I have a problem and want to avoid divorce ... help !?

Question

I love my wife; she is younger than me, beautiful and has a great sense of humor. But when she gets mad she starts insulting, beating me and saying terrible things. This is my 8th time that she slaps me in the face or hit me hard with a bat when she gets upset. Every time we receive help from friends, physiologist, she always talks the most awful things about me instead of being at my side. We have been into 4 counseling sessions and the 4 therapist's advice is to get away from her since she is violent and doesn’t respect... I am trying to avoid divorce and she doesn’t want to get help even though she admit the aggression problem. Now she threat me of comiting suicide.. im going crazy... it seems that the only thing that worries her is being back at her mom’s house or having to work since I provided her with everything. I don’t want to sound as a dork but I am just trying to save this marriage. I just dont know how to handle this and need advice from serious users please.

Everytime I decide for separation she acts like an angel from heaven until the next comfrontation ... she just transformed into evil ... what should I do.??

Answer 1

1. Don't get her pregnant.
2. Get out of there when she can't control herself.
3. Throw her *** in jail next time and press charges.
4. Stop tolerating it. This is your life. You decide how you will be treated. She does it because she can.
5. Know that she CHOOSES to act this way.
6. Move out and just separate up until she has completed anger management, problem-solving skills, stress and coping skills and is enrolled in some sort of therapy that addresses her needs. Do not make excuses. I don't care WHY she does it. I care that you stop tolerating it.
7. Call an abuse shelter and talk to them.
8. There are other men abuses by their wives.
9. Get a therapist yourself.
10. Look up "spouse abuse" and "husband abuse" and get educated..
11. Understand that her behavior will escalate. You could be dead. Get out.
12. She can choose whether to seek help or not, but you are only responsible for you in this relationship. She is an adult and needs to get up to speed and act like it. She can survive without you.
13. Know that when you draw the line or leave, she will get much worse and the drama will go through the roof so she can get her control over you back. Don't fall for it.

14. Get educated and get out.

Answer 2

Honestly, I would agree with the therapists. I had a brother-in-law in the same situation. It never got better until they divorced and he got away from her with their kids.

He was very much in love with her and it took years for him to make the break away from her. He suffered in the meantime the same way that you are now. His wife was even hospitalized for a short time for depression and suicidal thoughts.

Part of what you are describing is a cycle of abuse.
1. There is tension and the person explodes and is abusive.
2. Then they act sorry for what they've done.
3. Then there is usually a time where everything seems normal.
4. Then the tension starts building up again to another explosion.

Without the person getting help, the cycle just keeps repeating over and over and usually gets worse. The violence becomes more intense; and the nice and normal periods become shorter.

If your spouse won't get help, as much as it may hurt, as much as you may love them, you truly need to consider what the therapists are telling you and get out of that relationship as soon as possible.

You can find additional information on the web using search words such as spouse abuse.

Answer 3

Your wife needs some major counseling. Instead of being a wife beater, she is a husband beater. She needs to get into anger management classes.

She has the same pattern as a man who beats their women. Minute they threaten to leave, they are all nice and sorry and will never do it again.. then things go good for awhile until the next outbreak.

She will not change unless she gets help to control her anger, and find out why she is the way she is.

Until she does get help I seriously suggest you separate. Regardless of how much you love her, you have to think of your own well being and safety also Take care your yourself.

Answer 4

I feel so sorry for you and thin that you really do love your wife. It's nice to be in love with someone but when they start to abuse you then who needs to go out and find enemies when you are living with one.She sounds like she is very spoiled and furthermore she just does not care one way or not what you think. She does not want to lose you because you provide her a safe haven but on the other hand she does not want you or she would treat you better.She needs to be taught a lesson from you. Tell her that you have had enough, Leave her for a while and when she starts to act right then allow her to treat you really good for some time.But let it be on your grounds. Separate from her for a little bit and then keep seeing her also. Tell her that when you can trust her to treat you right then you might come back to her. You should never be abused by someone that says they love you. They either love you and want to treat you right or they either are using you and depend on you and might be taking you for a ride of your life. You can do without this abuse and it just might mean doing without her fora while till she learns her lesson and that is to treat you like a good husband. She'll get the picture, you'll see. Play hard with her or you might lose her.Good luck to you and you can make this work but you have to get tuff. God Bless you to.

Answer 5

Sorry u r going thru this. Listen u can't help someone that doesn't believe they're the problem. She obviously has an anger management issue. Time to separate for awhile and let her start seeing things in perspective. U don't deserve this and do u really want to deal with this any longer. Whether she goes or u go someone has to make the first move.

Answer 6

I understand that you don't want to get a divorce. But it sounds like your wife isn't being respectful of your feelings and needs in the relationship. The ease with which she turns her emotions clean around is a bit disconcerting.

Ok, when someone close to you threatens suicide that means one of two things. They will really go through with it - but they are telling you in hopes that you will stop them so the two of you can talk.

The second one is that they don't mean it and it's merely a cry for help. If someone is actually going to kill themselves, they wouldn't tell anyone for fear that someone might try and stop them. If it's a cry for help they want someone to hear, then they aren't ready to go through with it. It just means that you need to be there to support her seeking counselling.

Answer 7

I know you love this woman but she has a serious problem, she needs medication and needs it now. she is hitting on you and name calling every time you get into an argument. why in the world would you want ot try to save this relationship if she doesnt respect you or attemtps to hurt you. She is turning you into someone you dont want ot be, you are a scared fragile guy wandering when will be the next attack. why live like that. she is not going ot change after 4 physiologist,4 councelors, talking to friends, and family. she wont change. i know you love her but does she really love you if she treats you like this? When you were thinking of getting married to her did you say to your self I hope she hits me ad talks crap to me, i hope she beats me with a bat......no you didnt want this or need this. you deserve someone better that will love you and not attack you with bats or emotionally abuse you. you deserve a better life. i hope you dont have kids, if you do they deserve a better life too.i think it is not good or healthy to live like this. do you?

Answer 8

If you were a woman and she were a man, everyone would tell you to leave.

This is not healthy. There is no excuse for physical abuse, you should leave. And if she is willing to go to counseling, then you guys should go, but I think separation is a good idea. Sometimes we enable the ones we love without realizing it. So don't enable her. There must be some underlying issues for why she feels it's okay to hit you, she needs to counseling to discover and deal with those things.

Good luck.

Answer 9

She hit you with a BAT? And then she acts like an angel?

She's a spouse beater, no question. That is the pattern they all go through.

Insist on marriage counseling. INSIST on it. And if she won't go, go by yourself -- if only to get insight into how she's warped your thinking into believing this is acceptable.

Godspeed on your path.

Answer 10

Is any of this due to drugs or alcholoh? If not, she needs some meds.

This is the type you here about when the guy wakes up without a penis.

She is the only one that can help her. If she is not willing, you need to get away. If you walk out, it may force her to get help.