Tonight we were driving down the street and my husband noticed a bunch of toddlers (well they looked 3 or 4 years old) playing "pee-wee" football or whatever it's called. He then shouted "Look at those tiny kids playing football!". I said "Mmmm ... hmmm" like I usually would. I didn't feel like stretching my neck to look around (because we were passing them up by that time). He blurted out "You're not gonna be a good parent". I immediately took offense to that. I asked him why and he said because I have no interest in anything. Why, because I didn't burst in excitement when you saw the kids playing football?
Another instance where he does this ALL the time is he will looking at something sports related, historic, or scientific on the computer. He'll call me and tell me to come look at this. It is usually something that I don't care about and I'll say, "That's neat looking". He'll then say "You're not interested in learning about this stuff? If I ask him a question about ...
2007-09-13 17:09:43 · 26 answers · asked by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Something that I know nothing about it seems as if he's trying to make me feel stupid. For instance, I might say "What does this mean" or "What is that made of" and he will look at me and say "What? You don't know what THAT means? Did you learn ANYTHING in school?". This is all the time. I have said something to him about it before but after he did it again tonight I got really mad. Yes, he's a know-it-all and it's like he wants to make himself feel that he knows this and that. That's great, but when you ask me something about the computer (which he's not an expert at) I don't try to make you stupid. So why do you want me to make me feel dumb?
He apologized and said he meant no harm by what he said. He always says that, but why does he do that to me then?
Would that make you mad or would you take it with a grain of salt? We don't have kids yet, so I don't like being told I won't be a good parent. I haven't had that chance.
2007-09-13 17:13:23 · update #1
He says I carry my feelings on my shoulders and NOBODY else would have gotten offended by what he said.
2007-09-13 17:15:19 · update #2
Your husband sounds like a creep. Just because you don't drop everything to look at something HE finds interesting does not make you a future bad parent, stupid or any of the other things he says to you.
He's obviously insecure himself or he wouldn't try to tear you down whenever he gets a chance.
2007-09-13 17:23:03 · answer #1 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can definetley see this bothering me if it's done all the time as you say. My boyfriend is also a 'know-it-all' so I can somewhat relate to how you're feeling. They don't do it intentionally, but by the way they answer their questions, it's almost as if they want you to feel dumb.
Don't let him make you feel inferior to him or less intelligent. It sounds so me that the both of you simply have different interest, which is the same case as mine. So I wouldn't get too concerned about these incidents. You should just show your confidence in other areas, in the things that you do know about and can talk about.
As for the comment about not being a good parent, that was totally unacceptable! I would be very upset about that. I hope you told him how you felt because something like that can really interfere in your relationship. It will always be in the back of your mind and when you guys do decide to have children, you're going to be haunted by what he said.
Good luck.
2007-09-14 00:25:50 · answer #2 · answered by ninuccia 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 19, and truth be told, I know nothing about marriage. However, I fully support you in your right to be offended with your husband's comment. Telling you you will not make a good parent- where does he get off??? Yeah, I'll admit, I do melt over most young kids and babies, but even if you don't... damn, some of the best parents I know are the sort who don't get all clucky every time they see a toodler. I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother, if that's truly what you want. Best wishes and I hope you can resolve this, because I'd hate to hear you were headed for heart ache due to your husband's out of line comments.
2007-09-14 00:43:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be offended. But let's play the opposite field (no pun intended), he want you to be totally interested in everything he is, and wants you to hear how smart he is. Men are like puppies, they need a treat for everything. Maybe the remark about children is a clue. Just maybe he wishes he was there watching your children play, maybe he was trying to drop a hint. As far as the way he speaks to you, gently tell him, AGAIN, how this makes you feel, maybe he needs a constant reminder, or make him feel stupid when he asks a question about the computer, then let him know that the way he felt is the way he makes you feel. I know it's not the best thing to do, but might just be the most effective.
2007-09-14 00:21:56 · answer #4 · answered by shes_marie77 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Product of bad potty training !
He derives some sort of pleasure, superior attitude by treating you the way he does. One poster stated “typical male”, W R O N G !! Typical males don’t say demeaning things if the spouse asks questions or doesn’t understand something.
Guaranteed He IS NOT the “poster boy” for Fatherhood !!! He will treat any future kids EXACTLY THE SAME as he acts toward YOU !!
Self-centered, demeaning isn’t stellar qualities in Real Father material !! (or husband material!)
2007-09-14 00:38:50 · answer #5 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes, my boyfriend does the same thing. I don't understand why. I'm going to nursing school and he has no college at all. Anything I say he says 'No way.' like I know nothing and he will have to look it up to try and prove me wrong. As many times as I have been right he still does it. Anything that he finds interesting and I don't- I put up with. I sit with him while he plays video games with his cousin for hours. I watch sports with him. I hang on with him on his poker night. But then when I ask him to do something I would like to do, I am the most horrible girlfriend in the entire world. Anything I have ever thought of doing like starting a business or buying a house, his reply is always a sarcastic 'Ha. Good luck with that.'
One day they will realize how much the need and depend on us. They will know how right we were and how wrong they were to mock us. And to those who said you are heading for divorce, they don't know your entire personal life. Me and my boyfriend get along 99% of the time when he isn't Mr. Know-it-all. As much as that annoys me, its not going to hurt our relationship.
2007-09-14 00:25:38 · answer #6 · answered by tobyman 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a girl friend who was married to a total jerk like this. They are now divorced. He always put her down and talked to her as if she had no brain. I confronted him about his behavior once and the answer he gave me was crazy. He said he was alot smarter than everyone else. He felt superior to everyone and did not see that he had a problem. And had no intentions of ever changing. I told him he hurt others when he talked down to them as if they were 2 year olds. His response was so. I would not or could not be with a person if they constantly ran me down. Good luck sister.
2007-09-14 00:49:40 · answer #7 · answered by Cheryl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds narcissistic . You are wise to tune him out . Don't have kids with this guy ; try to picture him ten times worse than he is now..as the years go by - because that's the road ahead with guys like him . He's already criticizing your parenting - with no basis for it . When he asks if you're interested in "this stuff"...tell him to print it and you'll look at it later . Maybe he'll get the hint , but I doubt it .
2007-09-14 00:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I too would have been upset and offended. The question is why did you marry him if this is how he treats you? This is a form of abuse: it is called mental abuse. Nothing is going to make him stop talking to you like that, and you should probably rethink your life with him. Do you really want to have children with him and have him say these kinds of things to your kids? If he calls you stupid and you have gone to school, what is he going to say to your child when your child turns two and starts asking questions about everything?
2007-09-14 00:27:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
now i don't understand the part about "not being a good parent and who he was talking to" but the other things about trying to make you look stupid, and if you're not interested in something like sports, or historic stuff he just gone have to understand that's why you're 2 different ppl you don't like the same things but yea i would get mad n say little smart things to him, to make him mad or not have sex for a few days till he learns lolz but or you can also act like your interested in whatever he's talking about just to make him feel good GOOD LUCK HON!!! i know men can be so stubborn sometimes
2007-09-14 00:25:52 · answer #10 · answered by Sexii~Caramel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋