faithful husband breaks my trust yet again?

Question

i have absolutely full trust in my husband. then one day, he had to be hospitalised for appendicts. in these few days when i'm alone, i went through my handphone (he used mine for a while) and saw some unknown numbers (5 to be exact, with no names). out of curiousity, i called them. i was shocked to hear that my husband has made an imesh account behind my back and used it to get to know other girls! they even said that he claimed to be single (he's only 21) and he's frustrated with his annoying ex (which happens to be me! a.k.a. his wife)and that he wants to move on with his life. he even ask them out for dinner (his job sometimes requires him to saty til late, that's why i never thought differently of him) but they never meet up because of his recent illness.
i dont know what to think of him now, whether to broach up the subject or not. he's done this before and it took me a long while to gain back the trust that i have for him. could i be at fault?

i'm pregnant by the way. and when i say it could be my faultu is coz i've been putting him under alot of pressure with my uncontrollable tantrums and mood swings. i do say things i dont mean too and sometimes i accuse him of being unfaithful because he does the same. i hate it esp when i know that there's no one he knows that could be as faithful as i am, that's why.
i hope to find the next step to this problem in your answer, do help me out.

Answer 1

If you bring it up you may get some answers you need to move on, but be prepared it will hurt. I don't understand why you want to trust him again, he's just going to do it again eventually or you'll always be suspicious about his whereabouts or who he's talking to on the phone. Think about what YOU need and what gives YOU peace of mind and the best productive future for YOU.

Answer 2

Well that's a doozy. There will be nothing but pain for you if you don't take a break from this and think long and hard what to do next. Confronting him will open up an episode that your unborn baby shouldn't have to endure the stress of. Are you strong enough to let the same excuses (maybe even lies) be the salt that pours into your old wounds? He's very young and hasn't had much practice being a man, let alone a husband. Get away and get therapy. If he wants to join you when he's well, that's the first step to getting you back. Set your standard much, much higher. Not only should he be faithful, he should be romantic, attentive, responsible AND give you the good lovin'. As he is, he shouldn't be the man who teaches your son to be a man. If you have a girl, he shouldn't be the one to teach her how a man is supposed to treat her. This is not the situation to bring a child into. Take a break.

Answer 3

just like you, my trust for the guy i dearly loved was betrayed. i just kept my cool and didn't bring the matter to his attention at once. but once cool and clear-headed i asked him but he denied everything, even if all evidences point to his guilt. i just smiled and asked "why do u have to lie?" i didn't get any answer.

since then, every word of assurance from him sounded hollow to me. i just consoled myself t the thought that "the lesser i know, the lesser i'm hurt."

but try to look at it in a different angle. your husband may have been vexed by your tantrums and he is just using those girls as breather. u know what they say, everybody needs a little time off from hell. [that's a figurative statement]. so, go easy on the tantrums. find ways to relax your mind.

however, don't think it is purely your fault. having other girls on the side is not the only way [and actually not the way] to iron out marital problems. he should have gone the positive way.

you and your husband are still very young, and problems like this is very typical at this stage. just be strong and be positive. for the sake of you, our unborn child and you marriage, face this problem with utmost sobriety.

process your anger.
communicate your thoughts and feelings.
learn not be the sole-talker. listen too.

in the meantime, your husbands needs you. look after him like you're not hurting. it's also not the right time for confrontations.

we'll just pray that he'll soon come to realize he already have what he could ever wish for --- a family.

Answer 4

Well you explained it right there.
You gave him a hard time, not for a little bit, not from time to time, but continuously over and over. I understand you are pregnant with mood swings and the guy should understand that, but thats in a perfect world. In this world, everyone has emotions. Men and women. the men depending on how tolerant they are, can deal with and understand that your going through some hormonal imbalance. But it doesn't mean the woman should take advantage of it. (subconciously or knowingly) the men have a threshold also. Sounds like you kept pushing and pushing and he got tired of it.
If a man keeps getting bombarded with accusations and assumptions, it does get old. But the women doesn't understand that. all women and men are different. So you can't say "well Jane is pregnant and her husband is doing fine." You can't compare.
I think he wasn't getting any loving from your side, and also got tired of arguing so he went to get attention somewhere else. not necessarily sex, but just the attention.
when he gets out of the hospital bed, have a talk with him. heart to heart, not sword on sword. You might get some understanding on his feelings and what he's going through.

Congratulations on the pregnancy.

=oP

Answer 5

No, its not your fault that he's looking elsewhere AGAIN. That you trusted him to do the right thing is a wonder in itself, but the fact he isn't trustworthy is not.
Your pregnancy (and its hormone driven mood swings) is not responsible for the phone calls, or the account with imesh. They were HIS choices, HIS decisions, and to do this while you carry HIS baby is so sad.
Wait perhaps until he's out of hospital, and then confront him. He must face up to what he's done, and find out what he uses to justify his behavior. And he must be able to justify it to himself to do it again. Don't put up with it, don't ignore it, and don't let it go. Things will only get worse, especially if the only thing that stopped him acting on it was an appendicitis.

Answer 6

OK. I'm all for giving people second chances. People make mistakes, but as long as they learn from them, thats OK.
My partner cheated on and left his first wife for another woman, had children with her, they she cheated on and left him. What goes around comes around. He learned the hard way and made one huge mistake. And I trust him completely. Some people say he has the 'infidelity' gene, but that b*llocks in my opinion.
My point is.....if your husband had been going on these 'single lines' once and you caught him and confronted him, then I would say give him another chance. If you caught him at it twice, and saying all those awful things about you, you may have problems honey.
Your pregnant for a start. You need to be terribly shallow here and htink of your unborn baby....could you financiallu support a baby without this man? Ifg the answer if yes....then I would leave him.
Firstly, confront him. He needs to know that you know. Ask him if he is having difficulty accepting the fact your pregnant. If he i only young he may be.
Thats why I always go for older men!!
Good luck honey, email me if you need any advice!

Answer 7

Why do you insist on labelling him "faithful"?
He clearly isn't.
He is sneaky and unreliable. Let him know that you are onto him and hope his appendix hurts like hell.
Yes, you are at fault.
At fault for letting him off lightly the first time.
He has little regard for you if he mentions you in the way he has to the floosies he's trying to line up.
It might be a hard choice but will spare you long term heart ache.
Respect yourself so the slimeball you married may as well.
I wish you well.

Answer 8

1st of all if he cheated with someone it is NEVER the fault of the spouse so dont put that on yourself or other's will continue to do so to explain why they did it.

2ndly you must have had your suspiscions in the 1st place to even think of searching your own phone for what ever you found so you already knew something was up.

being pregnant or having a child with somebody who may have cheated emotionally or physically is never an excuse.Wait for the drugs from the operation to wear off and then confront him and get your answers .

I'm not going to tell you to go or stay thats your choice, you already decided before that he was worth keeping when he did this so realistically it doesnt matter .

Answer 9

There is just no excuse whatsover for someone to cheat. If you are so bad then he should have left you THEN persude other girls. It does not matter how moody you are, cheating is the absolute wrong thing to do. You need to get yourself some support and leave him, i think you already know you could never possibly trust him again. Don't make excuses for him.... there isn't one single excuse in the world that he should be allowed to use or you let him use.... it's just wrong!

Answer 10

ugh..he sounds like how my husband used to be. Truth is, you dont know if he would have met up with them. Sometimes men want something for themselves to see if they still got it. They are insecure little shits. They always seem to want to start screwing up when your pregnant too. Why would you think your at fault? He has betrayed your trust, and done things a married man shouldnt. You need to tell him what you found out and ask him if he is truly ready to man up and be a father and husband...and if he isnt, you and your baby are gone. You dont deserve being treated that way, especially while your pregnant. You need to figure out what is really the problem with you guys. Were you pregnant when he screwed up last time? Definitely talk to him....with a "im not taking any ****" attitude.