Preditor
By: Mindy
I lost her to the rumors.
I lost her to his smile.
I lost her to that ogar,
That sneaky crocodile.
His over whelming hunger,
He could not dely.
Could not wait any longer,
My best friend became the prey.
She saw all the danger.
The warnings she ignored.
All her friends she's angered.
That selfish moment of reward.
But it got her nowhere.
Half a smile at the most.
I see her living in dispair,
From his one time lethal dose.
2007-09-13 17:27:46 · 11 answers · asked by Puzzled 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I like what chowmei said. So when you are done reading that version, go back and re-read it with "she" instead of "my best friend" in the begainning.
2007-09-13 17:49:10 · update #1
Lol, ok so I cant spell worth crap...please forgive my spelling errors.
2007-09-13 18:09:32 · update #2
This is cool. I wanted more name-calling. "Sneaky Crocodile" was a good start. We know what happens in the end. Tell us more about the foul beast...
TD
2007-09-14 02:11:24 · answer #1 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are these inversions: ogar, dely or spelling errors? Could it not be sound better if you removed the periods after every line!
sounds fine to me especially, the whimsical realization of the lines:
I see her living in dispair,
From his one time lethal dose
good attempt.
2007-09-14 01:10:56 · answer #2 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked the poem, but did you spell predator like that on purpose and also ogre and dely, is that delay or deny ? Also despair.....
2007-09-14 01:06:59 · answer #3 · answered by jmax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice indeed. Keep up the good work.
2007-09-14 07:38:40 · answer #4 · answered by . 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, sounds like my high school days!
2007-09-14 02:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
love it. =P
p.s. maybe change 'my best friend' to 'she' to keep in tune with the rest of the poem.
2007-09-14 00:35:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really loved this poem.It;s great; and it;s not like any other; nice job..
2007-09-14 00:40:24 · answer #7 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice job
2007-09-14 02:04:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love it, i guess it sounds better with she.
2007-09-14 06:55:45 · answer #9 · answered by Richa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yep... good job!!! keep on writing, it looks like you have a flair for it...
2007-09-14 07:28:51 · answer #10 · answered by suisse shoggi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋