A cheater coming clean?

Question

A friend of mine cheated on her boyfriend with one of his good friends while he was away. She said it just kind of happened. She now feels so guilty and wonders if she should tell her boyfriend the truth or is she being selfish by only telling him to let go of the guilt? She and the other guy are just friends and nothing further but she can not stop thinking about how wrong she was. How does she get over this??? I have NO idea what to tell her. HELP

Answer 1

The truth is always the better way, no matter the consequences.

Answer 2

If she had cheated with someone who was a total stranger to her boyfriend, then I would say it would be best to not tell him, not because I believe in being deceitful, but because if she truly is sorry and remorseful then there would be no purpose in telling him since it would only serve to hurt him. But because she cheated with someone he knows, then she needs to tell him. This will most likely be the end of the relationship for sure, for it would be hard for anyone to forgive cheating with their own friend, even if it was a casual friend. But if she does not tell him, she runs the risk of him finding out from someone else and this can be even more hurtful to him. I wish she had thought about the consequences of cheating before she decided to go forth doing so. But my heart still goes out to her as I can see how we all make mistakes and at least she feels sorry she did. Hope all turns out for the best.

Answer 3

Well you can tell her this: By telling her boyfriend what she has done she is going to cause him and his friend some real problems. Also she is risking the boyfriend kicking her butt to the curb. (I wouldn't blame him either) So she may consider keeping it to herself.
Now on the other hand.... She had better be damn sure that the "friend" has kept his mouth shut as well and not bragged to any of his friends. If he has so much as told one person, then sooner or later the boyfriend will hear about it and it will be twice as hard on her.
If she tells him about it to stay ahead of somebody else telling him, then she better do it in a way that will confirm in his mind that she isn't going to do anything like it again. Believe me, even if they stay together, the boyfriend will have trust issues with her for quite a while and her "friend" will have to go.
Pretty stupid situation that your friend has gotten herself into and for her to say "It just happened" is simply her way of justifying it. When in fact, she had every option of refusing any advances from her "friend." It was just as much her fault as anyone elses.

Answer 4

There's an old saying that comes to mind with this question:

"What they don't know can't hurt them."

In this case, that proves right, but also wrong.

First off, was there a reason for cheating on her boyfriend? Did they have a fight and almost end the relationship, or was there perhaps suspicion of him cheating on her? The reason for cheating should be addressed...if you cheated just to cheat, she's off to a bad start.

One of two things can happen with this: Her boyfriend will either be hurt but will forgive her, or he will break up with her. If she feels the need to tell him then she must explain why she decided to cheat, and what made her go through with it in the first place. She should also explain what was going on in their relationship at the time, if there were any outstanding circumstances (i.e. big fight) that would've led to both of them going to someone else. If she can sit him down and explain to him why she cheated in a calm and controlled manner, and he sees that she really cares about him and that by cheating on him, she is very hurt by it, then maybe he'll forgive her, and even try his best to improve the relationship with her.

Then of course, he may break up with her on the spot. Cheating is the ultimate betrayel in a relationship, and that could harm the relationship rather than doing any good. If she thinks that her boyfriend will be understanding, then by all means tell him. But she must be prepared for either a fight or a break up.

Personally, if a guy cheated on me, I'd break up with him on the spot, or take a few days to think about it. But in the end, I would definitely end the relationship. When the trust in a relationship is damaged by cheating, sometimes it just can't be repaired. But EVERY girl is different...even though I would break up with a guy immediately for having cheated on me, there are some girls who would take a while to think about it, or maybe there are others who would talk it out, or some may go out and cheat on him with someone as an act of revenge. She should be prepared for any of that when she tells him.

If she DOESN'T tell him, however, things can get even worse. These things do have ways of getting around, and even if you think nobody knows, trust me, it WILL get to her boyfriend somehow. If he finds out that she cheated from someone else, it would be worse than having found out from her. A friend that she has a fight with could get vengeful and tell him, the guy she cheated with could tell people that end up getting around to her bf, etc. If she is really concerned, it would be better off for she tell him.

If she is feeling guilty, then its good...she really should. Cheating, as I mentioned earlier, is probably the ultimate destruction of trust in a relationship, but by feeling guilty and having a desire to tell her bf that she cheated, its a good start and shows that she really does care, but she should just be prepared for an end to her relationship. I think that if she does actually go through with this, it would make you a better person for being so honest and open.

Good Luck to Her!

Answer 5

"Just kind of happened." Riiiiiight.

At least she has the decency to feel guilty.

I'd say she should not tell the BF. If she does, not only will their relationship be over, but so will his and his friend's.

If she can't get over the guilt, then she should break up with the BF without telling him why.

That's what happens when you cheat: life gets complicated.

Answer 6

Honesty is the best policy. It will be up to the person (her bf) whether to forgive her or not. He will need a long time to cope with the situation and she will need to give him space and not to constantly apologize for what she's done. The damage has been done and she needs to tell him the truth. He deserves more than that. Remember Karma.....

Best wishes for the two of them...

Answer 7

Telling does nothing but dump her guilt onto him.
What does it serve?

It is a despicable thing to do, dump your guilt onto the party who ends up being the most hurt.
She needs to keep her mouth shut, live with her guilt and leave her BF(?) out of it. She did not have any problem leaving her BF out of the sex. Leave him out of her guilt.
What a nice friend this guy must be.
Oh, and stop cheating.
If she can't keep her legs together she should break up.

Answer 8

Right now they are just boy and girl friends. If it was truly innocent why would she tell him? She is just going to hurt him and get rid of her guilt. I think her punishment should be silence and suffer alone. Don not get him involved just for her ease of guilt!

Answer 9

There is only one way to get rid of some of the guilt, that is to tell him. Then its up to him if he is going to forgive her or not. I am hoping this is just a one night stand, that is easier to take then a long time affair.

Answer 10

I love it when people say it just happened. She should tell her boyfriend so he can dump her. No offense but cheaters are the lowest of the low.

Answer 11

She needs to tell him, mostly because she cheated with one of his so called "good friends". Yea..sounds like a real good friend to me. He needs to know so that he can diassociate himself from this guy. He can deal with her however he wants.