My husband says my feelings are stupid?

Question

My husband told me i need therapy and that he does not want to listen to my feelings anymore that he thinks they are stupid because he does not understand them. I just had a baby three weeks ago by the way and I feel really fat and ugly right now and he told me to go for a walk then. Am i crazy or is this the most unsupportive thing ever

This is to Buck I am not eating chips I do not eat unhealthy foods I am sitting at my computer because this is the only free time I have between feedings and changings. I am exhausted and you are not supposed to excercise until post partum checkup but I guess if you weren't a total moron you would have read the fact I just had a baby.

Answer 1

No its just a male thing unfortunetely they are so busy trying to re-evaluate how the new baby has effected them that they totally forget someone else brought the baby into the world and maybe gained weight and suffers baby blues and depression which could lead to post natal depression if not kept an eye on.

Answer 2

First thing first~you should go see someone, I am not taking up for your hubbys insensitivity, however, you want to make sure you are not falling into the post partum depression that is very common after childbirth. Your feelings are very real, and do not allow your husband to minimalize the feelings that you are having. Remember the old addage "9 months to put the weight on, 9 months to take it off"~if you have gained weight as a result of your being pregnant, be thankful because that means that you provided nutrition, warmth and nourishment for your baby. Having weight gain during pregnancy is a GOOD THING!!!! Having said that, if you are seriously feeling that you are "fat and ugly" GO TREAT YOURSELF~~hey your hubby suggested it right~ go treat yourself to a spa day (leave your little darling with your mom or sister, or trusted friend), go get a make-over, buy a new outfit that looks FABULOUS on you, get a manicure/pedicure and a new hairstyle. PAMPER YOURSELF~~~no one will if you don't!!! Then when your hubby complains about the bill~tell him it was his suggestion to get therapy~and you did aroma therapy at the spa, a good massage while having your nails done and hair therapy for the new dew!!!!

Point is, you are in control of you~you control how you feel, don't rely on someone else to make you feel great about you. Sign up for a pass at the gym, make a schedule that includes work out time for you, pamper yourself EVERYDAY!! You need to feel good about you, or your new baby will feel the anxiety too, and I know that you don't want that!! Don't depend on "dad" to support your emotions or make you feel the way you think you should. Take responsibility and make yourself feel good!!!! He is adjusting, to a new baby, a different wife who is now a mom, and most men don't know how to deal with hormonal changes and the changes that your body has been through in the last 9 months.

Remember this while doing all this, he loves you, and maybe it is only you that thinks this about you, maybe he sees you as the mother of his child, and his beautiful wife, only YOU are seeing something different!!!

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 3

Damn you got an mean one! I can relate because my husband put me through the same drama. My first question to you would be has he always been this mean? If so, I would say that is a very sad situation that you married someone with no concern for your feelings. Even if he hasnt always been like that, you may want to ask him why he's acting that way towards you. Its a difficult situation. I think your husband needs therapy, perhaps some counseling. By the way you arent fat and ugly. You're a woman, who gave birth to a child. Something a man can never do or understand. There is a lot of complexity to such a fragile thing. Just remember, you are a rarity you should be treated as such and given the allowance of whatever you feel. I pray your husband changes his frame of mind, good luck and God Bless

Answer 4

Maybe you do need therapy, but your husband should be understanding and try to help you work through your feelings. Men just don't understand the feelings women have, especially after child birth. Things will get better. Keep your head up. Maybe it would be good if you could see a counselor so that you can release some of your inner feelings that you feel uncomfortable talking with your husband about?? I think that your husband is definately not supporting you. I would let him know that you don't appreciate his inconsiderate nature and let him know that you really need his support.

Answer 5

Your are hormonal. This is very common. Men do not understand all of the feelings we have on a normal day, let alone after we just had a baby. NO, you are correct, you should not exercise yet but you can walk. Take the baby and get outside.

May I suggest a book called Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus.

We are all different. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Your husband is being completely insensitive. Men can't understand the trauma that your body has just gone through. And that you actually have to heal from having a child. Even the 6 weeks didn't seem enough for me. And its been six months and I still don't feel great about myself. Part of that, I think, is natures way...if you start feeling sexy, you start feeling sexual, you start feeling sexual you start having more sex and chance getting PG again.
But it IS ok to go for short walks. I had a 4th degree tear, major surgery to sew me back up and I still got out and did a little walking...it did make me feel a little better...but I didn't do it everyday or anything, only when I felt I strong.

Answer 7

I understand what you are saying that you feel this way but this is natural after having a baby. I am telling you that pregnancy is physically and mentally draining. I think that you should stop thinking about his support and do your own thing. Go to a gym and work off that baby fat.
He is probably angry because he can't see it I might have gotten the very same answer.

Answer 8

men just get upset cause they dont know what to
do. your husband isnt much different from any
other man. the ones that do "listen" are probably
thinking football stats and its all going in one ear
and out the other. You got the baby blues...
and you just went through a birth, congrats!, which
wears a woman out. Youll feel better soon.dont
worry what your tummy looks like, ALL women
have this issue. Enjoy your baby and take time to
get adjusted to your new addition, you and husband both.

Answer 9

Right after having a baby can be one of the worst times in a woman's life.
I do agree that therapy can help you out right now because your husband just doesn't get it.
But remember that he is new to this to and might be feeling over whelmed by it all.

Answer 10

Perhaps he doesn't see you as "really fat and ugly" and instead sees you as the beautiful female vessel that carried and birthed his child. I think that men get frustrated when we put ourselves down- especially when it's irrational. Your feelings are far from stupid, however, so perhaps he should work on a better method of communicating with you... sheesh... I'm 29 weeks along, and my husband (though we're going through some rough times) always lets me know when I complain about being fat or unattractive that it's crap- that I'm not fat or unattractive- I'm PREGNANT. :) And he finds that rather amazing...