I found out that my husband never loved me and he just married me out of convenience. This was a 13 year relationship and I'm very hurt. We are now divorced. I feel like he has taken my important years away from me. I'm 36 and married when I was 26. I wanted to have children but my now ex husband couldn't. He still continued to stay even though he didn't love me. Why would someone do this to another person? I married for the right reasons. Don't you think this is an act of selfishness on his part. I could never do that to someone as I think its wrong in God's eyes. We all have our judgement day right? I know the world has changed but we shouldn't deceive another person. I'm sorry but I'm hurt and I'm angry.
2007-09-13 22:37:25 · 20 answers · asked by cathy h 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you have the right to be angry and for whatever the reason that this had happened, you need to make the best out of it. Looking back, you have lost 10 years. But looking forward, you can lose another 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, or more. It is your choice from now onwards.
Be hurt, be angry ... but after a period of time, you need to start your life anew and look forward. There are new relationships to be made and over time, the hurts will diminish because they have been covered by new experiences, new hopes, new dreams and new love.
2007-09-13 22:52:16 · answer #1 · answered by ideaquest 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In todays world love is the basis of a marriage. Go back a couple hundred years ago and you will find the majority of marriages were between semi-strangers for financial gain or convenience.
Some people won't admit to knowing what love is. Others would tell you that they never loved to inflict pain or to gain a divorce. Usually it is a half truth. I used to feel used and betrayed when my first marriage came to an end and my husband told me "I really cared about you but I've always loved....(her)" I didn't know at the time he was still sleeping with her and when I found out and wanted the divorce he turned it around and said he loved me and he just wanted to hurt my feelings before.
Right after the divorce, when I was alone trying to support my two children, I had developed such an angry feeling toward him that borderlined on rage. How could he take my love and my youth and do that? How could I be so stupid to throw away all those years?
Therapy helped a little. What helped me the most is finding a friend who was patient, kind and full of down to earth wisdom. I was able to confide in her and she helped me to see the upside of all my grief.
The pain will fade and then you are left with only the memories. You can choose to relive the good ones or the bad ones or you can dismiss them both and concentrate on what you are going to do for yourself today. He only has the power to continue to hurt you if you let him. I eventually chose me and my future over reliving the past and the pain. I'm a much happier person.
10 years after the divorce, I found out he did actually end up with his "true love". God gave me justice in a way. She has really taken him for a ride and now he knows what it was like for me. He sent me a message once.... "Sorry" that's all the card said.
2007-09-14 05:57:57 · answer #2 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we can really never know if we are marrying the right person, we can't control others, we all have a different belief system. u could never do the things he has done and that's why your having a rough time with it. u do feel cheated and let down, therapy will help u sort it out. we can't really count on others not really, we marry for the right reasons, love someone and when it ends we are devastated, because we somehow put that person up on a pedestal and thought too much of them and when they hurt us were completely destroyed by it. he is selfish but theres not much u can do about it, but one day karma will come to him and what he did to u he will get right back.
2007-09-14 07:06:41 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there, done that, have the T-shirt and the scars. All I can tell you is that TIME will heal the hurt. Sounds trite I know but it IS true.
Don't try to understand his behaviour. It's HIS behaviour and he has to own it, not you.
And to be frank, if you could understand his sick way of thinking, you'd have reason to be concerned about your own emotional health!!!!
Just get on with rebuilding your life. Remember, YOU went into the marriage for the right reasons. You are NOT guilty of anything other than loving and trusting someone who wasn't mature enough or man enough to do the right thing!
Wish you luck with the future...and at 36 you still have a long and i hope fulfilling happy life ahead of you!
2007-09-14 06:00:19 · answer #4 · answered by cautious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your divorced so it doesnt matter really does it ? I mean yes your angry and yes your hurt , but did you ever think that maybe just maybe he said these thing's to you after the divorce to make you hurt ? he wanted you to bite , he wanted you to suffer and your letting it bug you and he's sitting where ever he is laughing because he knows your sitting here steaming over it.
Move on find some friends , get a hobby , travel and wait for real love to find you and it will if you dont look for it , it'll pop up at you in the most siliest place you wait and see , dont give this jerk another minute of your emotions he's NOT worth it.
2007-09-14 05:54:13 · answer #5 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend, you have had something bad happen. Life is so unfair. Why people are this way, is beyond me too. What goes 'round comes 'round, tho'. Don't try to figure out what happened, it will drive you crazy.
You may wish to get some therapy to help you to cope and help you get on with your life. Also, they will help you have the skills to make better choices for your future.
Yeah you were robbed of some time, alright. The question is now, what are you going to do with the same amount of time in your future? Friend, the more you think about your hurts, the more you will hurt. Nothing can be the same, but your future is there for you to do. Don't forget about any 'dreams' you had planned for 'one day', make them happen now that you are on your own.
Be proud that you are who you are, stand up straight and walk ahead. You were in the right. Good luck and much success!
2007-09-14 05:56:32 · answer #6 · answered by caves51 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I know how you are feeling.
I felt the same when I divorced my ex-husband. When looking back at our life together and all the things he allowed to happen to me, he must have never loved me. And it hurt, it hurt so badly. I felt cheated of my young years, when I could have met someone genuine who could have loved me as much as I loved him, because, I certainly loved him dearly and would have given my life for him.
Also, because I also still loved him, I needed to get my distance from him, so I think that's why I hated him even more.
Well, It's been hard, but eventually I came to terms with it, and think that maybe he did love me in his way, just didn't know it himself, or took me for granted.
Still, I have my children and am happy to have them despite the hard time.
I think you'll get over it. It takes time, but you will and maybe at some point you and your husband will be able to talk again and put things right.
Good luck.
It's not to late to have children.
I hope I still will. xxxx
2007-09-14 05:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HUG
Same thing describes my last marriage. He was trying to just get a green card but didn't share that with me. I am raising two kids of his with zero financial support from him now. It sucks. However I am glad to be seperated and hope to file for divorce soon. I cannot understand how someone could live a lie for any length of time. I mean why accept the marriage vows if you know you don't honor it.
You have my sympathy but I know there is nothing anyone can say to make the situation any better right now...
2007-09-14 05:53:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
hello. my name is omama, i am really 13 years old. this is a story similar to yours.
when my grand uncle from my mom's side, was in his twenties, he had a crush on this girl. they both loved each other. but my granduncle's dad wont let him marry her because he made a promise to his cousin's daughter that he'll have his son married to her soon. his dad's cousin's daughter was a spoiled brat. but my uncle had no choice. he married his spoiled bratty relative. he had 7 children from her. he was married to her for 28 years. but he never loved her. the girl he used to like was still alive and single. she loved him so much that she was like that.
this year, his wife died. two months after her death, he got married to the woman he liked. his daughters were shocked to see this.
it is weird really. men are like that. if he dont love you, then they wouldn't even bother about feelings. i think he only married you for the reasons he just felt sorry for you.
you should not let your divorce stop you. u are still considered a middle aged woman and not an old woman. look for other guys. but this time, dont choose a selfish guy like your ex. you r husband shall be given his sentence on judgment day, if in front of gods eye, he was wrong. please don't be sad anymore. ok?
2007-09-14 06:09:16 · answer #9 · answered by Forgotten, I guess... 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well BOO HOO!....get over yourself, seriously woman...look at how much horror and destruction, poverty and misery surrounds you in this world, and just because you had a bad relationship...now your all hurt and angry....BOO HOO! you live in the greatest country in the world full of opportunities, you still have so much of your life ahead of you, if you really want a relationship, go find someone else, staying angry and bitter, only delays your future happiness....but just remember one thing, don't get brainwashed by Hollywood, the hard cold fact of this life is that there are rarely any happy endings....go ask people in Bangladesh, Zimbabwe or Somalia...and then you will come to the conclusion that right now, you have no problems. except for the ones you torture yourself with through your thinking. By the way, your still young enough to have a baby, so quit crying, and move on!
sorry to be so harsh...just telling it like it is, good luck and God bless!!!
2007-09-14 06:06:00 · answer #10 · answered by rihannsu 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋