Last year I was married, I have two girls ages 3 and 6, and was building my dream home. I met another woman and we fell in love and I got divorced. The guilt and the financial strain and the separation from my children was too difficult for me so I'm getting back with my ex. The problem is the other woman is the love of my life and I can't get over her or the guilt I have for breaking her heart. I can't even bring myself to be intimate with my ex. She understands that I'm going through a tough time so she doesn't push the issue but I don't know if I can get the other woman out of my mind. Ever. Have I done the right thing by choosing responsibility and the love of my children over romantic love, or have I made yet another mistake?
2007-09-14 04:21:16 · 32 answers · asked by brian 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Up until last year I was married, I have two girls ages 3 and 6, and was building my dream home. I met another woman and we fell in love and I got divorced. The guilt and the financial strain and the separation from my children was too difficult for me so I'm getting back with my ex. The problem is the other woman is the love of my life and I can't get over her or the guilt I have for breaking her heart. I can't even bring myself to be intimate with my ex. She understands that I'm going through a tough time so she doesn't push the issue but I don't know if I can get the other woman out of my mind. Ever. Have I done the right thing by choosing responsibility and the love of my children over romantic love, or have I made yet another mistake?
2007-09-14 05:09:38 · update #1
You made a mistake now make the RIGHT choice...
Why... Ask yourself these questions???
Are you going to be happy going back to someone you left knowing you love someone else???
Is this FAIR to yourself, your LOVE, your EX and your GIRLS???
You are always going to be the father to your children... You married your EX for one reason or another and had children with her... You have to remember that your girls are going to know if you are unhappy and is it worth it to you being unhappy in a life you are living...
Yes you fell in love with this other women but WHY??? What was missing in your relationship with you wife that this love gave to you...
Think and Remember Life is a whirlwind and you will take or make many other changes in your life just try to make the one that is going to be right for you... NOT what you are missing...
DO it FOR YOU!!!
Good Luck...
2007-09-14 04:38:18 · answer #1 · answered by Who knows 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I believe you should look at yourself for a sec. Are you good to your ex and your children. If you are abusive, mean or overly selfish then I think you should not hurt them anymore. But if you are a good man who is trying to do your best by them then I would pray that God would help you rediscover the love you had for your ex and find the passion there. I would do everything to put some spice back into your marriage and maybe do some counsiling. Love is a choice. I don't believe you would have even considered remarring your ex if you had no feelings for her. Think unselfish and try to treat her like a queen and see if your relationship won't blossom.
Too much today everyone wants to do whatever feels good and puts more stalk in immediate gratification and crys well I'm not happy. As the Nurse says to the little princess in the kids tape about happiness "The secret of happiness comes from within it isn't something you can buy but you will discover the secret only when you bring happiness to someone elses life. So serve you first family and find the passion that you used to have in that marriage. If you can't do that then any women is better off without you. When you give your ex will natrually want to give back unless she has a problem with selfishness and your marriage should blossom because we will fulfill each other by focussing on what the other needs. Good luck and remember love is a choice so choose the one that is right and will bring others you love the most happiness.
I am the wife of squishy
2007-09-14 04:50:37 · answer #2 · answered by squishy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You would not be doing your children a favor by getting back with your ex and your ex will be cheated emotionally and intimately. Its good that you feel some guilt as some men don't feel any guilt... but guilt, child support and not seeing your children full time should not be the reason to enter back into a relationship with your ex. You didn't love her then which is why you cheated on her, you were also just horny AND thinking the grass was greener on the other side until reality set in.
Loving your childrens mother and having a great relationship with her is the best gift you could give to your children but if it's not there...it's not there! If you are going to be in ANY relationship you should be committed 100%!
All you can do is just give them the best father you can be under the circumstances. See them as much as possible but NEVER put another woman and relationship ahead of them. Even though you may not be a full-time father be the best father you can be with the time that you have.
If you get back with your ex you will not be truly happy and your ex will not be truly happy knowing you still love another woman and will only be there physically but not emotionally and intimately. I think your ex is a fool for even considering taking you back. You need to grow up, get counseling and mature first before being with ANYONE.
If you get back with your ex now you will only be setting your children up to pay the ultimate price again...and they deserve BETTER!
You may not like what I or many others have said but you asked and sometimes...THE TRUTH HURTS!
2007-09-14 04:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by maryv2013 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you were married last year and have two girls ages 3 and six are these your children? building your dream home and met another woman and fell in love with her okay and got divoice . the guilt and strain being separated fromm your children was to difficult was it lust that made you leave not love. now your getting back with your ex wife and cant get over th other woman that you got involved with see here its is your not really in love with your ex at all but returned for the children and now your unhappy well deal with it you chose the kids over love so either live with it or move on. i dont know how your ex took you back after this but she must be some strong woman to even think that your their for her..
best of luck
2007-09-14 14:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like the type of guy who holds up the line at a Dairy Queen because you can't pick a flavor. If you continue to let the short sword make the decisions, we'll all get another shot to answer this question next year. You have not done the right thing. Correct by leaving your ex for the second time, and pursue the love of your life. You can't fake feelings. Your kids and ex will read right through that. Between your legs should be two nuts sitting in a skin hammock. Use them or your ex will remove them. The charade is bull sh#t and no one deserves that.
2007-09-14 04:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by Personal Insult 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Brian,
From experience of being the wife, my own situation.... Seek therapy and take care of your own inner troubles. You have NO right to play with peoples life's. You worry about breaking the other womans heart? What about the hearts of your Ex-wife and your children? You apparently where not thinking of them when you chose to start an affair with this other woman!
After a 22 year marriage my ex became involved with a co- worker, it continued for a year. I was not willing to give up, so I stayed and tried to work things out. After discovering the affair was continuing and him claiming they were in love,and he was not sure what he wanted! I packed his bags for him!
After a year of playing with my emotions and the emotions of our 3 children, ages (11, 14, 17) at the time.He left our home to move in with the so called "love of his life "and her 3 children. After I filed for divorce they soon married. This was 3 years ago.
I can't begin to explain the damage this had done to our children!
Divorce happens yes, but when it coincides with being involved with another the damage is heart wrenching! My children have a strained relationship with their father due to him being with the other person that had a hand in the ending of our marriage.
3 years now and he seems more misserable now then he was 3 years ago. The grass is never greener on the other side, at least not for long!
Be on your own and fix you first! Stop being selfish and most importantly ....Be a father to your children! Think about the damage your actions cause in their life's!!
2007-09-14 05:31:37 · answer #6 · answered by Ann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see a lot of "guilt" here...... you should never do things out of guilt. Neither stay with your kids nor stay with the love of your life only because you don't want to break her heart. You should stop going back and forth, make a decision and stick to it. How cocme you get a divorce and then you crawl back to your ex!?!?! And she took you back..!!!??? Most probably only becuz of the kids, too........ but that's sooooo wrong. You both will be trapped in an unhappy marriage and your kids will resent that sooner or later too. You're making everyone miserable here, including yourself and your GF. Do the right thing and be where you WANT to be, not where you feel you "have to be" or where you will be paying for your bad deeds. This is not penitence..... no point in feeling you're being the hero - as someone else already said - when the final result will only be everyone's unhappiness. You have to be selfish here, and think and do what will make YOU happy. Life is too short to waste it with people we don't love. And let's be honest: most of the times kids are just used by men to justify their actions, but there are soooo many other things behind them which have nothing to do with the kids: fears, insecurities, not wanting to be lonely, etc....... Be honest to yourself and don't use your kids as a justification to hang on to something you might consider as "stable" (a "family", if you can call that so) only to escape from your fears and demons.
2007-09-14 04:42:33 · answer #7 · answered by Lprod 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry you are in this situation. I think you should do what your heart tells you and not the financial situation. I know it's hard because of your kids and you want to do the right thing. Since you and your ex don't love each other anymore it will be very hard to offer a home. You'll probably and up fighting all the time and being unhappy which you're kids will see and learn that is normal. If you are 99.99% sure she is the love of you're life you'll be able to overcome many obstacles. I'm in a similar situation but even more complicated. I hope I helped. Good luck.
2007-09-14 04:37:50 · answer #8 · answered by cj24 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
by saying the 'love of your life', does it mean that your ex wife never became one for you? or is this just a fresh replay of your past in another woman?
don't strain things even more. don't give your kids false hope if you can't stay away from your current 'true love'. it doesn't mean that you should choose between these two women anyway. you're divorced! why waste more pain on getting back together after a divorce with your wife?
deal with your extra-marital true love affair and divorce woes like a man who has the capability to make a decision.
2007-09-14 04:32:12 · answer #9 · answered by cartoonfreak25 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing "The mother of your children" and your kids a huge diservice. They deserve way better than that! How can you only be half with them and half not. Let them go because you are only going to cause them complete misery! If I was your wife I would have NEVER taken your a%# back in the first place! Why did you cheat? You need to grow up and fast! You have children now so sorry but you can't be the CHILD anymore. You and your HO should shack up somewhere and be happy!
2007-09-14 05:08:46 · answer #10 · answered by TABBY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋