I have been having trouble controling my anger and my way of speaking to my children. I want badly for them to do well in school and socialy. Good behavior, well maners, respectful... these are just a few of the things I try hard to install in them but when the go in a different direction I take in personal. I am wrong when I yell. Practice makes perfect but I am failing at it.
I know people are judgemental and sarcastic by nature but I need real honest, helpful advice and direction
2007-09-14 07:29:52 · 5 answers · asked by Lynn 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There is no easy out here... you need to find a positive (or at least less negative) way to release pent-up hostility. I used to go out in the woods and break limbs off trees with a baseball bat when I was younger and angrier. It was somewhat therapeutic for me. Force yourself to stay in control of your emotions when dealing with your kids (and the rest of society too) and unleash the beast within in a controlled situation where you can't hurt anyone but yourself. Eventually it gets a little easier with some practice. Good luck to you.
2007-09-14 07:41:16 · answer #1 · answered by eggman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have much the same problem. I don't like it when I shout, but sometimes it's like I can't help it.
When you feel yourself starting to lose the plot and begin to yell, try to walk away - right out of the room and take some time alone in order to calm down. It's not easy, but try to remove yourself from the immediate environment.
Sit down and remember that yelling at them doesn't do any good - try to examine what it is they've done and what things you can do that are more suitable as a punishment. If they're arguing then seperate them.
Try to make some time for yourself and get enough rest. Perhaps you're yelling because you're worn out and feel that you have no other way of controlling them.
If you're able to organise some relaxation classes, yoga or swimming that might help.
Try to see the bigger picture - you may gain short-term relief from yelling, but it's not good for your kids - you already know this or you wouldn't be asking advice of course.
Bach Rescue Remedy - 4 drops when you feel things are getting bad for you.
Valerian - herbal remedy for sleep and relaxation - in clinical trials it's been found to be as good as diazepam.
Rhodiola Rosea - for stress, exhaustion and tiredness - it's a herbal remedy and has undergone clinical trials.
5htp - at night - raises the serotonin levels in the brain - helps with calm and feelings of wellbeing. It's a natural alternative to Prozac - without the side-effects too.
Exercise - to burn off all those stress hormones.
Don't be too hard on yourself either. Even the best parent can take to yelling occasionally - when you're tired and your kids are winding you up it's really hard to keep on the right track. Don't be afraid to admit to your kids that you've been in the wrong if you've yelled at them. Apologise, but remember to remind them that they have a part to play in improving their behaviour too and then mommy won't need to yell. You have to work as a team.
Good Luck âº
2007-09-14 07:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whenever you yell, apologize afterwards. Let them know you were in the wrong,s o you don't set a bad example. If you feel yourself losing control, just stop, take a breath and count to ten. If that doesn't work, leave the room and think of how you want to respond in a more logical manner.
2007-09-14 07:41:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to decompress after work before you go home to your family? It could be as simple as taking a longer route home. Or going out for a quick run when you get home.
You could be misdirecting your work angst to your kids since I am sure they are one of the reasons why you strive as hard as you do at work and just be the good model citizen.
Yelling won't get you far. It'll get you more alienated though.
2007-09-14 07:37:13 · answer #4 · answered by akipooh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TAKE DEEP BREATHES FROM DEEP WITHIN BEFORE SPEAKING AT ALL WHEN YOU FEEL THE NEED TO GO OFF. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN LIFE AND YOU CANNOT LET YOURSELF GO LIKE THAT. THAT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH....VERY BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH. KEEP THAT IN MIND BEFORE YELLING. THERE ARE WAYS TO GET POINTS ACROSS WITHOUT YELLING. IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO DO WELL SOCIALLY, THEY WONT LEARN THAT FROM YOU ACTING THAT WAY. YOU MUST DISCIPLINE CHILDREN YES BUT, DONT LOOK AS THOUGH YOU NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT. ********TAKE DEEP BREATHES**************
2007-09-14 07:40:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋