okay. i wrote this poem. i'm 14. what do you think of it? note: constructive critisism is greatly appreciated.
so here it goes...
i never dreampt it possible,
never considered even once,
that i could be surrounded
by everyone i know
yet still could shake in pain
due to the lonlieness trapped inside me now.
i sit and stare at him and her,
at all lovers indeed,
and tremble in evny,
dreaming of what life could be.
visions of love and laughter
flood my mind and unite;
a picture perfect world
hidden right beneath my eyes.
these images of fantasy
are soon crushed by reality
and remind me that i'm crazy.
i hold on to what i do have still
and plead to defy fate
and what is sure to be.
my heart cries.
i don't want to feel alone for eternity.
2007-09-13 16:35:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Outstanding! Keep this up and you may just be the Poet Laurete of America befor you are 20. Your words and thoughs have a flow and a depth that most people will never know, or grasp, although their souls will sing along to the tune your words evoke, their ears will not hear the clarity of your though, but they will feel the stirings in their heart of the power in your verse.
Keep writing and keep sharing with the world, you have a HUGE talent. Get an Agent/Manager and get your work copyrighted.
You also have a penchant for writing very commercial, (meaning saleable) song lyrics, I can almost hear your verse set to music, on a hit CD. So be aware that even if you have the soul and talent of a poet perhaps your vocation is in songwriting, - which is a great way to use your talent - AND make a living.
Anyway you are young, but God has given you a gift, and if you get involved in the music business - you need to put everything you have into it while you are there, since most of the "Stars" have short lives in the lime light. You must be so excited!! I hope your folks are behind you on this! Good luck young lady, I expect great things from you!
2007-09-13 17:13:27 · answer #1 · answered by jtrall25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A torturer would desire to be very straightforward to the folk he tortured. jointly as somebody would desire to lie so as to sidestep the guy he enjoyed from getting harm. i'm no longer lots into S & M, so love is greater ideal. except of direction it truly is a guy or woman giving no longer person-friendly 'love' by ability of hurting the folk he/she 'loves', if that's the case, honesty is greater ideal. of direction, being straightforward and telling the completed actual fact are 2 quite a few issues. a general guy or woman being straightforward would desire to no longer be telling the completed actual fact. The 'fact' hurts, however the completed actual fact would not harm, as matter surely the completed fact is surprisingly much the comparable as love. regardless of the undeniable fact that, the completed actual fact won't be in a position to be everyday to a mortal, purely God understand the completed actual fact. So God being straightforward is surprisingly lots the comparable as love, which render the completed is love or honesty question irrelevant, a minimum of for God.
2016-11-10 09:46:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that much about poetry, but capitilize I and I'm. Also run it through a spell checker
dreampt, lonlieness, evny are all spelled incorrectly.
Like I said I'm not a poetry person but, at times it seems as if your trying to keep a rythm, but other times it seems as if your going for an off-tempo poem.
Other than that, this is quite impressive for such a young age.
2007-09-13 18:28:20 · answer #3 · answered by Jon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a fantastic poem. It rhymes to song. There's a few lines in here that you could repeat 3X. This is excellent. You have the talent to be a great writer in some form. Keep up the great work.
2007-09-13 16:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by cougardawson 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
keep writing. That's really good. I think early teens are the best times to write deep poems because there really is a lot going on at that time in your life.
2007-09-13 16:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by misty h 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is great! its the same kind of poems my brother writes. He won some contest in school one day and he has been writing ever since. Keep it up!
2007-09-13 16:48:24 · answer #6 · answered by Transformed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are talented. Surround yourself with positive people and make goals for yourself. Keep busy. You will not be alone for eternity. I remember mama said "Love don't come easy"
2007-09-13 16:42:42 · answer #7 · answered by Missy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its a nice poem took me a while to read though pretty big hehe
2007-09-13 16:40:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very nice Dear. Really. You keep on with it.....God gave you a Talent. Use It.
2007-09-13 17:02:36 · answer #9 · answered by minnetta c 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a good poem. worrying about eternity..? that is something you don't have to worry about my dear... Jesus will be there for you in eternity... if you go to Him... i am not in a relationship and yet don't feel lonely because Jesus is always there with me... =)
He loves everyone including YOU...
2007-09-13 17:03:45 · answer #10 · answered by sharon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋