I HATE THiS!!!!!!!?

Question

i have to create my own version of declaration of independance ,,and i decided on doing it about having my own room is that a good topic and so it this ok

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There are three beliefs I strongly agree with which one is I think parents should agree that the oldest child has more to take care and worry about everything around them. So they should be allowed to have a room to call their own. Second I think teachers should also give the children a break, At least during the weekends and not give them homework sometimes and I don’t think teachers really understand what is going on in the teenagers’ houses and also they have to worry less. Little things at their homes can affect a lot in their homes like fighting for rooms. Lastly, another reason why I should have own rooms is because everyday I have to help my parents clean and fix the house. I am sure a lot of other teenagers work harder than me at their houses so they as
^^^GOOD PARAGRAPH?

Answer 1

I'll help to correct your errors. If it's for a grade, you should be thankful.

"So they should be allowed to have a room to call their own." Never start a sentence with so, but, or, or because. It's against the rules of grammar.

"Second I think teachers should also give the children a break, At least during the weekends and not give them homework sometimes and I don’t think teachers really understand what is going on in the teenagers’ houses and also they have to worry less." RUN-ON SENTENCE. Break it up a little. Also, don't have a comma with a capital letter.

"Little things at their homes can affect a lot in their homes like fighting for rooms. Lastly, another reason why I should have own rooms is because everyday I have to help my parents clean and fix the house. I am sure a lot of other teenagers work harder than me at their houses so they as."

None of that made sense, at all.

Overall, it was a terrible paragraph. Put more effort into it.


If I had to change your mistakes, I'd say something like..

There are three main reasons I believe older children should have their own room. First, I think the oldest child deserves his or her own room because he or she has to take care of a lot more issues than his or her younger siblings. When his/her parents aren't around, he/she has to take care of the younger siblings, feed them, and make sure they don't get hurt. I believe he/she should be able to have his/her own room because he/she deserves it. Secondly, I believe teachers should understand that teenagers have a lot to handle at home and with friends and it sometimes affects their schoolwork. Therefor, I believe teachers should give less homework. If a teacher gave enough homework for a child to do in class, he/she wouldn't have to worry about it at home. Next, I believe children should be able to have their own rooms if they help their parents cook and clean up the house. In cleaning and cooking, children take a load off of their parents. They don't have to worry about the house being a mess. I believe it's only fair that if children help their parents, their parents can help them out every once in a while and give them their own room. To conclude, believe older children should have their own rooms for many reasons.

I just wrote a four paragraph essay in 10 minutes. I think you can do a little better than what you did. You obviously either didn't try or are very stupid.

Answer 2

May I correct you? Just so the teacher doesn't whine?

There are three things I strongly believe in. The first one is that I think parents should know that the oldest child has more to take care of and worry about everything around them. So they should be allowed to have their own room. Secondly, I think teachers should given students a break, at least on weekends and not give as much homework. I don't think teachers really understand what is going on in the students' homes and the teachers have less to worry about. Little things in teenagers' home affect a lot of things - like fighting over a room. Lastly, another reason why I should have my own room is because every day I have to help my parents clean and fix the house. I am sure a lot of other teenagers work harder than me at their houses, too, so the oldest should get their own room.

I didn't change it. Just corrected the grammar a little. Hope I didn't make you mad.

Answer 3

The teachers don't give homework at my daughter's school on weekends or church nights. Yea. Your paragraph is good.

Answer 4

whooaaa, we're gonna do this later on in the sixth grade. XD
anyways, the paragraph needs a little more detail.
and the third topic doesn't really make sense.
sooo yeaa.

Answer 5

Wow. I had to do this before. Do you have the same teacher I had?