I can't reach orgasm, any real answers?

Question

I am 7 years married and we have 5 children. My husband has been my one and only.
I am somewhat frustrated with this issue and want so badly to experience what I am missing out on.
I believe I am able to reach a clitorical (sp?) orgasm but not vaginal. Just these past months have I been able to have the clitorical orgasm by my husband. I have tried 'feeling' myself and well I just don't get it. Is there not someone that can explain exactly what an orgasm is? I've read books, talked with my doctor, read the other answers to similar questions on this site, and I have even talked with my MOM! I can't seem to get a straight answer from anyone.
My husband is very good and loving... he is patient... umm all the things he should be. He is not upset with me or voicing his wishes for me to reach orgasm. Very loving. I do not have a bad past that would prevent me from wanting to go here...
I am just a normal woman that wants an orgasm!
Any true help would be appreciated.
Thank You

Someone gave advise that I may just not be interested. And I think my asking the question would say otherwise. I and my husband have a high sex level and enjoy each other, lets just say, more than weekly. Otherwise thanks for the advise. Again I have read many books and still can not find the answer to what this O thing is. It gives some relif with one persons advise that the clitoris O is more intense than the vaginal, however what is the vaginal O?
My frustration over this matter for now several years stems from my wanting to connect with my already wonderful lover on this level that I've heard about but have not expereonced.
Again thanks!

One more thing: I have tried a vibrator and don't really like it or maybe just haven't used it correctly? I don't know.

Answer 1

You said you have had clitoral orgasms, a lot of women only have those. Not everyone has vaginal orgasm, I think I have only had one vaginal orgasm my whole life, but clitoral ones all the time. It's perfectly normal. If in fact you have not had an orgasm, clitoral or otherwise, talk to your gyno, she may have something to help or some ideas.

Answer 2

Nothing wrong with a clitoral orgasm, that's the most common kind and there's nothing inferior about it. A vaginal orgasm can be hard to achieve and many women never do (and don't particularly try) and don't feel particularly deprived. It's a variation, and new experiences can be fun, but it's not necessary.

As to what an orgasm feels like, well, it's pretty impossible to describe but you'll know when you have. :-) Physically, an orgasm is the sudden release of the mucles in your genital and pelvic areas, which become tenser and tenser as you become more and more sexually stimulated. But that description probably won't tell you if you've had one or not.

I would continue to try masturbation, even if you don't "get it", at first. It can take a while to figure out your own body, but it's pretty hard to have an orgasm with a partner if you can't have one by yourself. Take as much time as you need and and don't pressure yourself. It's also hard to have an orgasm when all you can think is "I must have an orgasm, I must have an orgasm!" There is no dead line or "normal" time to have figured this out. Relax and make time for it--although with 5 kids, that can't be easy!

And if you are having clitoral orgasms for the first time with your husband, be happy about that! If you hadn't been able to orgasm at all before that, that's a major milestone. Again, you only need ONE kind of orgasm, the others kinds are just icing. :-) I'm glad that your husband is so kind and understanding. That certainly will help. I'm sure things will be fine.

Answer 3

It might be any number of things. It could be anything, such as a lack of spice in your sex life (boredom), something medical, stress, relationship/personal issues, or just you getting older. Try doing something to spice up your sex life, such as new positions, taboo locations, role playing, or something else that's new. If that doesn't work, try seeing if there's anything wrong with your life or your relationship. Stress or problems in your life or relationship will absolutely affect your sex life! If all else fails, you might want to talk to your GYN about it the next time you see him or her. It's unlikely that it's a health problem because there would be other signs showing up, but it's better to be safe than sorry. EDIT: It sounds like the problem is age and complacency. I'm sensing that there might be a slight distance in the relationship, which can happen even in the happiest of marriages. I think that right now the two of you should try connecting emotionally more than physically. Go on a trip, share feelings, do all of that touchy feely warm and fuzzy stuff. Hold off on sex for a while- maybe all you need is to take a break from it. I also suggest that you try delaying the orgasm as long as possible if you do have sex. Don't think of it as an end goal, think of it as the cherry on top of the most awesome ice cream sunday. In fact, go a week without actual sex and just have tons of foreplay, both mental and physical. Do the teasing touches and with words, glances, and gestures that you want him. I'm really getting the impression that this is more of a mental block than anything physical. There are a lot of great couples books for stuff like this (getting too used to one another, sexual boredom, etc), so try picking one up and seeing what it can do for the both of you? I just have to warn you, ignoring it will only make it grow over time.

Answer 4

This can happen for you, you just have to find the right spot to hit inside. I am only 22 years old, and about a year ago I was able to achieve a vaginal orgasm with my current boyfriend. I always could achieve clitoral ones, but one day my boyfriend was on top of me as deep as possible and I moved in circular motions while he was very deep. I felt a feeling that I might orgasm and continued to do so and did! Now everytime we have sex I can orgasm this way but the really only garaunteed way is if he is on top very deep thrusting while I move in circles and it is def not a clitoral one. It can happen for you just keep trying!

Answer 5

My fiance and i have the same problem. she has fantastic orgasms during oral sex and she enjoys regular sex very much but never climaxes. I think it might have to do with women reaching a climax for so long from masturbating on their own that they are trained to orgasm to only a certain sensation. They have products which can help a women climax during sex such as rings which fit around the penis that have an area with little bumps that touch the clitoris as you have sex. also there are clitoris vibrators that can be held against the clitoris when having sex. last, try different positions. certain positions stimulate in different ways.

Answer 6

I also have this probelm, I dont believe their is anything physically wrong with you, you mentioned you have 5 kid,s, wow you have your hands full! This can also cause problems relaxing and focusing. Do you have any sex drive at all? do you think about sex ? do you long to have your husband sexually? Im sorry but I truly think you might be bored and frustrated, you may not think it or not want to believe it but I think you are not attracted to your hubby or any man at all right now, and this doesnt mean your gay or you,ll never have a sexual relationship, it just means you have alot on your plate right now, I too have a great husband who is loving and loves me, but in all honesty, I dont desire him or any man for that matter, I just dont care about sex right now, and I know one day I will, but like you I have alot going on. If Im wrong then talk to your doctor about it but I dont believe you are gonna get anywhere, also people are all different, some women have strong sex drives and others dont, sex is,nt the main thing in a marriage sure its important, but its not the #1 thing, so just let go of this for now and move onto what does interest you in and about your husband and in time you,ll come around.

Answer 7

i thought i have had some orgasms before till i got a vibrator (jack rabbit) and found out what clitoral orgasm really is - its like a very strong, powerful wave goes all over your body (starts from your clitoris and exits threw your toes and top of your head) and your vagina contracts - you cant mistaken it with anything else - there is nothing else you could compare it even with - you just know it when you get it.
clitoral orgasms are the strongest ones. vaginal ones are not as strong and to me personally they are very mild comparing to clitoral ones.

Answer 8

sex is mostly mental,stress can slow down things in bedroom. To counter this, approach this problem by turning back the clock to what really turns you on. Think and reflect on that and set aside some time for a special night of blissful sex. Talk to your partner during and tell him what spots feels the best. Certain equipment is required to reach the desired spot so try different positions to reach those let's just say ahh hard to reach places!

Answer 9

Have you tried a vibrator? Or other sex toys. I suggest trying to get there yourself first. And then try with him. You are lucky that he is so patient!! And then once you have had one yourself start by you being on top and in controll ( he will like that!!) It feels a lot like an orgasim that you are having just a little deeper emotionallty and physically.

Answer 10

Ok, you wont have it everytime, but you gotta have it. It is psycological and emotional in a woman, if you think those are fine, you are closer than you think, read "How to have an orgasm in five minutes every five minutes" I found it in barnes and Noble and it worked for me. Good luck and dont stress, you'll get there.