My fiancee is in the navy. We are seperated right now by a few states. I am having some trust issues. Really bad ones. For reasons that i would rather not go into. But...I know (cause i'm a military member myself) that infidellity and cheating goes on. Whether they get caugt up in the moment (cause they think they wont be found out) or for whatever reason. But she is out of the country right now and i didnt hear from her for like 24 hours. I had to find her hotel room and ask to be transfered. I am not a jealous man by nature. But this navy realtionship has me wondering about the morality of navy personel and the fact that they all tend to cheat. I have been in a marrage that dissolved cause I was cheated on. I know we are not all like that, but...what the hell??? Why cant people be faithful...and why are people that have been cheated on so paranoid of it going on under thier nose. It ruins realtionships, I know...i'm in that situation now. I dont want it to hurt us. I am TERRIFIED!
2007-09-13 11:08:03 · 7 answers · asked by Eric Preece 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way...she hasnt given me any reason not to not trust her. I am terrified she is just going to do the same thing that most military "boyfriend and girlfrinds" do. Cheat...and hope the other doesnt find out. Even though we arent married. We are engaged. And so far we have a godd realtionship. But things in the past bother me about her. Nothing big. But none the less they do. I'm sure she'll see this at some point too. But i'm so insecure rightnow I feel like i'm driving her away! HELP, PLEASE!
2007-09-13 11:11:54 · update #1
Having been in the military(army) for 22yrs and
now retired, I can understand what you are going
through. However you have to be prepared as
that is the keyword as in the military lonliness
along with many other factors can make someone
un-faithful. If the love is strong and the relationship
is solid , the factors doenot matter as I was
faithful to my wife when we were apart and she
was to me also. Anything that the other does not
know will not hurt the relationship, but if there is
an affair it will always come out sooner or later.
You can talk to your chaplin on post or at your
duty station if you are down because of you think-
ing that maybe your fiance is doing something that
may hurt you and the chaplain can help you in
not being so down about this matter. However
trust has to play a big párt for the both of you and
even if one fails then the other can say ,well at
least I did my part. Always be prepared for the
worse then it will not effect you as much as if you
weren't prepared to begin with. Being in the mili-
tary is stressful enough and you need to stay
on the up-beat and have confidence in your mate
and your mate in you so that you will not be
wondering all the time is one or the other faithful
or not. Military life is hard and there will always be
extra affairs, but it does not have to happen to
everyone that is in the military. Good luck.
2007-09-13 16:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the Navy for 9 years and have come acrossed some people who did cheat on their spouses/girlfriends etc.... but listen to me you need to calm down. If there is something about her that makes you uneasy then why did you ask her to marry you. Do u think that feeling is going to go away once you are married? Ask her and if you still have these trust issues then you will drive her away. It is not just Navy people who cheat. All people cheat. Unfortunately it is a part of life. My advice is that you don't get married until this is resolved because I would rather be a statistic for cheating rather than divorce.
2007-09-13 15:43:30 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a lot of simpathy for you. I too have some of the same issues! I have been married to someone in the Navy for more than 6 & 1/2 years. Over the last year I have found out numerous things about past infidelity and manipulation that I had NO clue about. Over the years, I have seen many military marriages fall apart mostly due to affairs and immaturity. I myself am separated at the time because of all the stuff that has gone on with my spouse. I will say though that many years back that I did have my suspicions but just blew them off as my own insecurities! I now wish I would have followed my own instinct because I came to learn that my suspicions we dead on! I have waisted more than 9 years with someone who has manipulated and made me believe everything because I didn't believe it could happen to me and because I believed he was different. I don't want to tell you to not be with your fiances but I do want to caution you to really go with your gut reaction at times! Be careful but I wish you the best! :)
2007-09-13 11:33:21 · answer #3 · answered by navy-spouse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People get lonely and long for the sexual touch of the opposite sex, does not nessarally mean that you have to have sex but just holding hands ect all the feeling is missing and sometimes you can not handle yourself when the moment comes along. That is something you are going to have to decide if you can handle being with someone who is gone alot.
2007-09-13 11:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good good fortune. Although whilst I used to be within the army I used to be honestly married to anybody of the reverse gender. At the time I used to be within the army, being homosexual/lesbian used to be an automated dishonorable discharge. This used to be Pre-DADT and the surroundings used to be decidedly enormously adverse. My manager used to be one more lesbian who is accomplice used to be additionally within the army. She have been married to a person beforehand and so they had a son in combination. So their personal obstacle used to be VERY complicated. Thankfully her ex under no circumstances uncovered her or her accomplice. The final I heard, she and her accomplice had gotten complete custody of her son and each had left the army and retired to the North West.
2016-09-05 13:00:42 · answer #5 · answered by doolin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your wright when you have been cheated on it makes you paraniod,you have to give her a chance and learn to trust,ive been where you are, and i no, if you keep pushing you will push her away.dont live in the past.
2007-09-13 11:26:21 · answer #6 · answered by kim w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
chill if you can't trust her now don't get married
2007-09-13 12:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋