advice please?

Question

I've been with my "husband-to-be" for almost 5 years now and we have a 7 month old daughter together. We've been through a lot and have talked about separating so many times, and yet we're still together. We fight almost everyday. whenever he gets a job he tends to focus on his work that he barely has anytime for his family. He comes home angry and doesn't like to be talked to.When ever we have problems he wants us to solve our own problems on on our own and not together. Same with decisions. I want everything to be OK between me and him for the sake of our daughter.I don't know what to do.. please help

Answer 1

Don't stay in a bad relationship because of your children, stay because he's the man you want and expected him to be. You deserve happiness and he does too, sometimes the happiness is not found where you left it. Your daughter will be better off growing up in 2 loving homes than in one home that is a constant battlefield.

Answer 2

I'm guessing that couple's counseling is out of the question right? Like he said, he wants to solve problems by yourselves and not as a couple. This is a red flag. If you fight everyday and can't seem to resolve the issues between you two, that is another red flag. Another red flag is that both of you have thought about separating, which is not a good sign. If your fiance puts work as his top priority and family second, then he is not ready to be married. "Qualified" spouses can separate work and family and they leave their frustrations at their job and when they come home, they don't bring their job with them and brush it off on their family, instead, they spend time with their family. Also, if you fight in front of your daughter, that is the worst thing you can do as a couple because she will feel the tension between you two causing her stress, therefore, it will prolong her development. So if you have to argue, wait till your daughter is asleep in another room and discuss your issues. If both of you can't wait and end up firing at each other, in front of your daughter, this is unhealthy and I don't see this relationship working. You can try to leave him alone when you feel that he's angry when he comes home from work and wait till he cools off before you and your daughter are in the same room as him, maybe he will come to you when he's in a better mood, but that doesn't mean he will still be there as a family. Also, the longer you continue being in a toxic relationship, you are at high risk for health problems, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Stress= health problems.
Don't stay in an unhappy relationship because of your children, your children can pick up on it and they will become unhappy, so don't underestimate them, even if they are infants. This is a good quote "It's better to be single and healthy, than to be sick in a relationship".

Answer 3

well a child is no reason to stay in a relaitonship, because for one you have to be happy to make others happy. and when you are in a relaitonship for the wrong reasons, and you are not happy it shows to your child. your child needs to be raised knowing what a working relationship is, so they can learn from that experience. you have to ask yourself if you are staying in it just for the child? or the amount of time you have put into the relationship? because even though you have submitted that much time, and have a child, is it worth putting yourself through the same old b.s. everyday if you cannot work things out together. when you are in a working relationship, you should feel secure enough to come to the other person with problems instead of dealing with them on your own, that is what committment is about. being there for eachother and respecting eachothers opinions and considering feelings on both sides. it should come out as an agreement, not a domination.

Answer 4

Why the heck are you living with a guy AND making babies with someone who doesn't respect you enough to marry you after 5 years?
This behavior you are talking about started a long time before you reproduced. You give him all the benefits of a WIFE without any of the benefits or protections. He has no motivation whatsoever to get off dead center on anything.

Issue a ultimatum, set a deadline, and be ready to leave... and file for child support. Maybe that will light a fire under his fanny!

Answer 5

I would thank the Lord I had not married him yet, even after 5 years and a baby. He sounds like a class A jerk that takes his frustrations out on the one person he should be nice to.

Answer 6

quit the drama and maybe he will come home happy from work. give the guy a break and show him you care and love him. just love each other and make a pleasant home life

Answer 7

Why did you have a child with someone you fight with everyday? When you put yourself in a bad situation, why do you then question why it's bad?

Answer 8

Ok if u haven't talked to him tell him you need to tell him something and tell him how you feel and exactly how you told me i hoped i helped.