Sexual orientation or sexual preference?

Question

I question this concept of sexual orientation....what if its more like sexual preference? How many gay/lesbians have had heterosexual relationships and even kids? At least for men there would have to be some kind of sexual stimulation in order impregnate the mother.

I know many people( male and female ) who run around trying to figure out what they are? am i gay/bi/straight....if it shouldn't matter then why do people work so hard to find a label that fits them.

Aerosmith has a great line in a song, "Never judge who you're going to love by your lover"

WOW I guess I expected people here to be a little more open minded but I guess you are nail down by your beliefs as much as the homophobes.....

btw, this is based off of many years within the Gay/Lesbian/Bi community. Many of which agree with my beliefs....

And who says I haven't questioned my sexual identity? In several instances I have considered by sexuality particularly because I do enjoy a bit of anal play...but when it came down being with another man I just wasn't interested.

HOW MANY CHECKED TO SEE IF I WAS STRAIGHT BEFORE ANSWERING? SHOULD IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHETHER I HAVE BEEN A GAY RELATIONSHIP?

those were the days- no, i prefer to be around people with whom I enjoy being around. Sex to me is something that I do and not a primary goal in my life.

Answer 1

Most of us would argue that sexual orientation is the correct way to describe our inclination. I do know that some gay people get offended at the use of "sexual preference" and while I understand their point, I personally don't care which term is used. People are different, some people have a tendency to float from one sexuality to another with little care about labels or settling into a classification. I would say this is a small minority in the community though.

I didn't struggle with the decision. I knew I was gay in the 7th grade. I've never been sexually attracted to a guy and so I've never had a relationship or been sexual with men. Lots of people aren't lucky enough to have been this sure for most of their life. So many people experiment to see where they fit in for sure. And the vast majority of people eventually settle on something: gay, straight, bi, etc and see it as the way they really are and were meant to be. Their true orientation becomes clear.

Sexual orientation or preference, either way it doesn't bother me. I think the reason some people refuse to accept preference is simply because the term preference is that the word seems somehow temporary and that it implies we can choose one of many options. And we're right back to that whole idea of choice in relation to being gay. Is it a choice or not? Personally, I don't feel any choice in the matter.

edited to add: I didn't check to see if you were straight before I answered. I didn't have to, that's not the kind of question I can see a gay person asking.

edited again: I noticed a girl below referenced my post in agreement and then stated that she doesn't like men even just as people. Let me distance myself from that comment as far as I possibly can. As I said above, I'm not sexually attracted to men but that doesn't mean I don't like them as people on the whole. I like guys a lot, I'm just not interested in what's in their pants.

Answer 2

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RE:
Sexual orientation or sexual preference?
I question this concept of sexual orientation....what if its more like sexual preference? How many gay/lesbians have had heterosexual relationships and even kids? At least for men there would have to be some kind of sexual stimulation in order impregnate the mother.

I know many people( male and...

Answer 3

Truth be told it is hard to determine. There is no such thing as a clear line between what defines an orientation, preference, fetish, etc. They all fall on scales that vary wildly and each is formed by an amalgamation of our genetics, our environment, and our own choices. Some people might find a particular fetish as difficult to alter as their gender preference others might find that they change what they like on a weekly basis. I have even met bisexuals who at one point cannot stand the thought of one gender and the next day switch altogether. It's just phrasing and it doesn't really mean anything anyway. If you are talking about what to say in colloquial language then I would say that neither word indicates any kind of permanence more than the other. Honestly I just wouldn't let it bother you.

Answer 4

The problem with "preference" in the term "sexual preference" is that it misuses the noun that stems from the verb "to prefer". I prefer vanilla ice cream over chocolate, but if there's no vanilla ice cream and I'm offered chocolate ice cream, I'll eat it and it's fine. As a gay man, it is definitely not about preference. I don't prefer men over women. I'm almost 62 and I've never had sex with a woman and I never will because it is most definitely not a matter of my preference. The term "sexual preference" is just too close to suggesting I have some kind of choice over my sexual orientation and it's typically used by people who think I do have a choice. The notion that I prefer men, but I'd have sex with a woman if a man weren't available is flat-out offensive because it is flat-out inaccurate. I'm with Dayton Hawk. My sexual orientation is gay. My sexual preference is dark haired men with blue eyes, but I'll willingly settle for a man with brown eyes, red hair or blond hair or a lighter shade of brown without complaint. I also prefer a lot of other things when it comes to sex, but none of that is for public discussion.

Answer 5

I see how someone that hasn't spent their whole lives dealing with sexual identity can see it as simply a preference. For those of us that have, we know that it's orientation.

There are several reasons why someone would get married and have a family, even though they are gay. Those of us in the LGBT know the reasons. Many of us were challenged to take the same path. But we then choose to break the cycle and start living honestly.


EDIT: I hope you didn't think that I was referring to you. I was just making a general statement. If you feel that it was more of a choice, then that's how you feel. Who am I to question that? I see it as something that is a part of me. So, I don't agree. Ultimately, I don't think it should matter either way.
Sorry if I ruffled your feathers, I didn't mean it.

Answer 6

If you question the concept of orientation solely because LGBT people have been married or had kids, you may want to consider just how much pressure many people are under, particularly in rural areas to be straight, get married, have kids. As to the sexual stimulation, fantasizing works, and for myself, at 18, almost any touching would cause an erection.

The reason so many people are running around trying to figure out who they are is because they are told to be gay is a very very bad thing. Of course they want to deny it! They're taught it from early childhood.

Answer 7

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I can see your point and I agree I just don't think its important enough to really debate over My Sexual Orientation is Homosexuality by the way

Answer 8

Preference infers a choice.
You cannot choose what your sexual orientation is.
I happen to be lesbian and have no choice about that.
Like Legs above.. ive never been attracted to males in any way.
( i dont even like them as people).
People who claim to be bi sexual have a sexual preference
Because they pick and choose at their whim.
Liking other women was never a preference of mine.
I dont know of any other way to be.

Answer 9

Sexual Orientation to me is about being gay, being who you are comfortable with yourself. Sexual Preference to me refers more to bi....you choose who you want to be with, versus orientation which is decided for you.

Answer 10

I prefer to be with people of the gender that I'm oriented by nature to be attracted to. Don't you?

I understand why people want to label each other: it saves them from having to think. But like you, I don't understand why so many are so hell-bent on labeling themselves. Oddly enough it seems to be with the same fanaticism that fundamentalists strive to make sense out of their Bibles. What purpose is served?