i have a problem i recently gotten married in june and now i want out. reason being my wife has two girls and i have 3 girls from a preievous marriage. well first of all she never have her oldest one do nothing far as cleaning dishes after we eat it is either her doing them or me. And plus she had a child past away in 1999 and everytime his birthday comes around she just be moaning around the house i know it is a great lose to her but i why should i have to go threw this. her little daughter is so hard headed and both of them are so sneaky, they lie and just do things i am not use to and there is nothing said on her part. then as soon as i get quite she think some thing is wrong with me i dont like kids lieing to me or doing thing behind my back and being lazy i cant take it either i dont know what to do
2007-09-14 02:23:34 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all you have only been married for three months ..it takes time for the kids to get used to you. You have to stand your ground but remember they were there first. but to be honest, based on the other questions you have asked, It seems you are just looking for someone to take your side. Someone to say aww you poor thing ...get out while you can...or something like that. Well sorry, I think if you entered the marriage you should stick it out. Make a set of rules and have a family meeting. Tell them there are too many people in the house for everyone just to do anything they want. Set rules for yourself to so that they know you are not just unloading on them. As for the death of a child. It is normal for her to morn on the anniversary date of the death or his birthday, or Christmas. Be there for her. Make sure she talks about it even if she says she's fine. Make sure she doesn't blame herself for the death. You are her husband ... you do have to go through it with her. Unless you just don't care as long as you are not unconvinced...in which case SHE is the one that should leave.
2007-09-14 05:57:09 · answer #1 · answered by smurfette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have considered all of this before you got married. You are being completely selfish. Have you ever had a child pass away? If not, you cannot relate to your wife. You should support your wife thru those times. you and wife should sit down and set some limits with kids. Everybody should have weekly chores to help around the house. If you and wife work together in this, it can work. Kids need responsibility and structure. If your wife is not willing to meet you half way,especially with the kids, then maybe try counseling. you have only been married 3 months. Marriage is hard work and it is a commitment. Your trying to take the easy way out and not have to deal with any problems. Good luck.
2007-09-14 02:34:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight... You've been married for three months and you want out because your wife's children have some issues? And your wife becomes emotional during the anniversary of her son's death?
I'm sorry, but these are relatively minor issues in the scheme of what could be a whole lot worse! Were you expecting it to be like The Brady Bunch? It's unrealistic to expect two different families to blend together without some hiccups here and there.
I'd suggest family counseling for everyone, and one-on-one grief counseling for your wife, but only if you're commited to making the relationship work... otherwise, please, think of your children! It's more upsetting for them having their entire worlds turned upside down by a new marriage, and then a divorce should it happen.
Talk about having stability issues! Just think; would you want YOUR little girls going through the crap you are, and having the same problems in their future relationships? Believe me, they're on that road, pal. Get out of the marriage now if you plan on it; don't let yours (or her) children continue to suffer in this.
2007-09-14 02:39:13 · answer #3 · answered by Sangria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should you have to go through being supportive and understand about your wifes grief over her childs death? Do you know how selfish that sounds? You should want to comfort her and hold her at this time.
As far as bringing two families together; it takes much adjustment & patience. Children lie and sneak for reasons, reasons you and your wife must seek to find and help these children grow into the adults you wish them to be.
As you and your wife cannot seem to agree on raising the children, please get outside assistance with this. This way, a counselor can state the facts without pre-judgement and show you what course of action you both can take to help the children adjust.
Quit thinking how it affects you personally, but how it affects your new family as a whole - Your marriage will only work if you wish it to do so.
2007-09-14 02:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can totally relate to your story - and I know how you feel. I am sure it sounds selfish to some, but I can sense your frustration and you have to vent sometimes! Blending a family is the single most difficult thing in the world to do! You can't give up, though. You need to think about what you want to say.... maybe even write it down, and talk to your wife about your feelings. There must be someway to agree on simple chores for the kids to do. However, I cannot begin to imagine how she copes daily after losing a child, so you need to be supportive on the one day a year she mourns that loss. Just think before you speak - I snuck out in the middle of the night on my 2nd husband because of kid issues! It'll make you crazy!
2007-09-14 02:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You never knew any of this before you got married. Ha-Ha!!!
For what you are writing, it sounds as if you are very selfish. Have you ever lost a child? You are supposed to be supportive not critical. You whining, complaining and nagging. Stop! You and your whole family should get some counseling before you drag all of these children through another divorce.
You owe it to yourself and all of the children to give this your best.
2007-09-14 02:40:00 · answer #6 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take a step parenting class with your wife and go to grief counciling for her over her child who passed away and stop being so selfish.You knew she'd lost a child when you married her you cant expect her to not mourn every year and if you do well then you should just leave period.
2007-09-14 02:31:35 · answer #7 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are making a BIG FREAKING DRAMA OUT OF NOTHING, if you wife don't ask the older girl to do the dishes then ask her yourself, if you wife gets sad about her lost, BE A LITTLE MORE HUMAN and relise the she lost a baby, not a toy so there for she is entitle to be sad like any mother will be. think more about her and stop freaking complaining.
2007-09-14 07:25:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like perhaps you shouldn't have gotten married. Maybe the best thing is to go ahead and divorce. It seems like you're going to end up hurting people and it just doesn't appear to be a good relationship. But, maybe you're just upset and focusing on the bad things in the relationship. There's a lot of baggage. You're the only one who knows exactly how you feel about your wife. Good luck.
2007-09-14 02:32:07 · answer #9 · answered by RSJ 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
how much do you really love her??? marriage takes WORK from both partners, not just drifting along day to day. problems come up and you have to work them out, not just jump out of the marriage.
sheesh
2007-09-14 02:54:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋