My wife says I'm narrow minded for not accepting her new, swinging lifestyle.?

Question

After 11 years of marriage, my wife began having affairs. It started with one, which I forgave, then she went on a trip and slept with two other people and tried for a third. After she returned, she started going out for drinks with her friends and soon slept with two other guys. I finally told her to leave after she invited a guy over to the house while I was away on a week long conference. That was the final straw and I told her to leave the house, me, and our four kids. Now she accusses me of being too narrow minded of her new swinging lifestyle. She's moved in with a boyfriend and doesn't understand why I won't let her take our kids anywhere. She's offered to take them swimming at her boyfriend's apartment. Since she thinks I'm narrow minded and not really in tune with how Americans view her lifestyle, I would like to ask anyone out there how they view her lifestyle and if they would be comfortable letting her take their kids anywhere.

Answer 1

You're in the right, and she's just being defensive.

Sorry you're going through this. Plenty of women would kill for a faithful man with a job! And one who cares about his kids, too? :: swoon ::

Answer 2

Scp98k, your wife might be a lot of things, but "swinger" is not one of them. I'm a swinger. I know swingers. She's not even close.

I actually dislike the term "swinger" because it's so stigmatized and misused. I prefer "responsibly non-monogamous". Screwing around on your spouse while flaunting it in front of him (and further abusing him by devaluing his feelings) doesn't make a person a swinger, no matter what they profess. It makes them cheaters...and YES, there is a very big difference. Swingers don't hurt themselves, each other or anyone else with what they do. They are honest and upfront about their desires and attractions, BUT - and this is important - they respect their spouses needs and feelings. Very much so.

Your wife is sadly disillusioned if she thinks her whoring around is actually swinging. To be considered swinging, she requires your enthusiastic approval. If what she is doing is against your wishes (as I'm gathering it is!), then I'm afraid she's going to have to rethink the label she's pasted on herself.

So...there you go. You've got the skinny on "real" swinging, and now you're no longer out of touch with (North) America's views on this lifestyle. As far as the care of the kids is concerned, swinging really is neither here nor there. An adult's sexual preferences shouldn't be brought into question where the kids are concerned unless there is some sort of risk that said sexual preference happens to be pedophilia. Swinging sex is like regular sex, except there are more than 2 people involved. Now that said, I'd still be uncomfortable with your wife introducing the kids to her boyfriend. It's very clear that she's stuck on selfish, and she can't be trusted to put the needs of others (for example, the children's need to be emotionally protected from adult stupidity) ahead of her own desires (entertaining herself by 'playing house' with real live human beings).

So do as she suggested and educate yourself (see the site below). Then tell her, "I DID look into it...and you're full of sh*t. You're not swinging there, HotPants; you're just cheating. Plain and simple. Here are your bags. If, someday, you grow up enough to handle adult responsibilities like parenting and marriage, let me know."

Answer 3

First of all good for you that you finally did away with her abusive ways! Pat yourself on the back as well to put your kids first! Here is my opinion on her taking the kids. If she is taking them to a safe environment and is spending quality time with them - then I think it is very important for their bonding. However, I would lay down some strict visitation guidelines of which have been endorsed by the courts. You need to file for divorce immediately and go for full custody on the grounds that she lives an unstable life. Oh and of course go for that child support! After all a woman must pay the price for being an unfit mother. Good luck and chin up! There is a woman in your near future who will be more than willing to be a faithful wife to you and a wonderful mother figure to your children. Meanwhile in the terms of the ex just remember what comes around goes around. My hats off to you!

Answer 4

First off, since it wasn't an agreed upon lifestyle, it is not swinging, it is CHEATING. And the fact that she is so callous and careless about it all shows she is in a really immature phase of her life. She cannot handle having the children right now, and they don't need to be exposed to her "lifestyle."

You did the right thing by kicking her out and telling her to leave the kids. You are the only one being responsible for the kids and I would advise you to stay that way because they need you. Good job!

Answer 5

You are talking about her 'leaving the house, me, and our four kids' - why aren't you talking about your divorce proceedings?
This is something you have to work out in a court of law. It doesn't matter if half of the American public would be tittilated by your wife's swinging. You are a parent and you have a right to express yourself in a court of law about what you would consider to be an immoral environment for growing children.
I can't imagine your wife even would want the kids around while she's swinging.
Get yourself to a good lawyer right now! You're talking about weighty moral matters and you're trying to save money? Or are you just nervous about it? Talk to several lawyers with good reputations, then, and see which you feel most comfortable with. It will make the process easier.

Answer 6

You were wise to tell her to leave. If that's the life she wants, then let her have it and save your kids and yourself. Assuming that you have been a dutiful and faithful husband, I think you would be risking your life and health by being with such a promiscuous woman. It's sad that she is trying to sow her wild oats at this stage, but only she knows what is going through her mind.

I would allow her to see the children but I wouldn't allow her to keep them overnight. Her lifestyle leaves a lot of questions about her ability and willingness to properly supervise and protect the children. If she is so self-absorbed and thinks you are narrow-minded for not agreeing, with her looseness, then anything is likely to happen. Remember that she brought at least one man into your marital home while you were still together. Clearly, her judgment is poor.

These various men she sleeps with, might harm the children. What do you know about this new boyfriend's character? He might be otherwise normal, or he could be a pervert who does not view your kids as being off limits for his sexual gratification. There are too many predators out there and your wife may either deliberately or inadvertently expose the kids to one of them. In addition to speaking to her about these concerns, you should also consult an attorney. Protect your children.

Answer 7

I think you are an excellent father for wanting to do what is best for your kids. Mom needs a reality check. Just because other people are doing something doesn't make it right. What kind of example is she setting for your kids?? Not one you want them to have. I admire you for not wanting them around that lifestyle even if it means they don't get to see mom, which i know has to be hard to deal with. I would suggest telling mom that as long as she is sleeping around, the kids aren't allowed there. She will either decide she loves her kids and wants to straighten out her life so she can see them, or she will choose to do what she wants. Whatever she chooses, you are doing the right thing by protecting your kids. Keep up the good work. Good Luck and God bless.

Answer 8

I totally agree with your feelings with your wife's new life style. She has violated her vows and the sanctity of your marriage. I hope you can get past this tragedy and find happiness. The people who I've known in this life style, they end up empty and used up. Hopefully, she will not contract HIV or other disease. Many of these people abuse alcohol and drugs. It would be hard on the kids to see their mother suffer.

Your wife has the right to see her kids. She needs to keep her new life style from the kids. It is also important that you do not try to poison your kids relationship with your wife. In the long run, the kids will figure out who is the good guy and who is the bad guy. If you try to point it out, you will only alienate your kids. I would keep tabs on what happens when the kids visits your wife. I have concerns about having your kids around a stranger who has low moral values. I would insist on know this guys full name and check him in the police sexual predator's database before letting her take the kids over there. God bless.

Answer 9

i am reallu sorry to say that your wife is misusing you and treats you like nothing... you dont mean anything to her now and her priorities have changed. bloody she says you are narrow minded but she is a ***** and how can you tolerate her activities even after knowing everything and now she knows that you know everthing and she does that in front of you too. but man just take care. first of all go to police station and write an FIR and let the police be informed bout whats happeneing. may be in future if something wrong go then atleast there is someone who knows what was happening. may be she will plan somthing with her boyfriend and try to move you outta her life.... best thing is send her divorce notice before your kids grow too old and understand everything.......take care and all the best.

Answer 10

You're not narrow minded, your normal. Find a lawyer, file for divorce and get custody of your kids. I wouldn't let her take the kids, she's hardly a good role model. I wish you and your kids the very best of luck. I was humiliated to have to go after a cheating husband, but you really need to have an Aids test.

Answer 11

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