My son-in-law has his priority so screwed up he plays softball 2 nights a week and then all week-end, my daughter is pregnant ,due in 2 weeks, & with another baby a year old He will night change we have all tried to talk to him and he says he will not change he has done this all his life, he is 22 years old my daughter is 20. We are so sick of his crap,please give a mother some advice they cannot afford to be on their own, so they live with us. we love our daughter dearly and grand-babies
2007-09-14 07:32:18 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She picked him.
2007-09-14 07:38:34 · answer #1 · answered by mamabear 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think it's hard for someone at 22 to make the change from no responsibility into marriage and children. It's a big transition. Try giving it some time. You have to realize he cannot hang out with the boys, party, do all the things a young boy wants to do once this baby comes. If he likes to play softball I think you should let him have his 2 hours three nights a week. The relationship will become rocky if you strip him of everything he loves and his freedom. You don't want to push him away. Try to make the baby a good experience for him. what does your daughter like to do? Have her do something she loves 3 nights a week too and he can watch the baby!
2007-09-14 07:46:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a lot of time, but I would be glad my son in law is not drinking at the bars or out at the clubs. Your daughter knew he had this love of sports and it is not all year long.
She needs to make sure she has some time to herself and sometime to go to his games.
With 2 kids they need a happy marriage and happy marriages dont end peoples favorite activities or control them.
Watch those grandbabies for her and she needs to sit and cheer. Dont encourage her to focus on his "bad" qualities but to think about what he does right.
At 20 with 2 kids, she and the children need their dad living with them. A few nights out to play softball doesn't sound like the worst thing this young man could be doing. Yes there are babies and she needs his help, but they both need to have outside interests and hobbies or the marriage crumbles. When baby 2 comes, I would have my daughter ask for maybe practice to be only 1 night a week the first year.
Remember, he is going to driveu crazy at times, but your daughter picked him, has children with him, so as her mom, encourage her in actions and habits that make a marriage strong, not resentful.
2007-09-14 08:24:16 · answer #3 · answered by donny_mollysmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will be as gentle as I can. STAY THE HELL OUT OF THIS.
This is not your problem. If your daughter has issue it is to her to deal with it. I suspect that she will be told that the season is nearly over and there is not much he can do for her right now and that sitting at home watching television will turn him into a fat blob quickly.
This guy is 22. Did you suppose he was to give up all his outside life because they are having kids?
Guys do not get much if any recreation out of babies, that is what women are into. When those kids are about 6 a real father will be taking the children to baseball or softball games himself.
It appears that you should suggest that he find a way for them to get their own place and get out of your house. Short of that all your complaint will be seem as meddling and driving a wedge between them. You would do them a great favor by finding them a place to live and stay out of the lifestyle.
2007-09-14 08:05:35 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! 20 and already 2 children and not but a year apart? She has her hands full. As a mother-in-law, I really don't think it is wise for you to put yourself in the middle of their marriage. It is your daughters position to talk to her husband if this bothers her. *though you didn't mention that it was a problem for her??* I understand that you love her and your grandchildren, but unless you step back and allow your daughter and her husband to work their problems out, then they will never make it as a family! Also, maybe it is time you put your foot down and MAKE them be able to afford to live on their own. They both can work and find something small. No need for them to live in a mansion, but a little privacy and their own space may do them both a world of good! Good luck to them both!!
2007-09-14 07:42:56 · answer #5 · answered by squidsgirl97 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK ppl she's asking for advice not bad remarks,, anyway iam 24 yrs old and my husband 25. I've been in a similar situation, we have no kids though but he did play baseball 3 nights a week and even weekends, it doesn't seem like playing baseball would be a problem but it does become one. The only advice i can tell you is to tell your daughter to talk to him about it seriously, and to try to make him understand that he has other and better responsibility other then baseball. Like for example getting their own places for starts and etc.
2007-09-14 07:54:08 · answer #6 · answered by love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you rather the husband sit at home and be miserable if he can';t play softball? or would you rather he be happy. He is home the other nights of the week. Quit being a nosy mother in law. He should help out at home. But he can play softball too.
2007-09-14 07:43:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand you love your grandchildren and your daughter, but what kind of parents are you to instill such silly values in your daughter to get married so damn young? And to top that off, soon to be two children.
Right now, he won't change. He's a 22 year old man with his hands tied. He wants some freedom. Yeah, he should've thought about that sooner, but no one said a 22 year old man thinks about responsibilities and priorities. And of course they can't afford to live on their own. Neither probably went to college, either, and they'll be living with you forever.
2007-09-14 07:42:48 · answer #8 · answered by ron-D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did she not see this before marrying this guy? He still has a lot of growing up to do. It is very evident that his softball comes first. Your daughter has to either live with her husband knowing that she and the children will probably never come first....or get out of the marriage.
2007-09-14 07:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of this. Your daughter is an adult and made her own bed, so to speak. Women need to get over the notion that they can change a guy, or that the guy will change after marriage...baby, etc. It just won't happen, and honestly isnt fair to expect. A guy is the way he is and either we love him for who he is, or tolerate what we've come to accept.
2007-09-14 07:39:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it will be wise for you to stay right out of it, but what you can do is give your daughter suggestions on what to do. Why does she have to go anyway?, why can't she just stay home?. I would be saying goodbye dear have fun at your softball and just let him go. Sounds like she has to toughen up abit and make her feelings felt to him. People only walk over you if you allow them too.
2007-09-14 07:42:13 · answer #11 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋