My husband doesn't want sex often. Is there something wrong w/ me? Could he be gay?Is society wrong about men?

Question

I know society says men think about sex all the time. My husband doesn't. I play the male role and he's the girl. Is there chance that there are more men that don't think about sex or need it. I can walk around naked and he doesn't do anything. And I'm not fat. I just wonder if he's gay or does he really not have a high sex drive, he's 39 and a workaholic. Does that play a role?

Answer 1

well ok the clue here is he is a workahaolic.. ..people like that are so into work and all of that .. sex takes a back seat. not hard to understand.. .. to some of us guys. after you get out of your 20's and into your late 30's or 40's. the thrill is gone. i mean face it. when you are young.. its all new seeing a girl naked and all that. but over the years.. its not that big a deal. i mean you have seen quite a few naked bodies and it simply doesnt do the same thing.. we actually look for MORE than just a naked body.. we can afford to be more selective. .. when we are young.. all we look for is a whole to plug into. not so when you are older. people like to joke about us guys as we get older that unless we are up and ready at the drop of a hat. we cant get it up. not true. maybe we are tired of all the crap we have had to go through to get sex from women. and its just old. .. but in your case i am just guessing he is more into work than sex.. its not that you are not attractive. .. but its like offering a cigarette to an alcoholic.. .. its not what pushes his buttons.

Answer 2

Yeah, being a 39yr old workaholic does indeed play a role. It's called STRESS!

He needs an intervention with his Workaholism, he needs to relax, to learn to destress, heck a VACATION would be good...I'd suggest an "All Inclusive" Type vacation where he can actually relax. Maybe even a His & Her Spa retreat.

Your man has been Cuckholded by you as well. You say you play the "male role" does that mean you're the sexually agressive one or does that mean you play the man in other areas? If his problem is physical, I'd also suggest he see his doctor as well.

You might want to think about checking the browser history on his computer as well. Low sex drive with you might be because he's spending too much of it on someone else.
I hate to say this, but there is a slight possibility of him having an affair as well.

Now as far as him being gay, it's too hard to tell. You didn't mention any past sexual activity levels or how you two met, or if you have kids...etc. So, there's just too little to go on.
I'd doubt that's it at this point.

Answer 3

Often the pressure of work takes it's toll on sex drive i.e. you get wrapped up in the job and don't think about sex. If you add in not having sex frequently, your body tends to dullen or not feel the need for it as much.

Talk it over with him and see how he feels. Try to commit to 2 or 3 set nights a week when you will always have sex even if you don't feel like it i.e. to get back into the habit of doing it. Also find out from him if nudity is a turn on for him. Often some guys are more turned on by a style of dress then by blatant nudity, for example he may like stockings and merry widows, tight jeans, or looking up your skirt. Try exploring both of your fantasies

Talk to your friends, read, and watch movies about being seductive and practice on him.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Us guys do think about sex often. Doesn't mean we always want to have sex.

I am 44yo, former workaholic/alcoholic. I made change last year & stopped drinking. Not saying that's your guy's problem. But it's possible to get obsessive about work. There is also a form of OCD that relates purely to work. WHat can happen is that as the obsession grows, other things get ignored, including not going out, not wanting to do things aside from work, eat & sleep.

It may be your guy needs a break from work. I quit my lousy job at the end of May & right now often get so horny that the crack of dawn better watch out.

Answer 5

I had tons of sex when I was married, I was trying to prove something I think - anyway I was gay. You can't really judge too much by guessing. He is your husband - talk to him about how you feel. You should always communicate your feelings to him no matter what - that will make your marriage stronger.

Then he might also want to make an appointment with his doctor and get a check up. Tell him to be 100% honest with his doctor.

You can work out any problem in your marriage or you can let it fester, the choice is yours.

Answer 6

My husband sure would like you. I am the one with a low sex drive. I could go months without it. My husband works hard and still high sex drive. I don't know what makes certain people have low sex drives. Well I am not gay, and if I was, I still would not want sex with a woman. I say he is not gay but maybe its something we lack in our bodies.

Answer 7

well everyone is different, people lose their drives at different ages. or perhaps hes too used to u walking around naked that its nothing big to him. too much of the same thing over and over, gets boring and old. infact id find it a turn off if my wife walked around naked all the time. he's not necessarily homosexual, but it could be a number of different reasons. he lost his drive, or he lost his interest in you, hes getting it somewhere else, or he's just too stressed and busy with thinking about work, maybe hes too tired from work. there could be tons of different reasons.

best thing to do would be to actually talk to him.

Answer 8

go for it. Once you have kids you have to be creative if you ever want to make love again. My 8 year old was concieved on the couch while my son was riding his bike on the front sidewalk!! My almost 3 year old has taken to staying up until the wee hours of the morning. A few times this last week we have left him in the living room watching Noggin while I went to "snuggle with daddy". It was hilarious when he came and climbed in the bed and wanted under the blanket...we had on one t-shirt between the 2 of us. Luckily my son is not even 3 and did not even notice.

Answer 9

This doesn't show your husband is gay.
However it does show your husband is disconnected and distant. Many detached men are workaholics, maybe you should visit a counsellor to talk about the lack of sexual intimacy and other such problems in your marriage.

Answer 10

Sit down and talk with him....If he's working so much he may be exhausted , under a lot of stress at work ....encourage him to get a physical.....Men can have a low sex drive too....Communication is the key and if you don't talk to him you won't know.