If a friend's child has OBVIOUS develepmental or behavioral issues, &they don't see it, how do you bring it up

Answer 1

This is a GREAT question.

1. Make sure you have a good relationship with the parent.

2. Focus on the child's behavior that you are worried about... and then suggest that the parent should ask other people's opinions (like a teacher) AND testing and assessment. Don't include a diagnosis e.g. "I think your kid might be autistic." Or if you do... perhaps something like, "I was reading this article [make a copy and give it to the parent] and I just got a little worried..."

3. Perhaps have your own example e.g. "I never would have known [name of your own child] had speech delays until someone else brought it up and I had him/her tested."

4. Have some referrals handy - even online surveys can help because they make parents more aware of things. And also, really emphasize that you're doing this because you care about the parent and the child.

5. Finally, emphasize that you DON'T know for sure... and that's why it's important for the child to get tested... [basically, let us psychologists break the bad news].

Anyway, these are my impressions from being a psychologist. I think that parents are in a really difficult position, because they're so used to their kids' behavior that they might not realize how different their children are from other kids.

I would LOVE to hear from other parents about their opinions and experiences.

Update: I just want to comment on the poster below me (tehabwa) "If a child is "slow," there is nothing to anyone can do about it." With all due respect, this is WRONG. Many children, especially under the age of five, can benefit from early intervention services such as speech, occupational and physical therapy, as well as "stimulation" services by professionals. It's much better for parents to seek testing and assistance EARLY vs. waiting around for a child to catch up. Even if a child eventually catches up (and many will) - early intervention services are very helpful.

Answer 2

I understand that I don't know what exactly your son is being seen for, but is it possible that his hitting is related to whatever is causing his delays? I ask, because I wonder if he's not necessarily hitting to be mean but because he's frustrated, doesn't understand what's going on, someone just doesn't understand him, and life just sucks from a toddler/preschooler perspective. When his feelings and emotions start running high, he can't just say "Mom, this sucks. I'm overwhelmed, confused, and something has made me so angry..." I wonder if his hitting is his way of expressing all of that. The resurfacing may be because he's recently reached a new level of cognitive or physical ability. Am I going anywhere productive with this or am I totally off? Since hitting is usually the result of something else, maybe you can find other things for him to do to deal with those feelings instead. One idea could be to teach him that when he gets mad and feels like hitting, he can jump up and down or stomp his feet or come find you and squeeze your hand. Edit: I don't quite want to say "I'm glad", because that's not quite the right sentiment, but I'm glad you guys are both able to at least somewhat work with some professionals to help out. Now I'm trying to think of some ideas that might work better. Only two really come to mind, but I don't know how viable they'd be. One would be to just keep doing what you're doing, hanging in there, and continuing to work at the root (personal space) as much as possible while still enforcing "you can't play if you're going to hit." The idea here would be that the behavior will improve as he grows, learns to cope a bit more, and as you keep lovingly persisting. Not that it does anything to help _you_ when you're at the end of your rope, but... The other could be to try and minimize situations where he's likely to hit because others are in his personal space. Hit the soft play center when it's really calm with just a few kids rather than a lot. Try the park before lunch when older kids are in school and it's just the 4 and under crowd, or in the evenings when all "good" parents have their kids home eating dinner and getting ready for bed. Less kids means less opportunities to hit, at least hypothetically. Then you can continue what you're doing to teach him that it's not okay. Hang in there and good luck.

Answer 3

It would have been better if you'd explained what issues you're talking about.

There may be no issues at all. Not all children are the same.

You say they are OBVIOUS. If they exist, and they are obvious, then probably the parents are either aware of them (but aren't discussing them with you, in which case silence is the best response), or the parents are in denial, in which case you probably aren't going to do any good by bringing it up, but will only alienate them, while they continue with their denial.

There's also the question of what you hope to accomplish. If their child is slow, there's nothing anyone can do. The child has the brain he or she has, and not some other brain.

When they get in school, this will be identified by experts, and the child will probably get extra help for it.

If the child is a brat, there's nothing you can say that will cause the parents to change how they deal with him or her.

As I say, the complete lack of relevant details makes it impossible for us to know what's going on, whether there is anything wrong, what that might be, how you know it, how you know the parents don't, what might be done, and by whom and when.

Answer 4

By trigerring the behaviour in front of their parent and if they still do not see it or pretend not to notice, then if you feel that its necessary to tell them and if you are in good standing with them, you should tell the parent in private about the matter explaining that you mean only good and get no benefit from telling them this

Answer 5

telll their school teacher, and try not to get into the situation as much as possible, even though you are trying to help the child, let a professional do the job of telling your friend.

Answer 6

Very Carefully!
Very Caringly!

Answer 7

well if you know that person go to them and sit them down and have a talk with them and let them know what u see. and tell them u are worried about it hope this helps.