Serious replies only. My wedding date is set for October 11, 2008. I am overwhelmed already not even having?

Question

been to pre-marital classes yet, but feeling overwhelmed on just giving up the single life and having more responsibility as far as a husband and children are concerned. My question is, is it normal to be nervous, doubtful and just plain old scared. My fiance has been married before and is the father of two boys ages 10 and 13 who will be living with us. I have no children and have never been married. Please serious replies ONLY. Thanks in advance for your responses.

Answer 1

I really hope you talk to your future husband about this. Once you are married you are going to be like a mom to a teenage boy and one that will be a teenager in a short time. Jumping into that would be scary for anyone. It is hard being a parent, harder when the kids are that old and not yours. As far as "giving up the single life" I hope you done that when you started dating this guy, so right now, that shouldn't be an issue. It is normal to be doubtful, but you have some serious issues here that needs to be discussed and talked through before jumping into a marriage.

Answer 2

Who do the boy's live with? You might take it in consideration that some kid's are ok with the whole thing of another parent moving on, but some tend to make matters worse for the other person (you). If the kid's live with the dad maybe you should consider living with him to see what the kids are like. It's a hard choice to make and yes it's allot of responsibility as well. Have you spent any time with the boy's? If so how do they behave? Do you have a word if they miss behave? Understand your roll as his wife and step-mother to this kids. Don't get in a relationship if you have no meaning of the way the kids are brought up. That includes their biological mother too. October is just around the corner, so do know exactly what your getting into. Husband + kids + ex-wife=your new life!
Good luck with it all and congratulations!

Answer 3

Maybe you need to take a day......Don't do anything related to the wedding and just think long and hard about....Your life......Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him and only him? Do you love him enough to love his children? It is very overwhelming getting married let alone marrying someone with Kids. I have teenagers and they aren't always the cute little boys....taht you can tell what to do anymore. Do you get along with them? If you answered yes with No hesitation to any of these questions then you may just have wedding bell jitters. Everyone gets them.....Most people never speak of them because they don't want to admit that they had doubts about the person they love. There are a ton of great books at the library about fitting in as a step mom.....You maybe should try to read through a few to see if what your feeling is what most new moms to teenagers feel. If it's just the jitters. Try to take moments through out the day and just breathe.. Calm yourself and Good luck it will be over soon and you will be on to your wonderful life with the Man you love. Best of luck!!

Answer 4

You are having issues beyond the normal nervousness and butterflies. You are making a huge life change from being single to being a stepmother of two children. If you have ANY doubts at all about getting married and taking on these responsibilities then I suggest you put the engagement on hold, unless and until you work them out.

I was once in a relationship that ended in part b/c I didn't like how my bf, a single father, parented his son. And also b/c his ex-wife was verbally abusive and nasty to me, and that bf wouldn't stand up to her. When you marry a single father, you have to be prepared to step into his situation, and if there are unresolvable problems in that situation, you have every right to not enter it, no matter how much you love the guy.

Also, it's not fair to his kids if you enter the situation resenting them or not really wanting to be a stepmom. They deserve someone who really embraces the job and the responsibilities.

Answer 5

Do you like his children? If not, or not really, then don't do it.
It will wedge between you. If you do, then remember,
Second thoughts are there for a reason ~~reality. It is not all love and roses, there is compromise on both sides, with money, time, outside interests... Not just giving up the single life, what is in the single life that you are going to miss? No home cooked meals, no one waiting for you, no one to watch tv or read with, no one to talk to late at night? etc... what? If he is marrying you and you have been single, he needs to remember to give you SPACE and alone time with your friends, aside from him. Does he do that without jealousy? I hope so, and vice versa. He has been married before, he knows the ups and downs, depending on the person who was with him, he should not be repeating past mistakes that contributed to the failure of that marriage with you, so take a little step back and remember that.

You have a year to find out if he is auditioning for you, or if she is for real and whether or not you can live with him and he can live with you. Good luck.

Answer 6

When I was getting married, I felt overwhelmed too.
BUT~~~overwhelmed about the actual wedding, the dress, the reception, the invitations, the church, the flowers....that kind of stuff.
I never thought I was "giving up the single life" OR "having more responsibility"....those were the things that I looked forward to.
It sounds more like you're having second thoughts instead of feeling overwhelmed.
You need to really think about what YOU want...it's better to know now than to be miserable in a marriage.

Answer 7

I think you've just realized the responsibilities laying ahead. Two big children is an enormous task!! Premarital classes??! a lot of blah-blah - if you have a lot of time, go, but if you not, then forget it, there are absolutely no use, they tell you nothing a friend can't tell.
As for your fears - dear, is absolutely natural. But you have to stay and really think about what causes all these fears. To be sure of what you really want - if it's him, then relax, with love all those fears will come to an end. But if its your freedom you want best - then... you know. You're afraid to take more than you can chew. It's normal. You just have to KNOW what you want and the answers will come.

Answer 8

Hey, I know that feeling. My fiance, and I will be married next year also. He has been married twice before, and has children from both marriages; none of whom will be living with us they are older 16,18,24. At first I wasn't sure about the whole thing getting married, and all. I get stressed, and wonder after 7-1/2yrs. together if we're doing the right thing. I know in my heart I love him, and alway's will. So I guess stressing out is just part of the deal. "Good-Luck"

Answer 9

it is normal to be scared. to be changing a from being a single person to be a wife and a mother. You are in for a change. Things are going to be so different.

Ask your self this question Do you really see your self with him in ten years. whether you are married or not. Do you picture your life with out in later or with him.

if you can not say I see myself with him always. you may want to think about. if you see yourself with him as time goes on. then you are just being nervous.

how long have you known him
what kind of person is
what kind of a husband was he
what kind of a father is he.

what are his feelings on your important subjects.

you will know what to do when the time comes. let your self feel and let your self live with your heart. your intincts are where you are to be.

Answer 10

Take a deep breath, dont worry :). It is perfectly normal to be nervous, scared and having second thoughts. It is overwhelming taking your life to the next level-starting a family, getting married, etc. Marriage is a big life decision. As long as your happy in the longrun you will be perfectly fine. I wish the best of luck to the both of you.