Is it cheating?I found out last night that my husband has been chatting.?

Question

He has been chatting with a women on his myspace account which I had no idea he had.I found it by accident and woke him up to confront him.He says he knows it was wrong and knew it was wrong when he was doing it.He says he loves me and our two boys more than anything and he just got caught up in it.He says he wont do it again and that it would never have went any further he swears.Believe me I am no pushover and I am angry and sad but I feel like it was not the worst thing he could have done,but not the best either.Anyone in a similar situation?Any advice?

Answer 1

Let it go it's know big deal unless he met her and if that is the case then you will need to talk to him . If she lives in a different state then why worry it's just talk and talk is cheap.

Answer 2

He had an affair with this woman online and shared his intimate feelings with her behind your back and he got caught, this is why you are angry and sad.
He is sorry he got caught, but not sorry he had the affair, otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it in the first place. How do you know he won't be chatting with other women online in the future? What if he ends up meeting them in person, which could lead to sex? This is what women fear and it also drives us crazy. If he really loves you, he will have to spend every waking moment working on gaining your trust back. Saying "I love you" and all talk and no action, is not good enough!
Compensate the computer from him. Donate the computer if you have to at a thrift store, to break him from this addiction, so you can sleep easier at night. That way you know that this is the only way you know he won't be chatting with other women. He might resent you and get angry at you for doing it, but he'll have to accept it if he loves you and it doesn't hurt to try this method.
He can still get access to the computers at the library, but the library blocks certain websites (like myspace) and he only will have limited time to use it. Or he can end visiting a friend and use their computer at their house. Or if he has the internet at his job, he might end up chatting up with her there. This is a risk. But don't tell him where he can use the computers though. First get rid of the computer you have at home.

Answer 3

did you get married fairly young? It sounds as if your husband tries to catch up on something he missed in his younger years (flirting, dating, getting to know other people, the whole teenage thing..) Could be a midlife crisis. It doesn't mean that he doens't love you and the boys and he feels sorry. Look at it from this perspective: He didn't go out to bars and met real women there.. He was doing it in the anonymity of the internet, which is often not a real "danger".. He can enjoy the flirting without really having to face any consequences like the woman having serious interest in him. If it gest too dangerous, he can simply opt out..

I think it is still cheating in a way, but as you sayd, he could have done worse. I'd suggest you talk about that to find out the reason why he did it.. Counselling might help, too..

Answer 4

I have read the answers and many make a good point, however some are way off base.
I have a finacee that has basically posted this exact question concerning me, however my are is Yahoo Msgr ! I have a lot of "Friends" on my msgr that have been friends for a long time, way before I met her. Many are old high school friends, and some are actually past relationships that are still very much my friends! Still she demands that I not talk to these people, she feels betrayed - - my thing is either you trust him or you don't !!!!...If he's never given you reason to think he was cheating in the past, talking to someone does not constitute cheating, people do this all the time on conversations with co-workers, etc and nothing is thought of it, and with these people you are one on one with them - its much safer from a relationship source online.......unless he gives you reason to think he is seeing these women, or screwing them in secret....leave him alone is what I say !!!

Answer 5

Your husband was doing something behind your back and it was something he didn't want you to know about. Yes ma'am it's cheating and don't you dare sell yourself short and say that this "wasn't that bad." You have every right to feel the same way that you would have felt if you found him in bed with someone else. This was an affair and you need to treat it as such. I've been through this as well (not with a husband, thank goodness, but with a boyfriend of three years) and it hurt me so much. I kept telling myself it wasn't that bad and that it could have been worse. NOT TRUE. It's a betrayal and you need to give yourself time to hurt and decide if it's something you want to forgive. Once trust is betrayed, it's hard to get it back.

Answer 6

I agree with lady phoenix. I went through this with my husband. And he would promise it would stop. Well it didnt. It only got worse and led to more things.

The only advice I can give to you is try to get things under control now. Talk, go to counseling, do whatever it takes. I feel like there are times all of this has ruined our marriage. And now there has been so much damage done that we are trying to save our marriage because he broke my trust over and over.

And your husband maybe different from mine, I hope that he is. Dont let it ruin your marriage. If you truely believe that he wont do it again, let it go. But if you have doubt in your mind, dont let it eat at you. Do something. Best of luck

Answer 7

My husband is similar. But his thing isn't myspace it's the telephone. He is a truck driver and often away all week, he talks to other women. I personally think that it's wrond to have friends of the opposite sex, if they are kept a secret. If you can forgive your husband try and move on. But if you can't be honest with yourself. I refused to let my husband have a myspace page, for this very reason.

Answer 8

"He says he knows it was wrong and knew it was wrong when he was doing it"

Yes, this fits my definition of "Cheating" - something that you hide from your spouse because you know it would upset them.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt - THIS TIME - and believe that he means it that he won't do it again. I'd also ask him to delete his MySpace profile and any contacts he has from them.

I would also keep my eyes open and see if he does end up getting "caught up in it" again. And if he does, consider leaving.

Once can be a mistake. Twice isn't. He says he knows it's wrong - it's up to him to prove to you that he believes it.

Answer 9

Just chatting with other women doesn't necessarily mean that your husband is cheating....but he is treading on water. It is the content of the conversation that determines if it is cheating. If they are talking about their feelings for one another...professing their love..and so on...that constitute an emotional affair to me. If your husband admitted that he knew he was doing wrong and has said that he will refrain from chatting with other women...give him the benefit of the doubt...He deserves a second chance...however no third, fourth and fifth chances.

Answer 10

He's wrong, but if this is all the further it went, then give him a chance---would he object to giving up his computer for a while? He needs to prove to you that he wants to stop this---this is opening the door to affairs and he knows it, but yes, you can get caught up in it.

Give your marriage a chance, talk, see if you can get some good out of this situation. Forgive and he needs to realize the value of trust.....would he like it if he had to worry about you all the time? Talk, involve counselor, get this mess behind you.

Answer 11

Don´t go psycho over it. It happened and something that innocent will probably happen again. Keep it above board and out in the open and you can come through it in one piece. If you freak out, he will say whatever you want to hear and do whatever he wants behind your back. As bad as that sounds there are millions of women out there that can attest to that happening.