been having an affair with a woman from another country that he had met online. Through his emails, I discovered he fell in love with her. I forgave him and gave him a choice either me or her. He told me that he loved me more than he loved her but I'm doubting it. He told me that he needed to keep in touch with her only for a couple of months to make sure she was ok. She had no idea he was married. I agreed only because he was telling me he was going to do this for a couple of months. It's been 6 months. When he's with me he's very dedicated to our relationship but looking at the phone bill, he's the one calling her. Sometimes he'll call her several times in one day. I need for men to come forward who have fallen in love with the other woman but have stayed with their wife to tell me the truth. I was a couple of months pregnant when it happened. i told him not to stay with me bc of baby. he told me that he with me bc he loves me. i don't know if thats the truth. i feel lost!
2007-09-14 06:29:34 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The same day I confronted this to him, he told her. She knows!!!
2007-09-14 08:23:41 · update #1
I want to thank everybody for being so open and honest with me. I've been going through a lot emotionally ever since this happened. I have felt lost and very much alone. The indescribable pain in my heart has left me numb. I know what I have to do but there's a part of me that fears it. I just love him so much, it hurts!!!! Although, if he really loved me, he would have ended it right then and there. I have to look beyond my fears and take a deep breath and believe that I can have peace in my heart again. Thank you all!!!!
2007-09-15 10:29:47 · update #2
If he really loves you, he will break all ties with this woman.
2007-09-14 06:32:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 2⤋
You need to say "You have one more chance here...either me or her" If it's you, then you should say "Then you don't have any contact w/that woman what so ever...no calling...no e-mailing...no letter....NOTHING!!!!!" If you catch him...in any way...he's not worth staying w/ be/c I'll tell ya...there are plenty of men out there that will treat you w/ respect N that's what you need from a man...ESPECIALLY your husband!!!
If he says that he has to see if she's ok again, then say "Then it's her" you should divorce him if this happens, be/c why would he want to kept in contact w/a women...in another country...just to see if she's ok....im sorry, but that's BULLS**T...that's a LIE!!!! He still wants the affair to keep going
You gave him one chance, you can give him another, but sweetie...don't do the third, be/c if he hasn't changed/learned from the last 2 times...he's not gonna change/learn after that!!!!
I thought that when 2 people marry, that they are committed to each other...not other people...you 2 made a comment N he broke it!!! There's suppose to be TRUST & LOYALTY...N he broke/damaged both!!! Be/c I can't see you trusting him for a long time N the loyalty...dont know if it's gonna be recoverable for a long time as well
2007-09-14 06:42:06 · answer #2 · answered by **annie anytime** 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know, you have to put your feet down!
Give him the choice again, but this time you are telling him that there's no saying good bye or anything.
It stops right now with no good bye or anything or he leaves straight away.
Maybe you should even pack his bag and attach a copy of the phone bill to save you any explanation.
I'm not sure he deserves a second chance to be honest.
He's been totally disrespectful and still shows no respect.
You are so being disrespected. How did he need a couple of months to tell her that he is married period? How come that 6 months down the line he is still doing that to you.
In fact the more i think about it, the more I think that you should throw him away.
He is stamping all over you and on his marriage vows.
He's using your love for him to make you accept his mistress, he's cheating on you with your approval, he's EVIL alright.
2007-09-14 06:37:14 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry you have to go thru this. And that fact that pregnancy hormones make bad situations even harder i feel for you. It does make you feel like less of a person, even if he choose you. Here is a thought there any tons of men out there who never love another women as much as they do their wife. Maybe he did choose you, but whose to say there won't be a next time. And he doesn't choose you.
I is always amazing to me that men can feel that they love two people at the same time.
Unless it is a life or death sitch he should not be taking to her anymore. I say if he was truly devoted to you he one would have never got involve in any way with anyone else. And two should have left her at the door the moment he said he loves you.
You never know he may have choose you both. If i were you i would talk to her you self. If possible. GOOD luck. Hope all works out for the best.
2007-09-14 06:49:18 · answer #4 · answered by srs_stephanie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter who he "loves" more. He is playing a game. The one of "I have my wife" and now "I'll have someone who does it for me". A lot of men do this instead of just being with a woman they love fully.
If he is STILL calling her after 6 months, there is your answer.
The only thing he should have done for this woman is phone her with you standing there and say: "I'm sorry but I've led you astray. I am married and I hope you can forgive me for wasting your time." She may have phoned back or emailed a few times and his only response should have been: "I am sorry". He should have done it in front of you. Anything else is him being in control of YOUR feelings and treating you like a fool and idiot.
He is lying to you and to her and he is getting off on your unhappiness.
Don't lie to yourself. HE IS NOT VERY DEDICATED TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP because if he was he would have done something like what I wrote above. He is lying to you and you are lying to yourself.
He is with you because of the security and nothing else. He is telling you what you want to hear and you are taking it.
That is your answer. I think it is time for you to put your foot down and make him damned sure that it ends or you are gone. Be true to your word. He has played you big style.
I am so sorry. Good luck.
To Personal insult: She doesn't have to "live in the Middle East". The "male entitlement" game is rampant everywhere. Open your eyes.
2007-09-14 06:38:00 · answer #5 · answered by KD 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are two things you can do after an infidelity: Both people in the marriage need to decide whether or not to stay together, and then make an obvious effort to repair the damage done, OR LEAVE. If your husband has still been talking to this woman, he is not truly sorry for the affair, he is sorry he was caught. it sounds like he is going to continue it behind your back for as long as he can. By you giving him permission to keep speaking to her at all, let him know that he has all the control in the situation. You need to re-evaluate your relationship and see if this is really what you want for yourself.
2007-09-14 06:37:31 · answer #6 · answered by outlandsishlady 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, I am sorry to hear about you husbands infidelity.
Men are egotistical creatures. He is validated emotionally by this woman who is still probably in love with him also.
He needs to CUT OFF CONTACT WITH HER NOW if you are ever to be comfortable with him again.
Although even that is compromised. He broke your trust and from what it sounds like, he is making no serious effort to regain it.
Getting your trust back may not even be possible. He needs to prove to you that he is absolutely without a doubt commited to you, and from what I see, he is not trying to do that.
From the standpoint of a man who has cheated before and would not deny that it is possible I would do it again given the correct circumstance. I can also say that the 'once a cheater always a cheater' POV is oftentimes true. People who cheat often just have a different mentality towards what love means.
I am really sorry to be so brutally honest, but that's what you wanted it seems.
Good luck and I hope you can figure it out without too much drama.
2007-09-14 06:33:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
That's not right on his part. A relationship/marriage is between two people and two people only. If he really loves you, he would break it off completely with the other woman. I wouldn't feel comfortable if my fiance was talking to this woman online or on the phone at all and would demand he break it off completely (right then and there) or I leave him. Also, you are pregnant- do you really think things are going to change with the baby comes? He will be there for her but will still be going behind your back and communicating with her. He will not be a good role model for your child and it honestly seems like you and the child do not need that in your lives.
You deserve someone who is with you 100% not with you and this other woman.
Also, he said he had to keep talking to her for a couple of months to make sure she's ok? That's a red flag right there. If he cares about you more- he would have broken it off completely since he loves you and cares about your feelings more. Plus it's gone on for another 6 months- you need to confront him about it again and tell him that he broke his promise that it would only be 2 more months (which was pushing it as is). Tell him how it makes you feel that he's been doing this to you and lying about her. If he doesn't stop then- you really need to get out of the marriage because that's not a true marriage.
He is trying to have his cake and eat it too- it just doesn't work that way. You need to talk to him about it and tell him how it's going to be if he doesn't stop talking to her immediately- not tomorrow, not in a couple of months, not in a year- right now.
I know this is a tought situation but you have to stand up for yourself because he seems to think it's easy to walk over you.
I know one question you need to ask yourself is if you do stay with him, will you ever be able to trust him again?
Personally, if I found out my fiance/husband cheated on me, I would break it off right there- I wouldn't be able to look at him again the same way. Ask yourself that question.
Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea (sorry to use that quote but it's true). You need to move on and find a man who will love you and only you!
2007-09-14 06:38:40 · answer #8 · answered by Madison 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to know you have a husband who sounds like a double crosser and for him to do it during the most sensitive time of your life- your pregnancy. It's not impossible for a man(human) to love more than one person, so it's more likely that your husband is telling the truth that he loves you, yet he loves another woman. Men who strayed have difficulty getting back on the right track. They cannot decide which way to follow probably because both sides offer excitement. In other words,he wants his cake and eat it too.
2007-09-14 06:57:09 · answer #9 · answered by still 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you letting him decide your destiny by giving him more time to break it off or to see if she is OK. NO, NO he is cheating i don't care how you look at it, don't allow this behaviour in your condition right now. Don't you stay with him because of the baby either, you need to leave and be on your way, if he loves someone just from e-mailing them, why can't he love you and you are right here. U are dealing with a loser and need to take control of your own life, for the sake of your unborn child to have a healthy environment without the dumb stuff.
2007-09-14 06:51:38 · answer #10 · answered by carmel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all I am very sorry for all you have gone through this past year. thank God you are alive and well, also your mother. What you need to do first is find a bible preaching, Christ centered church for salvation, worship,encouragement, prayer, guidance and fellowship, etc...oh so much. As for what he was doing--was he commting adultery? he needs counseling also. If he did of course he was wrong, but now you know you should have gone, a 13 y.o. is well old enough to stay home [especially if he's asleep] when you go out for a few hours, i used to babysit weekend evenings aged 12-13 for my spending money & I came from a very conservative, middle class background. Anyway let him work his 2 jobs, he deserves to, to support his kids. seems as if he married you for your money, take care of your health and your child, & continue to pray for a good job.
2016-05-19 05:01:44 · answer #11 · answered by santina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋