I have been married for 4 years, together for 10. I am starting to get the feeling that he is not "in love" with me. I know he cares for me, he is not abusive or purposely mean. I just think that he is comfortable staying but doesn't have a passion anymore.
He doesn't go out of his way to do nice things for me. There is no romance at all. I haven't received a birthday, valentine or anniversary present/card in 5 years. I take care of all the bills, laundry, car repairs, yard work, cooking, cleaning etc. He knows I work my butt off for us but doesn't want to help me. No thank, nothing. I've caught him browsing the internet at other women's pictures and profiles on myspace. Not only other women but one' s that live in the area. I've tried to talk to him that I feel unappreciated and he just gets mad.
Anyone have any input? What ever happened to the fire in love, the romance? . I am thankful to have him but want us both to be happy. I want a husband, not just a roommate.
2007-09-13 17:29:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you to everyone for the advice, I really appreciate it.
I've tried talking to him, but he gets defensive. He'd try to do some nice things after that which lasted a couple days. Thought maybe he wasn't attracted to me so I tried spicing things up a bit. I tried to show my love with romantic dinners, surprise vacations, writing poems, sports tickets (big sports fan) and the normal romantic lovey stuff. He says thank you of course but doesn't recipricate. I blame myself mostly since I let it happen and by taking care of most things rather than pushing the issue. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and we we're great friends before we got married. I just think he is in denial just as much as I am about the kind of love we share.
Thanks again for all the kind words.
2007-09-13 17:54:06 · update #1
Well maybe he needs to perk up. Why is he so lazy? You're taking care of him. He thinks you're his mom now.
Maybe what he needs is to see a whole, new wild side of your personality.
Perhaps you should take up a kinky side. If he still doesn't respond, ask him if he minds if you start dating other people since he';s just a roommate.
2007-09-13 17:37:36 · answer #1 · answered by krollohare2 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that men don't consider sending cards to be all that important - unlike women
perhaps keep making more and more obvious hints BEFORE the event each time until he does cough up a card/present
i hope he works and brings home some bacon for the household too
the browsing the Internet thing for other women - red flag signal - perhaps rather than talk about that try saying - 'oh my what a pretty gal that is - reminds me of so and so's 15yo daughter'
also why not get other interests away from home? like an art course or a music course? or church? something that will rejuvenate YOU whatever he is up to?
2007-09-13 17:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by Aslan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriages take journeys: high, low, flat-line sometimes, but he doesn't care enough to buy a card, a present? I'm not sure what to think.
The fact that he's browsing for women raises flags. It sounds like you really want to keep your marriage going and that you love him, but he seems waaaay to comfortable, like he's so certain that you're not going anywhere.
Have you considered counseling?
2007-09-13 17:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know there is a library somewhere in your community, so go check out this awesome book! 'The Five Love Languages' by Dr. Gary Chapman. If you diligently read this and implement the advice inside, I'm sure your marriage will be smokin' once again. Best of luck!!
2007-09-13 17:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by DinoBaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is just hanging around. He may even be contemplating an affair, if he hasn't had one already. I can't believe that you have let this go on for 5 years already. Why did you even marry him if he was that inconsiderate 5 years ago. You knew what you were getting into then.
2007-09-13 17:39:41 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow you need to keep an eye on my space that's what happend to me. and maybe you and him should get away for the weekend don't take any cell phone, computer. Just you and him and see how he does and how you feel and if you still feel the same way you need to sit him down and have very serious conversaion about this. becouse you should not have to worry about this you should be happy you deserve it everybody deserves that.
2007-09-13 17:45:35 · answer #6 · answered by cloudpinksky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, to be honest if he is browsing at women in your area he's likely getting a closer look. I'm not saying he's cheating but it's close enough. he doesn't deserv you is what it sounds like. Yeah thats hard for you because you love him, but you need someone who loves you just as much and gives you thanks for the good things you do. not just acts as if its your duty. Stand up for yourself!
2007-09-13 17:36:11 · answer #7 · answered by Adri R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the situation to me is such as forcing you on him.I mean; is like you force your self on him maybe he has another choice not you.
He has probably married you because he thought you are financially okay,you can take care of him and all his needs.He has formally thought that "if i married her for financies sake i can later have all i needed and quit her up" thats why you make a good friends at start before marrage and he later changed maybe he doesn't expect whats going on.
Secondly,you may have wronged him if not finances purposes. He is the head of the family.he may be thinking you are performing his rights asin financing him instead of him financing you.so he may not be happy about that,therefore try to confuse him that it means nothing and if you still need your marrage i surgest find him a job if he has none,let him know how much you earn and the amount you have in your account,make him be aware of your spendings and make him feel like he owns your account and every others you think of.
You may try this but tell him all you wanted is his love and care but if you dont trust him,dont do this.
He may still be inlove with you but if you thing he is not, you can change all his thought to be just only confortable with you to real love.
crosskenny2002@yahoo.com
2007-09-14 02:01:52 · answer #8 · answered by cross kenny 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I know how you feel. Try a romantic dinner and bath together. If that doesn't work, I would seriously sit him down and talk about how he really is making you feel.
2007-09-13 17:37:13 · answer #9 · answered by jake6969jake6969 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look like your the boss or head of the family. And life is getting old and older what the next? Are you 19 years old or 80 yrs old?
2007-09-13 17:43:11 · answer #10 · answered by Seph2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋