I am so depressed, I don't know why I can't leave him... Why can't i leave him?

Question

I cant leave him. I can't. He clearly doesn't love me. he chooses his work over his family and has disrespected me in unreal ways. our relationship has been abusive physically, mentally, and verbally. He has called me every name in the book, left me suicidal. He has called exes in the middle of fights, he has degraded me and thrown the fact I was molested as a child in my face. He belittles me makes me want to curl up in a ball and die.Through arguements at the most heated points hes told me that he wants to leave me but doesn't know how to move on, hes told me he stays for our daughter. His apologies have become non-existant and pathetic since his time at his new job. Hes become more masculating and doesn't seem to care even more. He escapes to work that is a tattoo shop. Yesterday was where my last string of hope disappeared. His cellphone is very sensitve and called me while he was at work. I overheard an entire conversation about my husband cheating on me, his coworkers advising...

to do so. He laughed so egotisticllly. Moments later I hear him mutter a quick "hello?" into the phone. I hang up and later tell him to fix his cellphone problem. He responds with "well...sorry you heard. I hope it was clear enough for you. Its sad that you stayed on for a half an hour though" I was crushed... My usband of 3 years who I hoped had loved me had done the worst possible without cheating. His coworkers know me and they are all married but cheat on their wives. Afterwards he denied it and called me crazy and that I didn't hear anything.... But why can't I leave him. I hate him, all trust is one...but why can't I love myself enough to leve him and give him what he needs... but when I do try and leave he never leaves me alone...hes constantly apologizing but actions spwak louder than words and his actions say that I should leave....but what is wrong with me am I defective in a way where I just can't do whats right...I am so depressed and so alone and so betrayed...but y cant i

This whole thing started when he told me he shouldn't have to pay bills on my time that he will pay them on his time. Moments later he brought up hat he makes more than me so as long as hes paying the bills I need to be quiet. I never let him talk down on me wthout a retalliation so I retalliated with calling him a bum. Weeks ago I told him I was having feelings for somene else. He seems to care and changed immediately about a week after his change his orignal attitude returned and far worse.

Answer 1

I can really relate to you because I was in the same situation.The First thing you "MUST" do is "LOVE YOU"! When you love yourself then you will realize that you are worth so much more than that, but until you love you no one else can. A man can only do what we allow him to do and he doesn't love you if he did he would not hurt you. Love doesn't consist of lies and abuse and if he loved you he would protect your heart. Always no that no matter what has happened in your past or whatever you are going through you deserve to be treated like a queen you are a Queen so hold your head and be the diva I know you can be. All of us have that quality and no one is perfect. Love you and stop worrying about what you "think" you are going to be missing.There are so many people who lack love and
but we have to know love ourselves unconditionally for all our flause, when life is good and bad. Trust me, hold your head up even when you feel like you can't smile everyday gets better. The reason I am not commenting on "him" is because you already know what you need to do about him but you won't be able to until you get enough confidence in yourself. When you get down look in the mirror and no matter what he has said no that you are beautiful and put a smile on your face.

Answer 2

There's nothing wrong with taking a year to recoup from the 12-13 years of school that you just completed. People need a break, I totally get that. It sounds like you have a good thing going for you at home, kind of at least. But if you want to convince your parents, tell them that you barely passed senior year and you're worried that you don't feel ready to dive right into another 4 years of really hard work when you don't have much of a direction. If you're going to stay home, you need a plan. Go ahead and try to find a job now so that when the fall comes you'll be busy and you won't be sitting around smoking pot. I feel like after you stayed home for a few months you'd start getting bored... none of your friends are going to be there anymore... and you might regret not going to school. And there's also the fact that people who take time off before college don't ever get around to going... Maybe you should meet with a career counselor at your new school before the semester starts. Take a road trip there sometime in the next week or two, and have someone show you around, meet with the advisor about classes and sometimes you can even take career tests that help you decide which classes to take in order to figure out your major. Also, hardly anyone knows what they want to major in when they first get to college, and if they do, it will change, like twice, over the course of the four years... At least go for one semester and see how you do. It's only like 3 months of school... you get breaks, you can come home on the weekends to see this girl... it will be good for you. Then, if you hate it, your parents will see that you gave it the good old college try (now I see where that phrase comes from!) and you can go to plan B. Good luck!

Answer 3

Honey, he has MADE you. He has brain washed you into thinking you aren't WORTHY of anything other than his Bullsh*t. I lived that for 14 years. I was afraid, not of staying but of what he would do if I left.
He has tried to bring you down so far, all the while boosting himself up. His self maniacal, egotistic ways will never stop. Never. You are his favorite toy to mess with, he can beat you, belittle you, degrade you, play massive head games with you and he gets a reaction out of you, better than any toy. The worst part is, he'll do it to your children too. Because he feels real power in what he's doing.
It's hard to leave, I know. It took me 14 years. When my daughter was crying and had ZERO self esteem, it finally hit me. I couldn't let that happen to HER.
Your husband doesn't see you as a real person. He has no understanding of empathy.
Please, seek help NOW. Family, friends, legal aid, anything you can. But get out of there. It will be tough, but you will build your strength back up as soon as you're away from him. You are stronger than you think. He WANTS you to think you're NOT, that's why he does the things he does. He is not ever, ever going to change. Don't even LET him apologize. He's so far beyond an apology. The only thing that will heal you is to get away from him.

Please, contact me through here if you'd like someone to talk to. Support is what you need. I've lived this life and and I escaped it 3 years ago. It was THE hardest thing I've ever done. But it was SO worth it. I am happy and HEALTHY! YOU CAN BE TOO!!!

Answer 4

Well, he called you bluff.
This is a definite unhealthy relationship. Your daughter is not going to learn anything good from it.
He knows that he has you in the palm of his hands and as long as he does know so, you don't stand a chance.

You need to start afresh.
Get some self esteem and build your self confidence, or at some point, you'll end up doing something really stupid.

When you think of leaving him, don't think about any of you, yourself and him, focus on your daughter.
This can't be good for her and is setting the wrong example for her.
She doesn't want to grow up thinking that you were a doormat and that's what there is to expect from life.

I know it's hard to leave someone you love. Been there.
But, if he truly loved you, he wouldn't be putting you through all that, wouldn't throw your past in your face, woudn't treat you like sh*t which is exactly what is happening.

Wake up, and do what you would advise you OWN DAUGHTER TO DO if she were in your shoes.
But, if you can't do it for her, don't expect to be able to give her advice later on when the same goes on in her life.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You can leave him and you need to leave him soon! Pack up your daughter and your stuff, just the things that you really need right away. Clothes, a few toys etc. and anything of importance to you such as pictures, jewlery, and important documents that you need, birth certificates, social security cards, medical insurance cards, etc.
Get out of there while he is at work, and tell no one at all that you are planning on leaving or where you are going to. If you do not have family close by you that you can go stay with, find a local woman's shelter. It will be hard to do, but do it for your daughter if nothing else. As soon as you leave do not go back for anything you might have left in that house. Get a restraining order, or a personal protection order for yourself and your daughter against him. If he is doing this stuff to you, you need to protect him from doing it to your daughter. You need to protect her from watching her mother get treated that way, so that she will not grow up and find a man that treats her the same way. You deserve so much better than him. Protect yourself and your daughter now before it is too late. I will pray that you have the strenght and courage to leave this man right away, to stand up for and protect yourself and your daughter, and also for your safety.

Answer 6

The decision is clear that it is time for you to leave and find a man who is more worthy of your attention.

Make sure that you keep your mind and body healthy and perhaps inform your close family and friends what you need to do.

Play it calm, arrange for a storage unit or somewhere to put your things before you plan to get your own apartment, you may even get the apartment before even moving out so it's all set up to go when you make the choice to leave.

It's such a difficult thing to do, and I really hope the best for you.

Answer 7

I wish i could crawl thru the computer and shake you (then I would hug you---you need one---) You're story is kind of mine. I reached a point (after17 years) that I didn't want to take it. I hope it doesn't take you that long. I just couldn't leave until I felt like I had NO love left. I wish I could of left sooner. I think, for me, the fear of the unknown was greater then the pain I was living in and I wasn't ready to change until the pain became greater then the fear of leaving. It will be uncomfortable for awhile (look at it this way, it is uncomfortable now anyway.) Take the necessary steps, get out, seek counseling, and heal yourself. good luck.

Answer 8

I think you are scared, you have a daughter to worry about. I would be scared too. BUT I do have to say that if I overheard that conversation I would be pissed. I understand why you havent left but you really should. It isnt a healthy environment for you or your daughter. Do you have any family or friends you could stay with until you get a place of your own? I hope everything works out for you....good luck

Answer 9

My wifes first husband was like this he abused her all the time, told her she was worthless and couldn't live without him. When she got the courage to leave him he was devestated and always trying to get her back.

After the divorce he even had her name tatooed oh himself.

It's a control issue and it won't stop, you are better off without him.

Move on and find someone who will respect you.

You are afraid of the unknown if you leave him but it has to be better than what you have now.

Having nothing is better than what you have now.

Answer 10

You know all this and choose to stay there....no offense, but you are an idiot. Learn to stand on your own two feet and get out of there or just quit b itching about it. You have a voice, a will, a way now get out and use it or shut up because we are not throwing a pity party here. I know that this sounds harsh but it is time for you to grow up, no matter how old you are.