I am married with 3 girls. I have been with my husband for 6 years , 5 of which were HELL. he is now in jail and wont quit drinking that is why he is back in jail now he wont hold a job and I cant see raising my girls like this. I have been having car trouble and my friends cousin has been helping me out alot and I find my self liking him and him liking me. I dont belive in divorce because it was not a part of the agreement but he is not keeping his vows to me. Should I stay or should I leave? Yes I love him but you cant live on love and it seems we cant get past his drinking and abusive behaviors. thanks in advance
2007-09-14 02:50:54 · 28 answers · asked by faithfullyyours 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If 5 of the 6 years were hell, why are you even asking what to do? I think you already know.
Is this the example of marriage and family that you want your girls to believe in?
What advice would you give your daughter if she were in your shoes? You would not like your daughters being treated the way you are. You would not want them to be as unhappy as you are. So why would you want them to grow up thinking that this awful situation is what marriage and family are all about?
You better start believing in divorce because murder is not legal!
2007-09-14 02:56:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question AND furthermore.. Alcohol abuse, domestic abusive and jail are NOT a part of growing up... It's about being a good father and husband which he has been neither of the two.. If you DO NOT believe in divorce than when he gets out of jail it is up to the two of you together to seek family counseling or AA or some other type of program.. Since it would be ridiculous to think that your husband should go it alone.. If you want to remain in a wedded union than it's best to have the girls maybe stay with a friend/family member until your husband/yourself seek counseling and then have the girls attend some sort of therapy as well... If you don't believe in divorce than I'm sure adultery is out of the question as well... If you want to be with the cousin you SHOULD get a divorce from your husband.... That's the fair and logical thing to do.. Although, I would suggest leaving your husband and finding a different partner than the cousin all together... Good luck
2007-09-14 10:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To think you have been living in hell for 5 whole years and went ahead and had 3 babies anyway, dumb choices have put you in the current predicament you find yourself in now. I am sure your children are precious to you, but to bring children into the world where your marriage is not healthy is not a good thing to do. Your husband obviously has a drinking problem and has had on for years. Unless he is serious about getting help for his drinking, I am afraid you have no other choice but to leave him as this is not a healthy environment for your children to live in. Otherwise you staying you are only enabling him with his drinking and giving him no incentive to change. This way of life is traumatic enough for your children without you bringing yet another guy into the picture. Take care of your current relationship first either by going to counselling or getting your divorce before you even think of starting a relationship with someone else. Best of luck to you and your girls!
2007-09-14 10:29:38 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that anyone gets married and truly believes in divorce.
Divorce is something that happens when you decide that the living conditions or situation is not fixable, you've tried everything, and you finally realize that going your separate ways is the best thing to do.
Five years of hell doesn't seem to me to be what you bargained for when you got married.
Speaking for myself, I would think ahead to what it will deteriorate into, get out of the marriage, and find a good man who really has the values you were looking for in the first place. This isn't your fault that he didn't keep his vows, but many other good men out there will, and will treat your children how a father should.
2007-09-14 09:57:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see...he is an abusive drunk (your words, not mine).....GET THE F OUT OF THERE. Come on, why would you stick around there???? Since you obviously don't care about what happens to you (or you would have left a long time ago) think about your daughters and the effect this is having on them. This is not the environment they should be growing up in. Having no man in your life is better than having him. If he is in jail, now is the time to get out and get on your own!!! Make a clean getaway and do not tell him where you are at. Come on, just sit down and look atyour life for a couple minutes....if you are not happy, then change it, you have the power to do so and it is a whole lot better than sitting there and whining about it to a bunch of people on Yahoo....GET OUT.
2007-09-14 09:58:59 · answer #5 · answered by Lookin-2-Talk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly, if five out of six years has been hell, You should think about getting out. I dont think that in his vows he told you that he would not support his family, and be in and out of jail and become a drunk.
No woman deserves this kind of behavior from a man. What do he think he would if the tables were turned and you were the one acting this way? I can say there is no way he would put up with it.
Not only that, You have three girls that are growing up in this kind of enviroment. They only see daddy drinking and in jail and not working. I am also sure they see mommy crying and upset. And probably working her a** off to get ahead and provide for her family.
Honey it's not fair to you and it's not fair to your children. You need to be able to enjoy life and your children need to be able to live it to the fullest. What would you tell one of your daughters to do if they were in your shoes. Live life to the fulliest and Good Luck
2007-09-14 10:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by brandy G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have yourself a tricky situation. I would highly suggest staying away from this other man he is only causing you more confusion. Don't baby your husband and don't try to tell him what to do let him make his mistakes and learn from them. Tell him you will not tolerate his drinking and if he can't quit for you and the girls and himself for that matter then he needs to pack up and leave for good. Now I don't believe in divorce either but you need to stand up for yourself and your children let him know where you stand and tell him you won't tolerate his lack of work ethic and he also needs to make the decision to get a job and keep it as well as quit drinking if/when he makes the effort to do these two things praise him for his efforts this will give him the desire to keep trying.
2007-09-14 12:53:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this may sound very harsh but the truth is not always sugar coated...leave him... and who ever told you not to believe in a divorce??
it is your right to divorce a partner who is abusive,doesnot carry his responsibilities towards his wife and children and is not responsible enough to get a job but he rather drink and end up in jail!...
you are messing up with your daughters lives here, they need a constant secure relationship in their life not some geek that they call dad but he is never around.
the decision is tuff but you have to make one before you ruin your daughters future.
dont concentrate on replacing him with someone else at the moment. the most important part is moving out , finding yourself a job once the income starts comming in get your life back on track, see what needs to be provided to your daughters and go along with the plan.... love and a new relationship will follow.
2007-09-14 09:58:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband refuses to get help or change his ways, then it's time to consider leaving. Your girls need to grow up in a more stable environment. Now that he is in jail, it is the perfect time to move out and find a different living situation for you and your daughters. Good luck with everything.
2007-09-14 09:54:58 · answer #9 · answered by nene111782 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in divorce either. But certain situations demand one. Yours does, for your and your kids sanity, safety, and future. It doesn't sound like much positive comes from this man and it doesn't sound like he's looking for help.
I don' think you should focus on this "new guy" right now. But definitly get out and get divorced. Your life may be harder as a single Mom, but it sounds like you have been pulling all the weight for the past few years anyway. You'll be fine. You and your kids will be happier. Good luck.
2007-09-14 09:58:14 · answer #10 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋