Poem - When Are You Supposed To Feel Old?

Question

When are you supposed to feel old?
I remember, it was 40 I was told.
40 arrived and then did depart,
And here I am, 11 at heart.

I eye the mirror, and it eyes me,
Together we decide we are happy.
I am content with the reflection,
Of inner youth and perception.

Age brings the wisdom of a child,
With the dignity to be free and wild.
Forever I shall remain this age,
Free to experiment and engage.

So, 11 is my life's work each day,
With years of experiences to relay.
To those of younger years,
Who look in the mirror and form tears.

Answer 1

Hi M...

OK, I read it through quite a few times. Nice...you are much more confident in the way you construct your phrases by focusing on the rhythm and flow of the words. Hope I am free to make a few suggestions though...

The stanzas themselves...we have a rhyming scheme here: a a b b.

Fine, but when you do that, you need to check that your subsequent stanzas have an equal syllable rhythm too.

So, an idea (if I may?)

When are you supposed to feel old?
40 I remember being told.
40 arrived and then departed,
Yet in my head, 11 just started....

I hope you see what I am trying to say M?

So, next point...you would benefit from following this paradox between mental age and physical age further...the adult as a child, the child in the adult...there is much to be said for and about it! (47 here, going on 13...!)

In short, it has 'legs' M...but it still needs the right shoes, if you see what I mean? Good for you though! Keep it up!!!

Best wishes, as always,

Jim

Answer 2

3

Answer 3

It can be difficult at times to write a peom when trying to follow hardcoded guidelines.

If you were to write a sestina or perhaps a sonnet using a preset rhyme scheme you would find that it becomes a chore and no longer a pleasure.

Best to write what is in your heart but if you wish to have it published surely it will faulter for so many would wish to abmonish the newly found poem from his or her aspirations.

I like the poem and would suggest you start up a profile at allpeotry.com to share with many others.

I have a profile there as well.

Answer 4

I loved your poem. This will not be a technical critique--Jim has given you that. I very much appreciated the content. My favorite part was the thought behind this one line:

Age brings the wisdom of a child

That is quite profound. It is something worth reflecting on. What's more it is something I will be reflecting on. Thank you for sharing this. I find myself thinking of age and the lessons of age more and more as I get older.

All my best,

Todd

Answer 5

I like this one the best. The name I think should be "11 at Heart". Sorry can not go on but to work.

Answer 6

Nice one you got to feel old.

But i was told that life begins at 40 years old,
40 glorious years to be old.

To be old for a new beginning at the age 40 is somewhat apart,
Feeling old is only in the mind but feeling young is in the heart.

Then follow your heart to be always young,
40 years old gives you an end in being young.

Answer 7

Marguerite, its a beautiful poem !!! You have written it so well & even the perception on old age is just so right. Your poetry skills have really improved alot..

Good luck & keep writing more, ya ?

Answer 8

I loved your poem.... It makes me feel like I am young again.... Sometimes I feel like a kid again and you express yourself through your poems so vividly. It was a very nice poem.

Answer 9

Its so beautiful I had to go back and read all of your other poems again. Please dont stop writing. You filled my heart in a dreary day.

Answer 10

Here are some tears in the rain ......
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQcUS4chhc4
.