I'm currently separated and I'm planning on a divorce..How has a divorce affected your child?
2007-09-14 06:54:50 · 20 answers · asked by MARGO 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well i have never been divorced, but have divorced parents. andsee it was traumatising because they just fought everytime they saw each other. now it dosent really affect the chil unless they have fights constantly. now divorce is not an easy thing to explain to a 3 yr old. but it would help if both of u were together when u gave her "the lecture" and assure her that the love that u feel for her has not changed at all. ect....
i really hope u can at least stay close for her, im not saying to be best friends, but u know not to have alot of fights in front of the child
2007-09-14 07:05:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a divorced parent, but I am a child of divorce. Divorce will affect your child for the rest of her life... and that doesn't necessarily have to be in a bad way. The first thing you need to keep in mind is that you and her father HAVE TO have a friendly relationship. You definitely don't have to be friends (although it helps).. but you have to be able to get along. Another must is making sure that her father is still a huge part of her life. Every girl needs a father and as long as he is not hurting her in any way, she needs to maintain a relationship with him.
And lastly.. I fully disagree with the person who said you need to wait until she is fully grown and out of the house to start dating. Your daughter deserves to see good, healthy, positive relationships, and quite frankly I believe it to be necessary... BUT you always need to put her first. If she doesn't like a guy you're dating then you really need to take it into consideration and figure out why... And if "he" doesn't like your daughter.. we'll then he's a no go!
It is NOT a good idea to stay in a relationship for the kids sake. It will end up hurting the child more in the long run. You just need to be careful about how you handle things and ALWAYS put your daughter first.
Best of luck to you & your baby girl.
2007-09-14 08:21:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My BF is going though a divorce too, his kids are 6 and 8 or so. The main thing they've had a hard time dealing with is not seeing him as often and not having him sleep at their house anymore as it used to be. They cry sometimes when he drops them at their mother's house and they see him leaving "too soon". They live in another town so that will make it easier for them to get used to the idea, and he tries to be in touch with them over the phone during the 2 weeks he does not see them physically.... of course they are affected but I think they're still young and will get used to the idea eventually. This is much better than having his dad at home but fighting with the b!tchy ex wife all the time..... they did realize sometimes when they quarreled, and this can be even more negative in the long run. He had a hard time letting go but now he has realized that it was the best he could do (leave that house).
2007-09-14 07:15:08 · answer #3 · answered by Lprod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce affects all children and it doesn't matter what age they are. Divorce doesn't always mean the the child will be affected negatively....it could be a positive thing if the relationship between their parent's is volatile. Kids can bounce back rather quickly.....how well a child adjust to a divorce depends upon how easy the parents want to make the divorce. If they fight and bicker and argue about who gets what...who gets the kids....the longer it takes kids to adjust...but if you handle your divorce in a civil manner, without arguing and putting your children in the middle...the easier it will be for the children.
2007-09-14 07:06:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it can.
1st, I believe once children are in the picture couples need to work through their issues unless the marriage has abuse present (ie addiction, physical, emotional or sexual abuse).
That said my spouse and I were separated, divorced for a period and remarried. All with great expense, and emotional upheaval for the kids. It is very hard on children. That is the fact.
If you haven't tried counseling I'd suggest it. My wife and I couldn't stand each other when we started getting our own poop in a group we found the kids needed to come first. Now we can say we are friends at times we still don't see eye to eye on certain things, but we generally have found it ok to agree to disagree rather then always being disagreable.
2007-09-14 07:28:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was 3 when my parents divorced. It has affected my whole life. If there is any anger from parents toward each other. the child notices. It gets worse as the child gets older and more aware of what's going on.
2007-09-18 05:24:53 · answer #6 · answered by Mara F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the younger the child is, the easier it is for everyone involved, since they really don't understand what actually is going on.
My 19 year old son, who was 12 at the time of our divorce has some anger issues. Anger about the divorce. Anger and disappointment toward his father, who he idolized.
I think at 3, she'll be fine....and she'll be fine when she's 19!
Good Luck in your new life!
2007-09-14 07:13:34 · answer #7 · answered by ANewLife 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A couple of things that are really important.
Don't talk trash about your ex in front of the child. Make sure your child is not used as a pawn in the divorce. Make sure your daughter knows that it isn't her fault and that you both love her. Let your child make up her own mind who is or is not at fault in the divorce. She needs to know that above all, she is number one to both of you.
And also, if you start dating again, she needs to know that her father is not being replaced, that it is ok to love everyone. She needs to be more important than your new boyfriend.
2007-09-14 07:10:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happened in other people's lives isn't the issue. If you allow your divorce to affect your child, it will. If you maintain a close bond with her, whether or not her father is in her life, she'll have a happy life. It's up to you, not anyone else.
2007-09-14 07:08:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It all depends. If you and the soon to be "ex" fights a lot, especially infront of the child, then ofcourse it is going to bother her.
I sat down with my daughter and explained that it's not like daddy and I don't love each other but we can't live together.
He is welcomed to visit her. I involve him in everything concerning her, from PTA meetings to doctor's visits to Christmas concerts. I even purchase Christmas and father's day gifts for her to give to him.
It is all about how you handle the situation.
2007-09-14 07:05:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋