What does it take to be married?

Question

Marriage has been on my mind.I want to ask my gf to marry me.But!, we are not financially able too.I make just enough for myself and so does she.This has been a factor for me and her father.Are we able to financial stay together?Can we take care of bills and life's neccessities?Are we able to live comfortable?
Her father asked me, "What are you able to do to provide for my daughter the security and financial comfortability?"

I do think about our future and well being.Having thoughts for the future does not cut it though.
Her father wants me to be able to provide right after we get married.Time frame...soon after marriage.I do have plans but it'll take a longer time.It seems like I need something now...and just being able to take care of ourselves does not cut it.For him atleast...am I being naive?

I also pondered on the thought if we can both take care of ourselves...can't we get married and live together.

So I want to ask poeple out there...what does it take to be married?

Answer 1

It takes mental illness. Live with her. If it works out then get married. If it doesn't no big loss. It's the 21st century.

Oh, and you better be ambitious and earn more or she'll be gone the first time something 2% better comes along.

Answer 2

You should consult with a financial counselor of some kind. It probably doesn't have to be anyone with special qualifications; just an adult with some financial knowledge. If you go to a church, maybe someone there who is a banker or accountant. Maybe a friend of your parents who has some wisdom on the subject.

Prepare a realistic budget for the two of you living together and see if you can handle it. If you are both living on your own (i.e. paying rent, not leaching off parents) then it's highly likely you can support one household between the two of you.

If you're both living at home then you might not have a good idea what it costs to pay the bills in the real world. That's where your financial counselor comes in. He or she can help you come up with a realistic estimate of your expenses.

If you haven't finished college you should consider doing that. It's hard to go to school while you're working to pay the bills. On the other hand, there is good financial aid available to married couples who are in school, though it doesn't kick in until the second year you're married and independent.

There's more here to consider than we can tell you here on YA. You need to find a good financial counselor to talk to about these issues.

Answer 3

I don't think it's the finances that's the issue. The reason for waiting to be more financially stable before marriage is because marriage is much more stressful than just being bf/ gf. You don't need to add financial worries on top of that. Also, financial problems are one of the leading causes of discourse in a marriage.

AND... what if she gets pregnant? Would you be able to raise a baby in the manner you'd like? Have you any idea how much daycare costs, if she wanted to keep working? I pay almost $600 a month for daycare, and that's not considered expensive. That's not even taking diapers and carseats and clothes, etc., into consideration.

It's not just about "We could make the rent..." Don't be in a rush to get married.

Answer 4

Well I am glad to see you are concerned about finances.. so many couples rush into marriage and it doesn't work due to money related issues.

If you can both manage to support yourselves individually, then you should be able to manage finances together. AS long as you both don't go overboard spending.

Stay within your means .. Keep a budget and STICK to it!!! Save something out of your paychecks every payday!! and DON"T touch it. DO NOT DO CREDIT CARDS!!!!!! I have seen too many couples go into credit card debt.

My husband and I Have just celebrated our 26th anniversary and we have never had a credit card.. our choice.

As for making a marriage work. Trusting each other, and communication between you both is extremely important. If you have neither of those, it will not last. Always make time for each other and always give more than you take with each other. BE LOYAL to each other. Do Not Cheat. If your not happy in your marriage seek counseling before cheating or divorcing. Marriage is a 24/7 job and it takes work to make it work!!! To many couples break up, call it quits after one little squabble!!! My husband and I have had many ups and downs... but we work through them.

I wish you luck!!!

Answer 5

You don't sound like you have it together yet. Give it a few more years while you develop job skills and get a bit of financial security. The subject couples argue about most is money. Living with parents isn't providing for yourself, by the way. I only mention that because many young people don't realize how unrealistic an arrangement that is until they move out.

Answer 6

Here's the answer for her father: "What! I thought she was going to support me! Holy @#$%&! It's a good thing you said something."

It's even more impressive if you leap up and shake his hand vigorously while delivering the last line.

For the most part it doesn't matter if the answers don't 'cut it' for her father - the good news is that you're not marrying him.

Next go talk to her mother and find out how much her parents had when they started out. That's always enlightening.

Some struggling at first is not a bad thing. It invests you both in the relationship. Years later you may look back on that 3rd floor walk-up apartment as having some of the best years of your life.

It takes a lot of guts to get married. Fortunately that's why God invented lust. It helps dispell the fear.

Good luck, and go get 'er!

Answer 7

It takes love, caring, patience and understanding to be married. In today's world it takes both to be employed in order to make the bills. At first, it won't be easy. You've got to get used to sharing a bathroom. Her friends, your friends, your space, her space. Budgeting money for those emergencies. There's nothing to say you can't propose now and plan for a wedding in a year. Plenty of time to save yourself a little nest egg to help get you started.
Her Father, just wants you to be sure about what you're getting into. He probably is being a bit protective too. It's not a bad thing for a parent to be. I was the same with my son's girlfriends. Well, the ones I didn't like.
If you're looking for the thing to say to persuade her Father, there is no perfect thing to say.
I will tell you this. If you love her, the seed of doubt wouldn't hinder you.

Answer 8

Your girlfriend's father is correct on asking you if you are capable of financially providing for both your lives as married couple.

Love is not the only factor to a successful marriage. Hungry stomachs can easily ruin relationships. Think about it first and establish yourself financially.

It is hard enough to adjust living with somebody, more so fighting over who's going to what.

Answer 9

her father is right.

you need to be able to pay the rent, insurance and regular living expenses.

in the old days, you could live with the in-laws or your parents until you accumulated savings and earned more.

i think those days are gone when family behaved like family.

you and the intended need to start saving and planning things out.

the last thing you want to do is to get married and get her pregnant.

as you know, the economy and jobs are headed into difficulties as the housing, banking and mortgage industry resolves some very serious problems.

things will become more difficult before they will become easier.

as your love grows stronger and you both accumulate savings, you can start to answer the questions of her father.

better to be prepared with money than to be in love and broke.


good luck.

Answer 10

It takes commitment. To forsake all others. One of the things people get a divorce over is financial problems. If you two are in love and serious about it, give it a little more time. Listen to the future father in law. He only means well. Good luck.