How do you feel when your spouse completely forgets your birthday?

Question

My husband forgot mine. I was really insulted. Not even a "happy birthday". Nothing.

I plan his birthday weeks in advance, and between my parents and myself, he gets hundreds of $$. We have been married for 4 years, and every year, my birthday is less and less important to him.

If he remembers, he goes out at the last minute and buys roses (I'm allergic to them, and he knows this, and i have told him the flowers I love, and he still buys roses).

He said that for his next birthday, I have permission to treat him badly and not buy him anything. That's ridiculous. I won't go down to that level.

Birthdays are important to him and his family.

In fact, his MOTHER called me from mexico to wish me a happy birthday. That's a big deal, because she is very very poor, and phone calls cost a lot.

ABC...I DID tell him exactly what I wanted to do a week ago!

replexgirl, read the question. I DID tell him a week ago. It is also written ON the calendar.

I grew up with a dad who had great taste, who always took the person's likes and talents into consideration when buying a UNIQUE gift. If my hubby does buy me anything, it is a gift for ANY woman. Nothing to do with me and my personality/likes. I guess my dad spoiled me with consideration.

Folks, READ.....I have said 3x that I TOLD my husband a week ago....(I am starting to think my husband is answering the question!)

Answer 1

There's a bigger issue here than what you actually state.

You need to communicate to your husband how important it is to you that he celebrate your birthday. Make it clear on the calendars and ahead of time and reiterate that you're allegic to roses.

The bigger issue is that if he knows how important it is to you and still doesn't acknowledge it, that is showing you that he doesn't acknowledge what you care about or what makes you happy as being significant. If you don't have kids I would leave--that simple. If you do, go to counseling first.

You are right not to go down to that level and there are thousands of men with and without wives who remember their partners birthday every year.

Answer 2

I don't understand the big deal about Birthdays...and he is probably the same way. However, he should be willing to put forth effort to make you feel appreciated on your birthday - since it's important to you.

Maybe, at a time when you're not fighting or it's not your birthday you sit down with him and explain how you feel when he forgets your birthday. Maybe, next year remind him, "Hey, my birthday is in a few days, and it would be great if you could...." This may help him remember and he'll do something for you.

***Okay - I will edit this a little bit. In your original question you did not mention that you had told him. Are you nagging him about it? Are you giving him any reason to be irritated with you - so he decides your birthday is a great time to get back at you for something? Also - you cannot compare your Husband to your father. Your husband is not your father and you cannot expect him to treat you the same way your father did.

Answer 3

Did he forget your birthday before you were married? If he did, then perhaps that is how he has always been. If he remembered your birthday when you were dating, but forgets now that you are married, there is something else wrong. I think that you need to open up the communication and ask him why he has trouble remembering an important date like your birthday, and why he buys you roses when he knows you are allergic to them. Men can become very self-absorbed when their wife does everything for them. It's not easy for them to reciprocate certain ideas and attitudes. You need to talk about this to him, making sure you are not being demanding. Tell him how you feel, and ask what his thoughts and feelings are. There might be stuff going on that you don't know about. Give him a chance to make things right.

Answer 4

I agree! For my 30th my guy did nothing, worked that day, threw an ipod nano on the table, in the bag he bought it in, with the receipt and murmured Happy Birthday. Like you I planned his in advance buying him Dell speakers for his laptop, oh he got me a card but it was a "comedy" one that mentioned my breasts!
Men DO NOT get birthdays, I dont know why, they are afraid I think of really making an effort, going all out and then... you hate it and they feel like a massive failure, so they make no effort and rest assured their ego will be intact by the end.

I have spoken at length to my boyfriend and said that it hurts my feelings when so little effort is made and to please listen to what I would like... you know like no roses etc. Or that you will be deeply hurt and take it as an insult if he does not act on your advice.

You dont need to treat him badly to get back at him like you said, just be clear and make him aware it hurts you and it may cause you to fall out of love with him and want someone who cares a little more? Be brave! xxx

Answer 5

You didn't tell him that your birthday was coming up because you wanted to play the victim, to see if he "loved" you. Some people are just bad with dates. Tell him that you love him and you are willing to accept late gifts. Tell him he can make it up to you....you want a nite on the town, and a wonderful present that shows how much he loves you (something with a lot of thought put into it) it doesn't have to be expensive, and a card with a special note saying exactly why he loves you. Some men just need guidance and advance warning. Tell him you will clear your schedule for next Friday nite and that will give him a week. Meanwhile, don't harp on what he didn't do just let him know how excited you are for the weekend. Then after he gives you that wonderful late birthday present, talk about it to your friends and family so he hears....brag on him a little.

Answer 6

Nah, my husband continually forgets my birthday. i do no longer think of birthdays are that vast of a deal. he's a sturdy husband in maximum each and every way and has an exceedingly demanding interest. he's taking me out to devour in many cases and is unswerving and sturdy to me. Plus i'm getting a greater ideal recent once I remind him he forgot my b-day lol.

Answer 7

But, you do have to go to that level. If you want him to see how it really feels then when his birthday comes around don't say anything. Go on like it is another day. Hard but true. Or next year when your birthday comes around go out and buy yourself something you want. Buy the flowers you like. Sorry but, if my husband showed up with something I was allergic too. He wouldn't make it in the door. Your husband hasn't forgot he is lazy and your letting him be. Turn about is fair play.......

Answer 8

I hate to say it but men aren't known for remembering important stuff like that. BUT, since you actually reminded him, he can't use THAT excuse! LOL
My ex husband always forgot my b-day. We were together for 14 years. I would plan his b-day with great precision, give him the utmost love and attention on his b-day, starting first thing in the morning. But since he never really cared about my b-day, after 6 or 7 years I figured b-days must not be that important to him, so I tapered down on his "special" day.... limited it. Ultimately, on his last b-day with me he got 2 hot pickled sausages that are called "Hot Mamas." After all, it was one of his fantasies to have 2 hot women in his bed. Yes, I served them to him in bed. Maybe it was rotten but I wanted him to feel what I had been feeling for 14 years. Dismay, betrayal, lack of love and caring.

Answer 9

Why dont you have a make up birthday, i know it sounds silly but it mite make you feel better. It will aslo give you an excuse to have some fun with your husband. Have fun....and as the Mad Hatter says why celebrate one day, when you can celebrate 364 unbirthdays? Smile and enjoy your life together!

Answer 10

You might think I'm going overboard, be he sounds very passive aggressive. Which is worse than cancer. It can't be cured. Maybe he's like this in other areas of your life. A birthday is a big deal, bigger if he forgets and makes little or no retribution. That says a LOT. You're right to be concerned.