My husband works all the time. He works two jobs and I hardly see him. I quit my job a couple of days ago because I didn't like and my husband and I got into a big fight over it. Today, I was offered a new job at a grocery store as a cashier but I don't want to do that. I mean it's hard and it's not what I want to do with my life and my husband and I got into another fight when we do see each other it's what we do. It was our second one in a couple of days, and he keeps calling me selfish and spoiled. I can't help but crying because of it since I only have him right now. My mom's still pissed about me getting married a month ago instead of going off to college as I originally planned. I mean I don't think anyone can blame me for the job thing. I mean who wants to work at a grocery store? Anyway I don't know what to do. I've only been married a month and now I'm really miserable. When we got eloped a month ago it was beautiful and romantic but now I feel horrible. What should I do?
2007-09-13 12:43:34 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, it sounds like you are too young and immature to be married. Marriage takes responsibility, accountability, and being truthful with your partner. It was wrong of you to just quit your job with no discussion. Think of it from your husband's perspective. You quit your job because you didn't like it? That's a very immature thing to do when the reality is there are bills to be paid. Life is hard sometimes....and sometimes you have to do a job you don't like WHILE you look for a better job that you do like. It's extremely irresponsible to do that when you're in a partnership like marriage. Your husband now probably feels alot of financial pressure since you've taken away your income without so much as a discussion with him. That is why he's so upset. The least you could have done was be responsible and look for another job while you were still employed so your family didn't have to go with only his income. He's already working 2 jobs and then you go and do this? It's obvious the 2 of you are too young and immature to be in a marriage.....for instance, running off after highschool to get married? Yes, your mom has every right to be upset. You threw away your future on a romantic whim without the FIRST CLUE what it took to be in a marriage. Now, you've made the mistake and have to deal with it the best you can. I suggest you buy and read some good books on how to make marriage work. And in the meantime, GET A JOB to help ease your husband's stress. When you're making some money, it will ease the stress on you both and then you can sit down and make a financial plan together....and you can make an education plan to get back on track for a REAL career which I know is what you want. You may just have to be ok with a grocery store type job while you look for something else.
2007-09-13 12:56:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
okay first off you have only been married for a month. If you guys truly love each other then you wont give up that easily. I think that you should try to communicate better. I mean if all you guys are doing when you guys are around each other is fighting then you both need to sit down and spill out what is on your minds and learn to do it without yelling. And of course your husband is pissed he is working his *** off to provide for his now family and Im sure he is stressed out because he never really gets any time to do the things he likes to do. I think if he has a good job between the two he has then he should keep that one and let the other go and you should try to find something that pays pretty good. If all you need to get by is 2 incomes then I think you both should have a full time job each. And make sure yall share some of the same time off from work that way yall can spend it together doing the stuff yall like to do with one another. Then once yall have got caught up with bills or whatever I think you should maybe sign up for classes part time and work part time. That way you still have money coming in and you are working on your education as well. You guys dont have kids so know would be the best time to work and start school. Just work with each other more and learn to meet in the middle. If that doesnt work then you should get out while its still early. But work on it first. I got married right out of high school and had a baby and believe me its hard even without the baby, but we have made it 2 years and sure we fight but now its mostly small things that we havent agreed on our whole relationship. The key to making your marriage work is for you both to know a marriage is a 2 person thing. If one person is trying to make it work and the other one isnt then its not ever going to work.
2007-09-13 13:31:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have told him you wanted to quit your job beforehand. Then he could have helped you find another job that you liked. That way, you would have included him in the decision making and the two of you would have worked this problem out. but you didn't. that is why he is calling you selfish. I must agree with your husband. You are not single anymore. You have a husband now and everything you do affects him as well as you! You are a team and you need to keep that in mind always. You will really need to be a team when you have kids! You don't need to get a divorce. You probably got married too young but you need to shape up. Apologize for leaving him out in the cold and promise to always count him in and he will do the same for you! Give him a big hug and tell him to forget the grocery store job and to help you find a job you will be happy with.
2007-09-13 13:15:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need me to be judgmental just be able to say a kind word for you. This is what happens when you give up your dreams to be with someone who you love so you think and you turned down a job at grocery store and you had a big fight over it because he is working two jobs and not even helping out that's why he is mad. If you didn't want to work at grocery store than you should have finish your education still need money to live off of. Now your miserable who's fault is that you cant blame that on anyone but you. Your not mature enough to handle responsibility.
best of luck
2007-09-13 13:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are very young. And although people say that you should not get married so young, what's done is done. You are married now, no matter what. There are two solutions for your problem. Either get divorced or work hard to stay married. The choice is yours, but the two of you need to be in this together. Too many people are giving up on marriage, and not trying to work things out because it is too hard for them to deal with their own issues. By no means bring a child into this relationship if there isn't one already; take extra precautions. Your husband sounds like he is working his butt off to support both you and him. He is probrobly upset because he feels like the only one in this relationship working, and not feeling appreciated. The two of you really should have talked about this before you even considered marriage. Today is different, and the wife does not always stay home, because it is too expensive. You have entered the real world, now you have to deal with it. He is your husband, not your parent! He is not just going to support you financially just because you are married. You need to pull your own weight as well. If you have the opportunity to go to college, I would discuss this with your husband, and see if this is a viable option for the both of you. In the long run, you will both benefit from your education. So long as you both have the same or similar ambitions, you will make it. I would go see a marriage therapist, to help you two communicate your thoughts, feelings, and wants. But most importnat you need to communicate with each other. Find the people you were when you were dating, and fell in love. Marriage is not easy nor a bed of roses, but it is worth the struggles. Good luck!
2007-09-13 13:15:00 · answer #5 · answered by Monica C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not ready for marriage, and you still don't have a clue what it's even about. You were fascinated with the idea of GETTING married, not BEING married. Two very different things. The two of you are never going to make it, so you may as well do the smart thing for both of you and quit.
Who wants to work in a grocery store? Well you should have thought of that before you gave up on college. If you had gone on with that plan and worked hard to make something of yourself, the grocery store gig wouldn't be happening.
The one UNselfish thing you can do right now is give yourself, and this man freedom from this non-marriage before you make things worse by getting pregnant.
2007-09-13 12:52:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
When your in love all you can think about is how much you want to be with the other person. Sometimes you get so excited about the thought of getting married that you forget that once you are married you have to work on keeping the marriage going. Alot of couples arent sure what do do after the wedding day. They forget to discuss whats going to happen because they spend months talking about the actual wedding day. Maybe you went into this marriage with high expectations and it isnt what you thought it was going to be like. Marriage isnt easy. In fact, the first year is usually the hardest. The decisions you each make from now on affect two people now instead of one. You need to sit down and talk with him, but try and do it when neither one of you is angry. You have to learn early on that marriage needs to have good communication. Without it, you are in trouble. Tell him that you want to be open about how you feel about whats going on. When you get your chance then let him do the same about how he feels. Just hear each other out first. What do you expect from one another? Fighting doesnt solve anything but talking does. Good luck to you...Im sure things will get better. Think positive and do your best to move forward..
2007-09-13 13:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by maria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that! I quit my job 3 months after we got married, and we were fighting almost daily! But, we are now happily married! I started thinking, if I loved him enough to marry him, there must be something special about him! You just have to try and find it again! It might be hard, but you have to admit that you love him! Try turning off the TV's, computer, and the phones for a night and try and make the night all about the 2 of you! No One Else! I think it's too soon to give up! Marriage is not easy, you have to work at it! Nothing worth having is ever easy!!! I hope this helps!
2007-09-13 13:00:15 · answer #8 · answered by Briana 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Only a month and your miserable. You should have never gotten married. Did you ever think that now that you are not working he has no choice but to work 2 jobs. Sorry honey, but I'm on his side and I'm a women. And there is nothing wrong with working in a grocery store. It is a job that is neccasary. I did it for 19 years before I found the perfect job not in retail. What should you do? Get a flippin' job and grow up.
And Hey to Just Wondering.....don't get scared not all marriages start out like that. Just remember to love and respect each other.
2007-09-13 12:53:00 · answer #9 · answered by udokno 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm!! I think your mom was right. You should have gone to college so you would have the education needed to get a job doing something you love rather than working in a grocery store. But since you chose the hard road you should take the job at the grocery store while looking for something else. This would allow you to help be productive and and solve the argument with Hubby!
2007-09-13 12:55:51 · answer #10 · answered by Ben H 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋