idea, get one with a seat on it and wheels so he can take longer walks and sit down and rest, I wish I had one of those when I am standing in a long line at the checkout !

Your mom is apparently also having problems facing the fact that they are aging and becoming vulnerable, it can be a terrible thing to admit and accept. No one wants to feel vulnerable or old.

Lots of luck with this one, be patient, make him understand you all love him and want to protect him - and have him around for a lot longer.

Answer 6

Speaking as a nurse who worked in hospitals for over 20 years and then started doing Home-Health for several more.... My patients were mostly elderly. If your Dad falls "several times a day" as reported above, there should be no question
but that he needs a walker. One of those falls could definitely
prove to be fatal if he hits his head. Also, as we age, broken
bones become a danger. Sometimes older folks fall, break a hip, end up in the hospital. Unfortunately, they sometimes get pneumonia and the outcome is not always a positive one.
We don't like to admit it but there comes a time, with some people, where the doctor and family must make decisions
for older people. You just have to let him know that you love him so much and want him around for years to come so this is what needs to be done. If he refuses, then, as mean as it sounds, you need to tell him he must not go out. Love and his well being must come before his ( and your mom's) pride at this point. I remember caring for some seniors whose family had to hide their car keys to prevent them from driving and hurting themselves or others. My own Dad didn't like the idea that he had to stop driving after dark because he couldn't see
but we discussed it with him and he finally accepted. He lived several more years. He passed away three yrs ago at 91.
No "surprises" though. You all must sit down and with love and respect, tell your Dad this is what must be done.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have your Dad for many years to come. PD is a mean old disease isn't it?
Bless you and your family.
Tameka, every time I see your avitar
it cracks me up! ( No pun intended)
It's just so funny!

Answer 7

If one of my children "surprised" me with a walker, I'd be tempted to hit them over the head with it. If your dad can get around with the cane, allow him the dignity of not using a walker. I can tell you, from very sad experience, how it feels to use a walker after a lifetime of raising children and going out into the work-a-day world, a walker is like a sentence to humiliation. Ask your sister if the walker is more for her convenience than for your father. I'm not trying to be mean, I just want all children of older parents to imagine how they would feel if they were the elderly ones.

Answer 8

I think he would be very upset,but since he falls maybe his doctor could say to him, you need to take it just in case you will be walking on a non level surface. I have a cane and a walker for my hubby, he hates it but I leave it in the trunk and it has come in handy on many occasions. Don't push him, it is unmanley to him and until he agrees don't get him upset.

Answer 9

Medically speaking and common sense tells me that your sister should take that walker on this trip. Not as a surprise but as a tool used for safety of your dad. If he should fall and get badly hurt and end up in a hospital away from home this could lead to a lot of expense and lots of complications regarding getting him back home. I say take it just as a precaution and please state that this is only being done as a precation and for the safety of you dad.

Answer 10

I would think of it as a great gift. You might want to pass on to her a little bit of trivia which might help your dad accept this gift with a feeling of manliness. The walkers in England have a nickname. The device is called a "Zimmer". Makes the thing sound like a sports car model. LOL!