How much "baggage" is too much?

Question

With the divorce rate as high as it is the chances of becoming involved with someone who has an ex spouse and kids is very high. As a recently divorced mother of one son who thinks she is now ready to start dating again I am wondering what my chances are of meeting someone. I have my own house, car, a good job and my son lives with me. I have very little to do with my ex husband. However, I am a single mom. If a person wanted a serious relationship with me they would have to accept my son as well. So, my question, how are divorced moms viewed in the dating world?

Answer 1

you sound like a real catch, you basically have a little carry on luggage, some women out there have the extra sized check in and pay extra baggage.

Answer 2

Well, i have been divorced 4 years now and single for the whole time. I found it hard to date afterwards but thats just me. i too have a son and my own apartment, good for you on the house, and a great job. Not many men i found care that a woman is divorced, having a kid is another issue, though my son lives with his father during summers and me in winter, i try not to subject my son to men i date. When you get out and want to meet men, try places in which you like to go to and have interests in. That way the man you meet have common interests and can have much conversation with. I'm still happy being single. Society has much to do with the views on divorced moms and dads too, Look at the high rate of unwed moms with children from a couple different fathers, i think divorced women have it easier to find a good man rather than one in which will just see a tread mill to use.

Answer 3

I am divorced. I am engaged to man with one wonderful son. The very first time we met, he made it very clear that his son would always be first in his life (He has primary custody, his ex see his son once a week). I respected this man more than any other man I had ever met. He is a Dad first and foremost.

Be honest up front. That way you will weed out all of the jerks out there. I met a lot of them. I also had my own home, car and money. I was regularly told that all of that is intimidating. I found that yeah is was intimidating to boys not real men. There are a lot of good guys out there, you just have to keep trying.

Good luck and have fun!

Answer 4

Single moms are considered pretty much normal these days. Now if you were still hung up on your ex and every other word out of your mouth was he did this and this and this etc. I would say that was too much baggage and you need to wait on dating. All though there still are men out there who will not date women with children and vise versa. But seriously would you want anyone who didn't like children anyways?? Your chances of dating is really good, so don't worry, and don't hide the fact that you are a mom.

Answer 5

I believe that your chances are good, but that you should be completely upfront on your views of how important your son is in your life. If they know the deal up front, they can make an informed decision....and they will know what they can and can't handle, and if you end up with a man who has doubts about becoming a stepfather, as in tendancies to be mean or ignore your son, then OUT he goes. I married a man with two young children, with an open mind and heart...so don't sell yourself short.

There are men out there who value a mature, wise, financially stable woman and would not consider a child baggage at all, but an added bonus.

Answer 6

You should not worry, as divorced single moms are no longer "dating lepers". I am a divorced man with a son (soon to be remarried) and most of the women I had gone on dates with were in your category. I have kidded with friends that they were not likely to find a woman who has been beamed down from the mothership onto their front lawn with no previous life experiences and obligations, like children.

I would suggest you go onto a free dating website and browse through the female profiles - no, not to find a date LOL. Just to see how many divorced women with kids are truly out there. It seems to be the new norm. You will also see a ton of guys who also have children they are actively involved with in their lives (and if they have kids and are not involved, you might want to question your choice - would you want someone eventually being in your own son's life that isn't involved in the life of his own?)

Your chances are great in meeting someone as you have your own life. If most guys are brutally honest and are in the divorced-dating-parent category we do not want someone who does not have "means" of their own. To be blunt, if we have kids of our own, we are paying child support and although we usually are cool with treating and paying the tab on a date, sometimes the economic reality is that we can't do it all. If a woman has the ability to pitch in it is also appreciated. Having your own life also makes you a more interesting person as you likely will not be sitting around waiting for the phone to ring.

The one thing I will recommend if you are planning to date is to ensure you are able to put aside some time to go out. As obvious as that sounds, it is not that uncommon for a devoted mom to want to start dating but has very limited or no availability based on scheduling with their children (homework, activities etc.). If you meet someone you are interested in, and they are interested in you, but you are not able to make time to date them, it will only end up in frustration for the gent. So be fair, and ensure your life can accomodate a social life, or make changes that will allow you to do so (babysitter, ex-husband on weekends or whatever to free up some time).

Have fun and good luck!

Answer 7

What you have isn't "baggage". Baggage is what someone has that they don't want to deal with themselves so they hand it over to you and say "we" can handle this "together". For example, an overbearing ex, or meddlesome parents, or unpaid bills from before you met. What you have is a nice little family. Anyone who can't accept your son as their own doesn't deserve you. Plenty of men (and women) would see your child as an asset, and that is the type of person you should keep your sights out for.

Answer 8

I am in the same situation. Its not easy. I have met so many people and yet I am still single. Im sure there will be someone out there that will love me enough to accept my children. My advice. Date men dont bring them home until you are sure you want to introduce them into your life. There is no need to rush anything. I was told dating was like interviews. You have lots of them before you find the perfect one. So hopefuly you have a babysitter. That tends to be the biggest problem. Good luck. Its a fun, but crazy road.

Answer 9

You will find a man who will treat you and your son wonderfully. I havent even been married yet but my mom was divorced and shes dated a little bit. A few women in my family who have been divorced have all been lucky enough to find a man that has treated them and their children well. Im sure you will have a a few creeps but you always have to get thru the bad ones to get a great one. Dont worry. Be yourself and dont settle for anything less than what you and your son deserve.

Answer 10

My sister was a single mom and she married this guy. I think it was more desperation and not so much love and now she has four kids and the guy treats her like crap. I guess my advice is don't feel like you have to settle because you have "baggage". A good man will love you for who you are and treat your son like he deserves to be treated.

Truthfully we ALL have baggage whether it comes in the form of children, exes, family members or emotional issues.

Good luck!

Answer 11

well, i too was a single mom for 7 years before i met my husband
he is also divorced but has no children from his previous marriage and he really enjoys mine!
i think that when you have made up your mind to start dating again that you might want to talk with your son and make sure that he is "ok" with it and that he understands that this other man is not taking the place of his father but someone that you can share your lives with.
the dating world can sometimes be very generous to someone who is very thoughtful of their family which you have shown that you are
good luck to you and your son!