I am really hurt and upset. My boyfr. of 3 years broke up with me half year ago. It's been really hard since. Every time I told him I am going to move on, he always told me that it upsets him too much and that we should stay in contact and still talk to each other. He said that for now we are broken up but in the future we could get back together. I met him about a month ago and we did have a nice time but I realised that the only way I can move on is to say good bye to him. I did but he was telling him how he is scared of loosing me and that I should not do that. But at the same time he told me that he doesn't want to continue our long-distance relationship and we could try again later when he moves closer. I told him that I need to cut all contact with him but he could not understand that. Now he is telling me that i need to make my mind up about what I would like to do about this but he says that we should have no contact until we feel stronger. I am so hurt about this.
2007-09-14 07:06:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I still love him and I still want to be with him but he says not for now so I feel like I have no choice but he still talks about the future. I worry I 'll loose him if I cut all contact with him?
2007-09-14 07:07:53 · update #1
You will be MUCH better off if you cut off contact from him. Clinging to an old relaitonship is not healthy for either one of you. He wants to keep you in his back pocket, so to speak, and keep tabs on you while he plays around. Not fair to you.
Cut off contact and get on with your life. Let him miss you. This could very well be what he needs to realize how much he needs you and come back to you. Or, you could realize you don't need him like you thought you did and find someone even better for you.
Regardless, the best thing you can do right now is just have some space from him. Don't let him talk you out of it. If it is right, it will work out.
Good luck.
2007-09-14 07:14:15 · answer #1 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think the guy doesnt no what he is thinking more then you do! i mean he obviously broke up for a reason and that reason must have been good enough after 3 years of being together.
Cut contact with him, it may seem harsh at first, but your interest should be you and not someone who cant make their mind up about you!
You may still like him, even love him, but i bet that if you cut all ties and carry on you will soon forget him and wonder why you waited so long to do it.
If something does happen in the future, if he REALLY wants to get back with you, then he will some how contact you, come down and see you or something.
If not, then at least you havent wasted time waiting around for him, go out and find someone else! there are a million boys out there lol
2007-09-14 08:01:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what worries me pet lamb - the fact that just about every week you post a question about this situation. There isn't going to be a magical answer on here and its time you started to trust your own judgement. Its easy for all of us sitting here to say that you have to wipe him out of your life - they are right of course, its the sensible thing to do but you are not what I would call a strong individual and you come across as quite needy which is why this chap is able to do what he is doing. Of course you are hurting. We have all been there. The difference between you and a lot of other people is that whilst most people would have told him to p.ss off because they value themselves enough, you have such a poor opinion of yourself that you would rather have this elementary cruelty handed to you than nothing at all! The trouble with that is, that Mr Right may well be out there but he can't get anywhere near you because Mr Wrong has robbed you of your self-worth, confidence, and happiness! You know you have to break it off with him entirely. It is going to be a horrible time, you are going to feel awful, you also will get over it, and one day be ready to meet a man who is prepared to give you a proper relationship! If it ends up being this ex bf in 3 years from now then hey, thats great. Its more likely to be a decent bloke who values you!
2007-09-14 12:36:49 · answer #3 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this is a game most guys love to play. In the end it comes down to one thing ; his control over you. Hes telling you what you want to hear in order so you wont leave him or the game until he feels hes got contrl over you or youre just not worth it anymore to him. It sounds like he has you hooked pretty good. If he was a real man hed either let you go and not say these things to you or you two would be together right now working on your future together instead of apart. Only you can decide whether its worth the effort and time staying in this game with this loser or move on to better times.Good luck
2007-09-14 07:26:04 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man wants his cake and eat it. He is playing with your head and you are letting him. He obviously is seeing someone else but wants you in the background if it doesnt work out. Make him feel bad about the way he has abused your feelings by saying you are dateing someone else and want no further contact. If he has any true feelings he will return and then take great delight in telling him he is History.
2007-09-14 07:19:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
S'funny, he's making all the rules, and YOU're the one who has to make up your mind. Sounds more than a tad unreasonable to me....HE's the one who needs to make up his mind. Does he want to be with you? or not? All these 'ifs' and 'buts' aren't doing either of you any good.
Personally, I think you should give yourself a total break of at least a month. Don't call him, don't see him, just do your own thing. Give yourself a bit of space and see how you really feel when there's noone there playing with your head and your feelings.
2007-09-14 10:14:04 · answer #6 · answered by proud walker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut off all contact, burn all pictures and souvenirs. Go out and get involved in life. Get a life of your own, find new friends, have fun and a new love will come along.
2007-09-14 07:30:02 · answer #7 · answered by PROBLEM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both obviously still in love if you can't get back together you need to stop seeing and cut contact with eachother. You are just making things worse. You are just mesing with eachothers heads.
2007-09-14 07:19:36 · answer #8 · answered by sam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on. You can't keep your life on hold hoping he'll want you back. Give it up. You deserve better. You would have been over him by now it you wouldn't have kept in contact with him.
2007-09-14 07:25:05 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's certainly got you dangling on a string hasn't he. Men like him are users and the sooner you see him for what he is the better. Otherwise he'll keep you dangling until someone takes your place.
2007-09-14 08:22:51 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋