Crashing!
Hitting!
Screaming!
Cursing!
That was last night
Yeah we had a big fight
She hit you Then you hit her
Then you hit me
It was us three
Last night
We had a big fight
She ran for the door
But you wanted to fight more
I tried to stop you
And you knew
That's why you turned around
And pushed me to the ground
Last night
Yeah we had a big fight
I screamed out side for help
And you cursed me out
But me and her we finally got out
Oh yeah last night
We had a good Fight
2007-09-13 11:03:47 · 3 answers · asked by fdffhhjyuj 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
interesting. i like it
2007-09-13 11:17:12 · answer #1 · answered by demonada 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the spontaneity and force of the the first four lines. But the rhyme scheme gets out of rhythm as the poem continues. Also, the mood is somewhat confusing; do you want the poem to seem humorous, scary, or ironic? It sounds as though you want the reader to be startled by the sudden violence of the event you describe. This is the most effective quality of the poem--its almost cinematic depiction of what was (apparently) a horrible personal experience. Despite its minor flaws, this poem definitely caught my attention.
2007-09-13 18:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by jeffjones042155 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poem would make an excellent rap. The rhythm is a little uneven, but set to music, it wouldn't matter, because the rapper could hold the notes to even it out. It's very visual and I can picture it on dvd. Why not make a video and try to get it published?
2007-09-13 19:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋