Is it so wrong? I have been divorced since March and was separated for two years before the divorce?

Question

I've been on a lot of dates and had my fun but honestly I am feeling no urgency to be in a relationship again. I often wonder if I ever will, I guess Im worried of being in the mindset I am right now for the rest of my life. I'm scared to be one of those single scorned burned women who's a manhater. I just feel like I have so much to do, raise my children, excel at work that there's no time for anyone...is that being selfish? My ex has already moved on and embarking upon a new relationship, he asked me tonight if I was seeing anyone and just the thought of it, I'm like no thank you. Help! Is there anyone else out there that feels the same way I do?

Answer 1

There are a lot of people like you....everyone has their own time to do things and with something as serious as this it is probably a good thing that you have the attitude that you do. When the right person comes along you will know and the fact that you have waited for him will make it that much more special.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Ok, so I'm a guy, but maybe I can still help...

I've been divorced for more than ten years now, and have also dated since the divorce. Sure, dating is "fun", but being in a relationship has not been one of my top priorities. Wanting to take care of your kids, your career, yourself -- there is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing selfish about it. If YOU are not happy, how can you help others be happy? Or, as the saying goes: "If Momma ain't happy, ain't no-body happy!"

Take care of Number One for a while: yourself (but please don't neglect your kids). If you are happy with where you are in life, that's what really matters -- if something needs to be changed and if you can change it, then change it. Otherwise, don't worry about it. You do NOT have to be in a relationship with a man just because Society says so.

Answer 3

Your feelings are perfectly NORMAL.

Your standing on your own 2 feet and I am proud to hear that you are.

So many times the female will just withdraw, feel unworthy of another man or worse yet, that she needed to get the old hubby back.

You are the opposite, you learned from that relationship and you are growing.

I suspect that you are a pretty good mama too.

I use to always counsel girls with this, you had that baby, it came from you and you have the greatest responsibility of raising that child, he was just a donor and if he stays and is a good daddy, well that is totally a bonus for you.

When Mr right comes along, you will not be looking for him, he will just show up when you least expect it.

Continue to do what your doing, your fine!

Answer 4

There is no magic set number of days, weeks, months, or even years in which you are ready to move on to another relationship after a divorce. Everyone is different. I think men tend to find another woman faster than women do another man. A woman has to deal with the issues; a man just wants to fill the void.

You're perfectly normal and when the time is right to find a new love it will just happen. You can't set a time frame for it.

Answer 5

NO you are not wrong.... There are times that we as women must do what we have to and sometimes that just means move on. There is no hurry for you to return into a committed relationship until you are ready, now is the time for you to live out your goals, dedicate some time to your children and reach for all that you want. yes date and have fun but be careful a man can sometimes spot a good woman and try to take her fast. So keep a level head and do what you must

Answer 6

From the other side of the gender fence - I was recently badly burned in a relationship , where I gave too much and all I got in return was abuse and infidelity . I find myself now questioning the motives of all women I meet .

The individual I was involved with was an inveterate liar and a mental health professional tells me that she is in all likelihood a sociopath . I hope I don't view all women I encounter from now on with suspicion .

Answer 7

You possibly are still not over the divorce yet, and that's all right. As you say, raise your kids and fill your life with the things that are fulfilling to you. When you are ready for a relationship, you'll know. Some never form another relationship, and they are happy with their lives

Answer 8

It sounds to me that there is more "Never Again" going on than preperation. It is a good idea to give yourself tim to heal and find out what you want. There is no limit to how long you can do that. Just don't sit too long and let the past stop you. Things may have burned you in the past but that has nothing to do with the nest man nor does it have to take you out of your character.

Answer 9

That feeling will pass. I am there...getting out of it slowly right now. Eventually you will get tired of waking up alone, or choosing videos/movies alone and doing certian things a lone. Or you will see couples in the mall or in a store or park and long for that. Eventually you will start looking for someone again. Although you have been seperated for 2years your divorce is still kind of fresh. guys deal differently than we do which is why it was easier for him to move on.

Answer 10

I am not settling for less this time around and I am not in a hurry either. I am busy raising my boys and working much like you are. I am becoming the woman that God intended for me to become and waiting on God to match me up with the guy that He has planned for me to marry or remain single whatever God's will is, I will be blessed for being obedient to His will for my life. The man I would marry will undoubtingly be my (male) best friend.