My husband and I have been married for 1 yr. I told him in oct that I cheated on him almost 7 yrs ago!!! He always used to ask me, but I always denied it and finally told him. I then told him I was pregnant. Ive had my daughter now, but before she was born, he told me either we could split up or I could stay and let him do his thing. So he has been messing with this other girl for about 10mos. I have seen pictures of her naked in his phone and text messages. He tells her that when the time is right he will make that move, but he hopes she will be ready. I believe she is a young girl. But we live together in this house with our daughter and his two other kids. I have seen messages to her talking about how he felt he was in an "it relationship" but he now knows that this girl is the one he wants to be with. I belive they have traveled together and they might have a kid...or she is pregnant. He always sends her messages about your future baby daddy jokes. Should I stay and wait for him?
2007-09-13 17:34:11 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Divorce is so hard to go through, the only thing he IS a good man. He has paid for all my education. He has spoiled me for about 11 yrs. So I feel somewhat in the wrong, but I feel he has lost interest in me. His kids even call me mom. I know he would put his kids first, but I believe they are the only reason why he hasn't left yet. Maybe this is just a fling and it will be over soon, but if she is pregnant/ or already has a child.....I wouldnt know how to deal with it. I wonder if the girl is serious about him. I love him and the other day I asked him when we are going to work it out....he told me I don't have to worry about that....he told me he would give me everything. I don't know what to do
2007-09-13 17:44:54 · update #1
Well I am 30, she is probably 23. The things is he is offering me everything, but I don't want it. He has given me everything I ever wanted, after 10 years he hadn't asked me to marry him, and I kept asking him about it and eventually, he said okay. I guess he saw how upset I was when all our friends were getting married. I just want to make it work. We have been together for 11 years! I know he loves me, but I know he is hurt. everything is the same, I just know he has another girl. If he does have a kid, what should the relationship between my daughter and this other kid be? since they ARE family?????
2007-09-13 17:58:08 · update #2
Dump him, give him back his two kids and take your kid and leave. He is not a father, he is a sperm donor. Why would you settle for such chaos in your life? Do you want your daughter to have the same life as you have chosen? If you don't start making some good decisions, she will be doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Start tomorrow. You can do better and you deserve better.
2007-09-13 17:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by Julie H 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
This isn't about revenge. Actually, your husband was looking for an excuse to cheat... your one fling long before you were married somehow made it all okay.
The writing is on the wall... clear as day.
You need to go on the offensive, collect all financial statements including 401K, savings, checking, paycheck stubs, and anything else.Go get the latest DIY divorce guide from the local bookstore, read through that and download the latest forms from the state website... filing for divorce will only cost you a couple hundred dollars. You need to get 1/2 of all assets for the entire time you have been living together after one year (in most states, after one year it is considered a common-law marriage). You also need to get reestablished and start getting child support from him.
Good luck.
2007-09-13 17:44:33 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My sympathies. Don't stay because you feel obligated to. Sounds like he has lost his respect for you a sounds like he thinks he is somehow has a right to treat you just any kind of way because you had cheated back in the day. Divorce is no laughing matter. I would say that he should have left back then if he felt he could not be faithful to you and/or didn't want to pursue healing in the marriage. You are a special and important individual and deserve to be loved and respected by your spouse. Don't put up with that load of crap he is dishing out.
2007-09-13 17:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by tootsierollsunday 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait for what? An immature jerk who is using something that happened almost seven years ago as an excuse to have an affair? And you think she's pregnant with his child?
Why on earth would you consider staying an waiting for this man? Is he the father of your child also? And his other two belong to yet another woman?
You don't have a relationship, you have a roommate and he's ready to fly the coop.
2007-09-13 17:41:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he is going to hold out on you since you denied it for so long..something to hang over your head for as long as he wants now that you actually seemed to have given him the ok for his getting even. You are endangering yourself by letting him sleep around and not to mention the emotional heartache that can be put on the children. This sounds like he has a hard time with commitment and you just gave him the perfect scapegoat to act like a fool. Is the hurt and heartache worth staying around for? When you say young girl, how young are you talking? If she is too young (underage), and he is messing with her, by you staying you might be putting the children in danger as far as CPS's go, if he gets caught and an investigation were to take place.
2007-09-13 17:47:25 · answer #5 · answered by jen r 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Before you start planning the divorce procedure, you have to find a good lawyer to fight for child support. In the meantime, cut off all emotionally attachment to his children since you are going to leave them for good. You should not wait for him because he is already planning to marry this girl. He's basically going to kick you out and leave you with no financial child support unless you give up your child to him (which is exactly what he wants).
This marriage wasn't meant to be in the first place. Let the other girl take care of his other children.
2007-09-13 17:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by SweetBrunette 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well tell him that you are sorry about what happen and if he wants to get over it and move on bc the relationship that is going on right now is not good for the children and you learned from your mistake and want to move on with him as a husband and wife and that if he would like to start a fresh relationship with you and him that he needs to quite with the girl now. If not tell him and you will leave him and move on without him but this has gone on long enough and there is no way that either of you can move on while he is still messing around. YOu need to talk with him.
GOOD LUCK.
2007-09-13 17:42:20 · answer #7 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You've got to sit down with him and tell him he cant have it both ways, he has to choose between you or her, as this type of behaviour is destructive not only to yourselfs, but also to your kids.
Once he knows you mean what you say and that you wont tolerate this any more, that might be the wake up call he needs to put a stop to what he is doing.
Or he might decide its her he wants to be with, which you'll just have to accept, but while he knows he can have his cake AND eat it, nothing is going to change, and you will keep on getting hurt by him, which is no good for you and ultimately no good for your daughter.
Whatever happens, I hope things turn out ok for you. :-)
2007-09-13 17:54:08 · answer #8 · answered by -Trojan- 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, telling him accomplished 2 things
1. Cleared your conscience.
2. HURT HIM BADLY.
Damage done. He has no respect for you. Not just about the cheating, but because of the deception. Cut your losses. This relationship is terminal. You've been married a year and he has been cheating on you for 5/6 of it. The damage is done. Move on.
2007-09-13 17:42:48 · answer #9 · answered by deanfamilyzoo 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
seriously you messed up one time and even though you denied it for a long time eventually you came clean now unless you slept around like a town hoe he has no right to "do his thing" maybe if he had slept with someone 1 time it would be understandable but you know the saying 2 wrongs dont make a right and if you stay and continue to deal with this you are basically telling your daughter no matter how old she is now that its alright to allow yourself to be hurt if you hurt someone one time, if you let this go on the more time that passes you will be more worried about him and his homewrecker then your parenting and trust me even if you dont think you are neglecting certain areas you will be, i am not just giving you my opinion this happened to me...you messed up but you dont deserve to suffer like this,...good luck
2007-09-13 18:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋