non- exciting. i get up 5 days a week and do the same job. i get up at 530 am. get ready for work and leave for work at 730. i get home from work at 630 pm. i eat dinner, spend a little time with my wife and two sons. watch television for an hour, go to sleep and repeat. my wife seems to often be unhappy with things. i make enough for her to stay home with the kids. yet she always wants more. she wants a bigger house and all these things yet is completely uninterested in sex with me. i often feel like i walk on eggshells around her. the only thing i really find i enjoy doing anymore is spending a little time with my sons or the occasional workout/ exercise. i feel jaded about work. i have an mba and earn over 100k but am getting to the point that i don't care about the job that much anymore.
how does someone in such a huge rut feel passion about life again? is it possible to feel this way again or is it generally a downhill fall from here on?
2007-09-14 07:21:31 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Spend more time with your wife and kids. Go out and have fun.
2007-09-14 07:27:36 · answer #1 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
:( You seem so sad. You can enjoy life again. Sounds to me like midlife crisis to a point or border line of depression. Try taking a couple days off work, you may just be burned out. As for the wife, I honestly can't say why nothing is good enough, I'm the opposite way. I don't look for materialistic items, those aren't what make you happy unfortunately not everyone shares my philosophy.
Some suggestions. Find some great friends to do things with, even if its a simple game of basketball or a cigar club or shooting pool...you get the idea. You cannot be happy for anyone else if you aren't happy yourself. I'm 35 and gotta tell ya, life is fantastic!! 5 years ago i'd have never made that statement. The things that are bringing you down...let em go for awhile and take a break. Find something fun and go for it!!
2007-09-14 07:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by julie46616 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have fallen into a rut..
In fact I think both of you have. She compensates by buying "stuff" and you are just bored.
You are in need of some serious laughter..
Make a date with your wife. Find a sitter, make a date and go and have some fun and laughter.
Treat your best friend ( your wife I hope) to a night on the town.
Remember she doesnt have much adult company as she is a stay at home Mom. She need a little mental stimulation also.
Time to put the fun back.
Sit down - wihtout a tv - and remember all the reasons why you married int he first place. then go from those and just remember that the butterflies in the world are there for a purpose and so are you..
If you are bored at home, you will also be bored at work. I htink that once you find your spark again, your job will become better.
Laughter truly is the best medicine. But acting like a kid can be just as much fun.
Good luck to you both
2007-09-14 07:29:20 · answer #3 · answered by psstoffagain 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you and your wife can get out alone on the weekend. Get a babysitter and go out to dinner or a movie. You don't have to go out and do anything fancy. Just the act of taking a drive or a walk evena family walk is a good thing. Allow your wife maybe once a week where you take care of your own dinner and the boys and let her go out and spend some time alone./ Maybe she is feeling trapped too being home fulltime with the boys.
Face it this is life. So many people get in a rut. The thing to do is change it. Change your routine up. Instead of sitting in front of the television spend time talking with your wife and asking her about her day. Cook dinner together or as a family. Run a bath for your wife. After awhile of giving a litttle more she will be willing to give more and you may get surprised at the sex you will get. Women are emotional and needed to be romanced. Bring home some flowers to her out of the blue one night and order chinese in. Call her up during the day to say I love you or leave her a note. Do sweet things that make her feel like a woman and she will be more likely to make you feel like a sexy man. It goes both ways.
Lack of sex is probably not because she doesn't care for you, but she is tried from being home fulltime, taking care of the house, etc just like you are working fulltime outside the home. It isn't about who works more or harder. It is all about coming together and finding ways to make life less boring. It is amazing the things you can do in the amount of time vegging in front of the television. Find a good movie or television show that both your wife and you would enjoy. Tell her to put everything down and sit down with you after you gett eh boys to bed. Offer to get the boys ready for beds- baths, cleaning, bedtime stories, etc. You give a little and she will give a lot.
If after all of this your wife still won't give you sex then it is time to see a doctor.
2007-09-14 07:36:02 · answer #4 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really like your question, and am touched by it. I think it is something how so many of us, myself included, can relate to what you are saying. I have found one thing that helps is just simply having something to look forward to. Plan a vacation, even if it is a 3-day weekend with your wife, or even better with some friends so you can escape a little. Maybe it would do your wife some good to be out of the house a bit, maybe she should go back to school, or get a parttime job, she may be burned out too. I understand how you feel and really I don't have many answers; often going to work, coming home, over and over feels like running on autopilot. Honestly some days I am at work and hardly remember driving there. I think it is possible to be passionate again, but not sure what the answers are. Best of luck to you!
2007-09-14 07:48:01 · answer #5 · answered by Saia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to make a date night...and then you need to make a night for yourself. You have not been taking time for yourself at all. You need something to look forward to. You need to spend time with just your wife, maybe a dinner, a movie, a play or something like that. Maybe take up a hobby (I recently started diving and it is GREAT! - - or what about dance lessons?) Be spontaneous and do things spur of the moment, don't let things hold you back. I am sure you will find that when you start spending more time with your wife that she will appreciate you more and will have sex with you, if not then it may be a medical thing...she should have checked out, because no man should have to live like that. (Trying buying her some lingerie and telling her how beautiful she is, women need to feel beautiful in order to enjoy sex - remind her how precious she is to you and how much you enjoy her body).
Most of all what can improve your life is to look around and for you to realize everything that you have to be thankful for and don't focus on the fact that you are in a rut. You seem to be an acomplished man who earns a good bit of money, it is time you start enjoying that...taking time for you and your wife should be a priority.
2007-09-14 07:31:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is very possible that you can get interested in life again. First you need to find a few things in life that make you happy. And you might try to find some time for you. Sounds like you are just overloaded. I would also go to a doctor and tell him how you feel. He could prescribe you an anti depressant. It really will help you feel better.
As far as your wife, I dont mean to sound like a rude bit**, but she should be greatful. Maybe she should get a part time job so she knows what it feels like. You work hard and support your family very well, you shouldnt feel like you have to walk on eggshells.
Find ways to make your day better. Life is short, so live it to the fulliest. I wish you luck, happiness
2007-09-14 07:30:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your life is blah, and you should never feel on eggshells in your own home. You need to do something new. Is there something else you'd rather be doing? I don't care much about my job either, and I am taking something called a Vocation Vacation...it's a company that partners with masters in many different fields you can work with for a few days to get a feel for the work and see if a carreer switch might be in order for you. I'm going to Texas to work with a master chocolate maker, and I just can't wait (it's miles away from my current job and my education-MS in Human Resources) ...it might be something for you to look into...also, you need to have an honest talk with your wife about her feelings--it seems she's none too happy, either. Maybe working outside the home would be good for her-she'd get a chance to socialize with other adults, even if its only part time.
2007-09-14 07:38:21 · answer #8 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too new here, don't see things like this just yet. I know I will, as I've grown tired of many and better websites before, and this one doesn't seem particularly sanctified, but I still find a few gems here every day. Also, I don't understand people getting too upset by hecklers and gadflies; if setting them straight grows old, just ignore them. The joy of the Internet, nobody is any more real than you let them be. Like phantasms, they don't exist without your permission. Your poem is excellent, primarily, to me, in the thinking it inspires in its readers. Thanks. I hope it's not too late for you here, because you're right, the strong voices are greatly outnumbered by the wailing one-off poets of angst and first impassioned love who don't even care enough about their own poems to return and respond to those who take the time to comment. Edit: Rayven, I see. Yes, much I don't know or understand here. Alas. I *have* taken on a troll or two, and I think even made the list of those who get some attention from them. I agree with your thought that this is too open a field for only one kind of game to be played, though. Conversations like this one keep it interesting to me.
2016-05-19 05:18:21 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was your passion as a kid? Find a group that fits your passion (be it cars, trucks, motorcycles, hiking, skiing, fishing, bird watching, hunting, sewing, boxing, working out, whatever...) and do what it takes to become a part of a group. If you aren't happy with the way your life is going, change it. Your wife's wants are not your wants. If you do not desire a big house or expensive things, or if they are not fulfilling to you, perhaps find a job that doesn't pay so much but you look forward to going to everyday. There are very few things a person actually "needs", so maybe you can minimize and be more fulfilled... figure out your priorities, and what changes you can make that would please you...
2007-09-14 07:32:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you definitely need a change of scenery. If you have the resourses, take your wife on a vacation away from everything. Perhaps that will help bring some excitement back. You could also try taking up a hobby such as rafting, camping, anything that gets you outdoors and among nature. That will really make you appreciate life again. As far as your wife's lack of interest in sex, perhaps marriage counseling would be a good idea. Good luck!
2007-09-14 07:28:12 · answer #11 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋