Should I forgive my wife or divorce her? Falsely accused of having sex with child?

Question

My wife accused me of having sex with my 22 Y/O daughter which was not true, My daughter is her step daughter and she has always been jealous of her and my relationship. This was reported to the police and I voluntarily took a polygraph test at my expense to prove with 99% accurateness's that this was not the case. I think my wife deliberately lied because of her jealously toward my daughter and I. Also this could have ruined my reputation as well as my business if anyone would have even thought the lie was true. I feel like she was trying to destroy me in every way possible. I don't know why, maybe because I have a high paying business and make as much in a couple of hours as she does in a week. Who knows? All I know is that this is eating at me very badly and I have a lot of anger built up inside of me because of this. My daughter is also angry! What would you do if your spouse falsely accused you of having sex with one of your children? How could anyone ever put this behind them?

I have many hundreds of hours in law libraries and know what she reported was illegal and grounds for divorce. Her report was made solely on a suspicion (no actual facts) She was also admitted into a mental hospital the next day of accusing me & my daughter and according to the laws of my state mental illness is no excuse for this kind of false accusation The hospital said she was suffering from a disorder in which she believes lies are true and the truth is a lie. Thats the best they could come up with she was hospitalized for a week and we are attending counseling but it's not working for me. I'm still angry. I could ruin her but I really don't want to. I wouldn't have to pay anything for a divorce in other words I would lose nothing to her.

Her life would fall apart if I divorced her, As she needs me, But I am afraid of what might happen next. Other than this one bad situation she has always been by my side.

Answer 1

Your asking us if you should divorce her? Honey start your paperwork.

Answer 2

Sorry to say that this is a toxic marriage. How can you be happy with someone who can't trust you, especially, when you took a lie detector test to prove you were telling the truth? I don't see this marriage every working out. I mean shouldn't have it been a red flag before you got married? Oh well everyone makes mistakes. Nothing wrong with being close with your children. As long as your child is in your life, your wife will always be jealous and she will never change. Maybe your wife is jealous because of your daughter's beauty or something? I don't know. If I was a man, I would divorce her. She sounds like a psycho biatch anyway.

Answer 3

I really would not divorce her .. yet - Ofcourse I am one of those forgive & forget type people - Atleast the forgive part for sure - If she truly has a mental illness then you kind of owe it to her to work on the marriage. I totally understand that what she has accused you of is a disgusting, embarassing, vile, nasty accusation. But if her mental illness contributed to her behavior then she really needs forgiveness - and probably really needs you. I would read up on this stuff right here - it's great advice. Sounds like she's getting the help she needs but you still can't put it behind you - Clearly you are still very angry at her - I would be too - because that should be the LAST thing she thinks about you - but you do need to forgive her whether you stay with her or not. The anger inside you is only hurting you because you are the only one feeling it. Forgiveness will release that anger - I have a mentally ill father and he has said some crazy crazy things - including telling me that I accused him of child molestation - which I never did - but it was still embarassing to even hear those words coming from my Father's mouth!! It made me want to crawl in a hole! He's on meds and much better now. I truly wish you and your wife the best. Sounds like you love her and she must be worth it to you to work on it or you wouldn't even be asking this question . Good luck
http://drphil.com/articles/article/349/

Answer 4

First of all this is your child that you have been accused of messing with this is horrible thing for a wife to say about her husband no matter how jealous she is of her daughter, This could have ruined your reputation and your business as well and this will be very hard for you to get over. You have a lot of anger inside of you and i don't want you to explode and get into trouble have you tried counseling about this. she really needs help some woman get angry because of your daughters youth ,you and your daughter is very close. I was a daddy girl my self. Perhaps if you go to counseling maybe you can work though this. My heart goes out to you I hope that this has not killed the love that you have for your wife. It's hard but try and work it out if it doesnt work than it's time to leave.

best of luck

Answer 5

I would forgive, but not forget. I would try to understand where she was coming from. Like you said, you think she was jealous or angry about your relationship with your daughter. On the other hand, what if she really thought something bad was happening? Did she ever talk to you or your daughter before going to the police? I can't imagine anyone accusing me of something so crazy unless they felt there was a possibility. You've got to talk with her. You have to decide whether you want to work this out or if you just can't get over the disappointment. I don't think I could stay if I were you.

Answer 6

Although I normally ask people to think things over and to try counseling, in this case I'd say: RUN and get a divorce ASAP!

Trust is basic in a marriage, and what you describe she has done is a terrible and totally vicious thing! Sounds like she must hate you if she dared to do something so low....or she has serious issues she has to deal with!

People are different, and we all have different tolerance levels. Some people can forgive and forget; others cannot.

I would ask you to go to therapy and have an impartial professional give you tips and help you to deal with your feelings...This is very damaging on various levels, and I'm sorry to hear it happened to you and your daughter.
Take care.

Answer 7

People who lie assume others lie. People who steal accuse others of stealing and people who cheat accuse others of cheating. It's a form of projection. He assumes you process things the same way he does. Also, it's reasonable to expect you to cheat since he did. From a guys perspective, it sounds like you are rather 'rules oriented' in regard to sex. it also sounds like he likes his sex life with some thrill, variety and wildness. I would bet any money he cheated BECAUSE you are so rules oriented... or you just aren't that into sex. I am not putting you down. There is nothing wrong with being very sexual nor with being non-sexual. But, the difference might be the problem. He likes things dirty, wild, kinky and NOT traditional. I would bet you do and this is why you think his sexual jokes and remarks are inappropriate. I know women that would make men like your husband blush, so there are plenty of women out there who don't have rules like you. That said. I would divorce. Sex, lack of sex, or cheating are too important to survive when things are going wrong. I assure you that he feels as bad about your view of sex as you do his cheating. I say this to point out that your incompatibility is too great and without one of you changing, it will only get worse. If he marries a wild and kinky sex animal for a wife, he will never cheat again. If you marry a man with a low libido, you will be happy. I suggest you find people with whom you are compatible.

Answer 8

What exactly did she say? Did she say she witnessed you two having sex? Or she suspected?

Of course what she did was wrong since it didn't happen. Really evaluate the situation- is there anything that transpired that would have given her that impression/suspicion?

I doubt if this is fixable - but a huge factor on whether it can be fixed is if your wife just out-and-out lied or she had that suspicion. Was there something that lead her to believe that- a huge misunderstanding- then she didn't come to you with questions - and leaped to the wrong conclusions.

For any chance of working past this- You need to know the "why" of it. If it was just spite and meaness- get rid of her as quick as you can.

Answer 9

My husband accused me of having sex with my son and then he went to the chaplin to tell what he thought I was doing. About all that I could do was let him know that he was sick for even thinking things like that. I was very upset and cried. My son was a teenager when that happened. It also happened again with my oldest son and this time I slapped the s... out of him. He wore glasses and his glasses flew across the room. My son was in his 20's when that happened. My husband and I are now divorced. He was a sick man to even think like that and your wife sounds like she is also a sick woman. You need to get an attorney and file for a divorce.

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but what she did to you is unforgiveable. It was very unfair of her to say such a thing about you and could have cost you EVERYTHING!!

I know that divorce is not always the answer to every problem...but I don't see this having any other outcome!

If you can not forgive, forget and move on in your marriage without every bringing this up or hindering bad feelings about this situation, then you should attempt to save your marriage....but I can not imagine you (or any other human) being able to do that.

Answer 11

No I could never forgive that - what kind of person does something so hateful to people you are supposed to love! Why would she ever do that to you- I think you should protect your daughter from having to deal with someone like that in her life. My dad married a toxic woman when I was 17, they divorced 20 years later and I was so happy. Nasty step parents are difficult for adult children to deal with too. See a lawyer is my vote.