How do I.....?

Question

Well now that a problem has passed with my mother-in-law, how do I approach her. I haven't spoken to her since the party was canceled, about 3 1/2 weeks ago, that she was giving for me and my fiance. She canceled it due to a miscommunication with me and my temper and my fiance's big mouth. I overreacted to the invitation and the way my name was abbreviated on the invite. I don't know what to say to her? And should I bring it up? Or just pretend nothing happened. My fiance said she's fine and doesn't care...but i don't know if thats true.

Answer 1

I think you should talk to her and clear the air. Always be open and honest. That's the best bet.....

Answer 2

You overreacted over something very trivial in my opinion. Your future mother in law was doing something special for the both of you and the party ended up getting canceled. Well it is water under the bridge...but I think you should talk to her and apologize. I don't think she really is fine with how things turned out....need to patch things up...she will be your mother in law after all...and I am sure you want to do all that you can to not cause any anger and resentment in the family.

Answer 3

i'd say that you need to discuss it with her. this is a relationship that you are probably going to have for a long time. it's very typical for this relationship to be a bit rocky, especially at this planning stage, as mothers are often reluctant to "let go of" their sons (and fathers their daughters...)

So i'd try to smooth things out now. I'd get together with her, maybe over coffee or some neutral place where you both are comfortable, and just be honest and say that you'd like to clear the air on this misunderstanding (if she says doesn't have any issue with the way it went down, then say you need to do it to get it off your chest...)

then maybe start by asking her point of view on how things went awry. i find it's helpful to start by listening to the other person's point of view, and repeating their feelings back to them (like "ok, so i can understand that you were under time pressure to get the invitations out and that lots of the people invited are longtime friends of yours, and that you didn't think i would mind abbreviating my name...") Then when you feel like you've heard and acknowledged her side of it, explain your point of view and how you felt (" i'm really pretty particular about how my name is represented, and i felt left out of the process and angry about that...")

Then go on to see how you could work more closely together, as you do value everything she's doing for you and your fiancee, and you'd like to help everything go more smoothly in the future....

Not trying to put words in your mouth, but that's generally how i'd approach it. It's a great opportunity to form a good relationship at the outset, and also set up how you can communicate openly with each other, even in stressful times.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Start out fresh.Tell her that you are sorry for over reacting But was displeased with the way the invitations stated your name.Make a Fresh start.It will make for a Better marriage .I sore to my Son when he got married last year that I would not be a over bearing pain in the Butt to my daughter in law.I plan on keep that promise.I do admit I have a Great Daughter in law,But even if and when she makes some decision I don;t agree with I will be upfront and honest with her.and she will do the same for me.

Answer 5

If you feel bad about overreacting, then tell her so. You cannot start out your new life with hubby fighting with your soon to be mom in law. If you really did not overreact and feel strongly, stand by your convictions - then tell her so. I'm not quite understand what you mean by: " and the way my name was abbreviated on the invite." How and why did they abbreviate your name?

Answer 6

Eat crow be the bigger person and own up to what you just said here. She will be fine when you do that. No matter the name thing, she was throwing you a party and you threw a hissy fit. It won't be over until you tell her your sorry because something did happen. Good luck though cuz I know it's hard with the pre/inlaws. Anyways she will respect you a lot more for it.

Answer 7

Oh, good grief. Honey, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to treat this in an adult, respectful manner. Just go to his mom, bring flowers, and say, "You know, I feel awful that I was so rude to you a few weeks ago over the party invitations. I guess I'm more nervous about getting married than I thought, because it was such a nice thing for you to offer to do, and I really overreacted. I'm so sorry, please forgive me, you're going to be my mother-in-law for a long time, and I don't want to start off on the wrong foot." Don't ignore it, because I guarantee you, she hasn't forgotten.

Answer 8

she does care... she is just trying to keep the peace with her son... if she didn't care, she would have reprinted the invites and not canceled the party... if she wants to pretend then fine... pretend with her... in the big picture, it doesn't matter what she thinks anyway... only thing that counts is you and him... good luck!

Answer 9

Apologize to her, she was nice enough to try and give you a party and she didn't have too. Remember she is going to be in your life for as long as you are with your husband so be nice. I am sure it would make her feel better. If you don't she may think badly of you or be hurt. Call her and Apologize.

Answer 10

I would meet her face to face and apologize. You need to put this to rest as it will pop up again in the future.

Just say your are sorry and leave it alone. Do not dwell on it.